Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
I see you shattered in the sidelines
tears flooding your face, body quivering.
I want to give you my hand
in the midst of this frozen rain.
I want to stand your roof
from the storm
and your walls to hold and
hide you from prying eyes.
Your sobs wrench me.
As I look up at our driver
see a crude, backwards, racist grandfather
you know the one we all hide from our friends?
His head on backwards
as he drives towards a forest
with vampire bats
who have rabies bites,
wolves who love saltwater
and the man who holds the lantern specializes
in serving monsters mashed people.
The decrypted stow away weeps too
but she wipes away her tears
and masks peel with them
like tissue paper
wet from her whipped hurricane of fluffy fears;
her master looming near.
Our uncertain forest war-zone edges closer,
I hear the prayers for some explosion to level it
I feel the tremors of your body vibrating my feet
but my jaded resolution is that we will breach its darkness
and follow our majority's voice straight through.
As we do, no one knows our fate,
if it is predestined or created
I have no faith to pray with
just my love to give,
my back to carry you,
and a bat to whack away
what my eyes find as danger.
I am here for you,
please, don't go.
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
This is Kaos here for a review!
I thought that the poem set up a tone but didn't quite fully deliver on that. It's heartfelt in the sense that it's genuine and it takes a different approach to the situation than most poems that I've seen based on this. The sincerity on this poem reaches, even if the things like "monster-mashed" and "fluffy bears" are included in the poem. But those are why I found this to be so genuine in what it's trying to get across.
As a poem about the election and everything of that sort, I think it gets across what it needs to get across. As an actual poem that I want to digest, it doesn't sit well with me. It doesn't really have room for interpretation or any place for the reader to put their feet in the shoes of the poem. Parts of the poem does this with the relatability of having family that are discriminative and everything like that, but I don't think it hits me? The poem has a hard time connecting and it feels like it's been broken into fragments, I think. The part of the poem that I found the strongest and the most powerful was probably these lines:
The image of this is just so strong and I wish that there was a little more like this in the poem. This brings me to the imagery of the poem. I can understand why it's not full-out, because it's addressed to the audience and everything of that sort, but the imagery didn't really do too much for me. I wanted something that was more active instead of passive with describing things, or something that was more plentiful. This poem is topic-based, so I suggest building the imagery around the poem to make more of the flesh of the skeleton. There's imagery here, but it's mostly my hunger for more that makes me say this.
I feel a little unworthy reviewing you still Dx, I hope I helped and have a great day!
I spy with my little eye...
(I couldn't resist even though by the time I post this, you'll have fixed it.)
Wow. I could sense the whole 'racist grandfather' thing was about Donald j. Trump, our current president-elect until the Electoral College decides with or against his presidency. There is something that caught my eye through all of this, though. "and the man who holds the lantern specializes in serving monsters mashed people" Was a phrase that caught my eye. 'The man who holds the lantern' made me think of Over the Garden Wall. He doesn't really mash people, but he cuts down Adlewood trees to keep the lantern with his daughter's soul it it burning so that she could stay alive. But the soul in the lantern actually turns out to be 'The Beast,' who is a monster. It is also revealed that the adlewood trees are actually drum role, please! Lost PEOPLE who were turned into trees to fuel the LANTERN with the MONSTER inside of it, which the man holding the lantern SERVES to him. Is this the reference?
XD No, it's not a reference to that. Never heard of that before, but it is the same metaphor really... he's serving monsters the mashed people of the country but I was just referencing how when they do those old movies there are two drivers, one with the reigns and one with the lantern to light the path and usually to batter off assailants as need be, or take over when the driver can't do something. In this case, the VP-E, Pence. What I was saying is that he was making mashed potatoes out of the people he's supposed to be protecting. Basically I'm thinking about it like a band wagon of all our country's people... but um, yeah. Your reference totally works too XD
Aww! I thought that was perfect... Thanks for replying! I did like this poem.
<3 Welcome to YWS