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Fields of Oak

by Aley

You stand bare among the oak.
I hold out my arms to grab you up,
yank you into the billowing arms of yew
but you just watch

like I am a drifting cloud.
I feather-fall some finery, boxes
books, a heating fan, a scarf

and you cherry pick them wearily
as though bombs have feather-fallen before

I drape you in myself for winter
my love a cocoon of wool and yew
yet you insist on burrowing out

into the snow, tunneling like a mole
seeking out your blanket of oak.

Heather once sang the oak must go
for new growth to gain a hold.

Love, I am new.

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291 Reviews

Points: 18848
Reviews: 291

Fri Sep 21, 2018 6:11 am
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Dossereana wrote a review...

Hi there @Aley I am here to do a review on you poem so First things first. so lets get started.
You stand bare among the oak. Okay that is weird for why would someone do that.
yank you into the billowing arms of yew, I don’t get this bit the word yew I have never herd of it at all.
like I am a drifting cloud. I think this is funny for it is like someone is trying to dance on a cloud that is not really real.
I feather-fall some finery, boxes, okay what do you exactly mean by this may I ask.
my love a cocoon of wool and yew, there is the word yew again this word is really stanch.

into the snow, tunneling like a mole, okay tiny mistake here tunneling is spelt with a nether L like this tunnelling there that is how to spell it then also into I thing the I should be a capital.
Heather once sang the oak must go, okay what is this scents really spouse to mean. So that is all that I can say, so keep up the good work.

Aley says...

Hey EagleFly!

Yew is a type of wood, or in this case a type of tree just like an oak, but a different variety!

What I mean by feather-fall is that in video games there can be an option to "feather fall" like Link's roll when he hits the ground so he doesn't get damage, same thing here. It's just a way to say "softly drop" that evokes memories of video games.

I don't know what you mean by "stanch"

I'm actually going to keep it tunneling because that's the American spelling.

This line is supposed to be an allusion to a song by Heather Dale, but basically it just means that sometimes the old has to come out for the new to come in. In this case, I meant to infer that this old way of life, symbolized by oak, has to leave before the new way of life could come in.

Dossereana says...

thank you for explaining this. :D

Aley says...

Happy to do it! Thanks for the review.

Dossereana says...

you are very welcome. :D

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948 Reviews

Points: 123381
Reviews: 948

Thu Sep 20, 2018 11:16 pm
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alliyah says...

Love the sound of this one Aley. <3 Some lovely imagery scattered in here too.

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Points: 18
Reviews: 7

Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:23 am
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I thought this was a great piece of literature! Every line came together seamlessly and I love the metaphors you incorporated. I cant even describe how utterly impressed i am with this poem. Keep up the great work.

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20 Reviews

Points: 1583
Reviews: 20

Wed Sep 19, 2018 10:53 am
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Rodger wrote a review...

Hi Aley Rodger here for a quick review.
First of all I want to see job well done on writing such a heart warming poem.
Let me start by pointing out what makes this poem Great.
#1 Attention Garbing- From the beginning this prom grabs the attention of the reader which is very important, if you want the reader to keep on reading.

#2 Suspense- From the first sentences this poem starts to build anxiety in the readers minds, the reader wants to know "why an oak tree or trees and billowing arms of yew"
This poem according to my own understanding talks about Love and lost, basically is about not having the one you love besides you and this is narrated in the first stanza Where you say "I hold out my arms to grab you up,
yank you into the billowing arms of yew
but you just watch"

It also talks about uncertainty, lost of trust mostly because of previous events as you make it clear in stanza three when you say " And cherry pick them wearily
as though bombs have feather -fallen before"
I think the character is trying to ask for forgiveness for a wrong he/she has done, trying to reconcile but the other person seems adamant.
And trying to tell the other person that I am a change person basically give me another change when you say "Heather once sang the oak must go
for new growth to gain a hold
Love, I am new".

The only negative thing I can say about this poem " Its too short' I think it would have really gone a bit deep to really bring out that hidden suspense as to what happened, between the characters or why the narrator tells the story now.
With that said this is a amazing poem, and remember to always keep On Writing..

You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.
— Anne Lamott