Young Writers Society

To my mentor Aley,

This is one of the most incisive, precise poem I've ever read. Very sophisticated yet very deeeeeep.

You're right, we should keep it simple.

Aside from being a great peice of writing and beautifully written, I have to say it's also completely accurate. Nice job.

ugh......now where's my introvert :/

Hey there! It's joallover here, and I have to say, you know how to name these things. Your title grabbed my attention instantaneously! That's probably why you're first on the show board. Kudos!
Anyways, onto the review.
I have a lot of great things to say about this, only a few bad ones. I'll start with some of what I liked!
Poems like this, I see the broken up lines and I assume it will rhyme because people nowadays believe that poems have to be easy to read in order for them to be good. I say NAY! The division of the lines without the rhyming is genius to this sort of poem as it forces the reader to read and heed the message you express with your fancy titles and intricate wording. Gold star to you.
I also loved the extroverted way of expressing the world of an introvert, whilst showing the fact that they are one and the same.
"You see, the problem is that people are pack animals
and as much as I love my solitude, I am human.
No one is completely
introverted, extroverted, anything.
We're like mixed paint, and after a while,
even the most extroverted of us all ends up introverted"
These were some of my favourite lines! Empowering in a very introverted way.
I can honestly just see this being performed onstage by one of those tiny people that have the tiny-ish voice introducing themselves and their poem, but then as soon as they get into what they're doing, they become confident in their message and the things they are saying. That is a rare gift, I have to say. Once again, kudos.
Okay, nitpicks. Let's get this over with.
"I thought
for sure, that I had one with technicolor
rainbow coats and bright red lush scarves
and shawls and throws and shiny high heels..."
Reading this, I wondered to myself why you had scarves, shawls and throws next to each other like that. I understand what you wanted to do there, but in my opinion, I think you should have more extravigant things for your extrovert, like pants and hair and the attitude. Its fine as it is, that's just my suggestion.
"I know when to duck in a bathroom
gassing up the place
hiding in the stall
until the last person leaves
so I don't have to show my face
for flatulence
in public."
This stanza is a really cute way of showing the shy aspect of introverts, but, at least to me, I feel it just doesn't really fit. I know from the other reviews below mine that many people love that stanza. I've just always been the kind of person to avoid the mention of farts whatsoever, especially when it's something that you can read into a lot, like a poem. That's just me, as I said, these are merely suggestions and I wouldn't blame you at all for not using any of them.
That's all! You have something reeeaaallllllllyyy well done here, nothing to really clean up. I'm impressed!
So, keep calm and write poetry!
-joallover

I really liked this poem!

Hello! Questio here to leave my two cents.
As an extrovert this poem was very interesting to read. I have never known what it is like to not be outgoing and adventurous, but now I feel like I can understand what my introverted friends are talking about.
I like to think that no one is completely one thing or another, and there are days that I want to be completely alone and days that I want to hang out all day with all my friends. I really like the fifth stanza, as it voices this and reassures me that I am not the only one.
The hurt and betrayal of the narrator shown in the last stanza came as a bit of a surprise. I knew the narrator had been hurt, but not necessarily in that manner. Not betrayed so much as abandoned. Maybe I am an idiot who can't see what is plainly there (I do not really read much poetry) but I missed that the first time around. It makes for a good climax though, so if that were your intention I would definitely not change it.
I really liked this poem. It was eye opening and entertaining. In closing though, I would like to say that if I had written it (and perhaps this is why I don't write poetry often) I would have tried to find a rhyme scheme or a syllable pattern. If there is one I'm too stupid to notice it. But hey, extroverted non-poet reviewing this, what do I know?
Great job
~Q

Hi,

I love this poem I love the fact that you're so brutally honest about what you want in a friendship, which I couldn't ask for; you also sound like you're waiting, which is a good thing. And don't worry you're not alone, I have these problems as well.

You capture the person's mind so perfectly that I can almost imagine them; the way they hide in the toilets, and are empty when they need an 'extrovert'.

The way that you don't use much punctuation shows that the character is desperate for this, as the reader is constantly having to take breaths of their own; sometimes punctuation can be a bad thing in a poem, and that works perfectly here.

I usually point out a few typos and stuff like that, but there are none here that I can see.

This was really inspiring and uplifting; thank you and well done.
RandomColumns

Hey aley!

So, this is quite an interesting concept. I enjoyed the poem a lot. That said I do have a few things to say that might help you improve it. ^^

So this was a rather lengthy poem. by no means terrible. It is 100% manageable. For me at least. I know human attention spans are dropping rapidly though. I'm just suggesting that you might cut down on ANYTHING that you think you might not need. any little redundancy (repetition is important, but redundancy should leave) or "meh" line. But I'll leave you to figure those out. Sometimes it hurts to take out a part you like, but it might not contribute to the overall thing you are trying to accomplish.

One thing that I didn't quite understand is how the first introvert was lost. We reference it twice, just saying it "came out" but that's not quite the description that I need for understanding, you know?

I like that you mention the other side, with that extroverts can't be extroverted all the time, but I think I'd like to see it a little bit more. Maybe you could play with that and see the effect?

Honestly, I think there are a lot of things you could try with this poem. It definitely could stand to be pinched and prodded a little bit more, just to create a more memorable and satisfying poem. Perhaps organize it a bit more. It's pretty narrative, maybe play with that aspect?
These obviously are all very open-ended suggestions, because I think you are the one who can make the most out of this poem. c:

And for the record, I can totally relate to this. Since I just moved, my introvert is like HIDE YOURSELF FROM ALL THESE PEOPLE!!! and I have to force myself to get out of my shell and make some friends or I'll be all alone, and like you said, we don't like that all the time. ^^

You've got a fantastic thing here. I think you can make it better.
I hope this helped. Let me know if you have any questions.
Keep writing!
~fortis