My Balm

*waves* Good evening!

You're true to your word; this is definitely a romantic poem. At the same time, though I have no heavy interest in the subject, you convey it through a beautiful extended metaphor and your personal style. The first part of the poem maintains a solid consistency in the applications of the lover as a balm, and I like the manner in which you expand on the theme by going over the seasons, the emotional spectrum of the narrator (and how the balm is in attendance), and the various healing benefits he has. I find the fourth stanza, in particular, vivid, such as in the unique line, "you encase my voice in your buzz." That may be a subtle pun related to beeswax, I think? Regardless, it's left a strong impression in my mind, and is a highlight of the piece.

However, after that, I feel like there's a rift in the middle of the poem, and there isn't an adequate transition between the two halves. The narrator's lover transforms from something that can be carried by the narrator to someone who appears to be larger than the narrator. They go from chapstick to a person, and this shift happens all at once (since there isn't much of a separation between "to nothing but harsh memories/and you hold my hand", it appears to happen in the same train of thought). Then you resume with the original metaphor by the last three lines of your third-to-last stanza, which confuses me a little more. I'm not particularly sure how to bridge that, but I would suggest making the transition in metaphors/depictions a bit more clear. However, I will admit, the second view of the lover is equally fantastic, given how good-natured and sweet it is, and I admire their radiance in conversations and caring. Too, the direct addressing of the lover and the secret at the end is well-executed, heartwarming, and ties smoothly to the rest of the piece.

I appreciate the vast majority of the poem, and it's certainly better than anything I could write on the topic. Other than the coherence of your metaphors, everything else is rather solid, including your capitalization and flow. Well done!

Hi there, here for a review!

I enjoyed the serene feel to this poem. I like the theme of healing and using balm as a metaphor for love healing you and giving you warmth.

Structurally, I think this poem needs work. This is a great base, but I don't think it's completely sound. There's a general rhythm going on, but I think you can smooth out a few lines here and there to flow more and not stick out or break up the flow. I felt like some of your stanzas were a bit choppy and simply telling us how your feeling, rather than making the reader immerse themselves into your feelings, if that makes any sense.

You used some original lines which I liked, but I feel like you could definitely use some more colorful or sophisticated adjectives in some places.

Here's a couple examples: Instead of saying "I apply" you can say "I lather on." Instead of saying "I need" you can say "I crave" or "I yearn." Little changes like this will extenuate the tone.

Overall, I like the theme, tone and purpose of the poem. There's simply a few kinks to iron out, and I think it will read very nicely. Great job

Happy writing,

Kali L.

Hi there Aley. This is Kays here dropping in for a review on an early Tuesday morning where my second largest toe is beginning to swell up to be as large as my big toe because of a bee sting yesterday. I'm not able to take medicine to lessen the pain for another two hours so I do hope that this review will keep my mind off of that burning toe of mine.

This certainly is a lot softer and less raging than a burning toe which is shown at the beginning of the poem with the adjectives used. Seems that I chose the right poem to soothe my pain. All jokes aside, the poem starts off nice and soft in tone. I also learned a new word because of this poem--chap. I never knew that a chap existed or that a chap can exist on a body but this makes a whole lot of sense seeing as chapstick exists and I previously knew of that. In the fifth line of the first stanza the adjectives get to be a little much with 'bleeding flaky lips'. First of all, the word 'flaky' isn't spelled 'flakey' and second of all, I don't dislike the concept of the image, I dislike the execution.

Reword for more flavor and less toppling of adjectives. This poem almost takes a romantic turn with the balm being close to the reader though this may be because the speaker is talking to the balm as 'you' when balm is obviously an inanimate object. I found this part of the poem to be interesting because I'm wondering if this is a poem about literal balm or about a metaphorical balm that heals the reader in times of need--from what I've read and from knowing the author I'm going to assume that this is literal because the ending.

The ending tosses out what previously went on out of the window and well, the poem worked as a sappy love poem that personifies balm though I can understand the satire or humor that comes with the final stanza. Depends on what this poem is attempting to accomplish--is the piece focusing in on what the last two stanzas have to say about the rest of the sappiness that's given.

Or in contrast, do you want the piece to focus in on the rest of the poem where we see the relationship between a person and an inanimate object that isn't usually written about and to take a more subtle approach? What the ending stanzas suggest now is to be more blunt but I wouldn't mind having the themes if this is playing on the reader having read other sappy love poems before being more quiet. Overall, the writing here is nice but I'm confused with what you're attempting to pull off. Not your best but not your worst either--this was fun to review. Thanks for that.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

This is good and you were right, it was sappy. I noticed that you an 'a' in your second stanza, first line. Other than that, I didn't find any major sentence errors. However, when I was reading this I saw that the puncuation and capatization got very inconsistent. You might be better for this poem, in particular, to not have any captalization and no punctuation because this poem doesn't seem to need them, but if you want to keep it the way it is, that's cool too.
I thought it was sweet and I applaude you. Good poem, keep writing.