It is a quiet thing
even when it is loud.
It is racing blood,
the silent anguished
Scream.
It is relentlessly
burning cycles.
We laugh and cry,
wince and gasp.
Push on
Even in the silence
of a dead room filled
with eyes of quiet
misinterpretation.
Wintrily judgment falls
from flapping gums
of feeble fish on a shore
not meant for them.
Push on,
Push on for one day
One day the silent scream
will reach the ears intended.
One day, perhaps this time,
Perhaps if
I twist the knife,
I stab harder,
I pour salt in old existing wounds,
and mine be salted too.
Perhaps if
we hurt equal I will see the pain I feel,
find Misery's friend
and this cycle will end.
It's a quiet thing
even when it's loud.
It's the pain I feel
projected out, but
the silent anguished
Scream will Push on.
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140,083 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
First off, I'd like to just say, "wow." This work has taken my breath away. You've evoked an amazing sense of pain within me, as I'm sure you aimed to do. Your words crafted their own knife, and cut deeply into me. I greatly admire your work, and would love to read more pieces from you, should you write them.
On a more personal note, I hope that this writing isn't inspired by an experience of your own. I too comprehend the pain and mourning you've expressed so clearly.
Happy writing
This poem is awesome! You captured the essence of vengeance and revenge perfectly! I love how well you use imagery. It's honestly a really great length too.
The only critical comment I would have is this: maybe try to make it rhyme. It bothers me (a lot of other people) when a poem doesn't rhyme. You don't have to sound like Dr. Seuss, but try to rhyme a little and see what you think. If you prefer it NOT rhyming, leave it alone. It doesn't really matter what other people think of YOUR work...As long as you're happy with it!
Hey Unashamed116,
Thanks for your comments. I appreciate that you enjoyed my work. Personally I feel like the era of rhyming poetry is the past. I mean, there are some great poems out there which rhyme which were written recently but to me, rhyming is overrated. It tends to make a poem choppy and cheezy unless it's internal or something that's trying to be singsongy. I've tried it, I do it sometimes, but that's basically my feeling about it. I know that many people like rhyme, but many people don't as well, so I'm catering more towards the group that doesn't.
I hope that helps you approach unrhymed poetry with a different impression.
Hello there Aley, The Silent Bagpipe here for a quick review of your piece.
- I must say I really enjoyed this one *big thumbs up* Although there was a few things I would suggest you fix =)
#1 - your flowing was a little off in some places. I suggest maybe adding some picture words, or more descriptive words just to brighten it up a bit, and not make it so choppy. I like to call those words "flowery words", if you need help to find them I suggest you look up whatever you need in a thesaurus (they REALLY help with flowery words).
#2 - your grammar was a little off also but for the most part it was okay. I suggest once again you reread your poem (out loud if you need to) and see where commas and periods could be put ect.
Other than those few things, your poem was fantastic! Loved the way you described the familiar feeling *thumbs up* You did well!
KEEP WRITING,YOU HAVE A VERY CREATIVE IMAGINATION <3
All the best,
~Selina