Young Writers Society

hi, Angel here with a review! I loved this piece very much. I love how you mentioned bookmarks and to be honest somehow this poem brought up quite a bit of nostalgia for me. Not sure if I get this message write but the part about hyperlinks is true for me, while most people I know are reading online they don't need 'bookmarks' anymore since their computer can just save where they were in a story, where ease a physical bookmark can hold the page for you and when you return to it you can just pick it up and it can unfreeze the spot in the ink world you were at, letting the words come back to life for you.

i liked this on the fourth line <3 thank you for creating this Aley <3 mmyes i will treasure this in my mind forever such wonderful art (sorry it's late and i'm emotionally unstable)

Remington38 here, pleasure to meet you

This was just plain amazing! I wish I could give this another star. This is beyond relatable to me personally, and I think I speak for a lot of people too. We break in the ink from book pages like air and I never thought about how important bookmarks are. Thank you, I will appreciate them more now. You are a very talented poet, and I want to read more of what you write.

This was a very beautiful and insightful poem.

Things I believe were great- I believe the very end got really good: 'and here, I sunbathe
oxygen cleaning the water from my spongy lungs
rays warming my frozen bones
sand squishing beneath my toes
book in hand,
no charger required.'
Also, I like how you made the simile: 'They stick up like birds escaping
telling me where I've touched
and what I've missed'

Things to work on- Some of the poem was less related to people try making it related to people by adding book names or references. The poem is also kind of jumpy at parts such as when you are suddenly on the beach: 'I crawl out of the ocean
and dry on the beach, with a book
a paper thing with stable words
and here, I sunbathe
oxygen cleaning the water from my spongy lungs
rays warming my frozen bones
sand squishing beneath my toes
book in hand,
no charger required.'

Conclusion- This poem was fantastic. I really hope you keep writing. Thanks!

This is Nikayla here for a review!

Let me tell you now that I enjoyed this poem so I won't be gushing for the rest of the review. Aside from that, let's jump right into the review! In the first stanza we see that the speaker is on the topic of bookmarks and you kick us off with some quite strong imagery that I think could also make for an interesting idea or for more imagery. There was a lot of potential description and images that could come from this, such as bookmarks being used to pick back up on a chapter, which could be used as a metaphor for bookmarks being used to pick up on the chapter you left off or the page you left on but never finished. Just some food for thought, I don't think it'll hurt the poem if you exclude it.

One day people won't think paper.

The word has passed to hyperlinks
collected in a jar by golden stars.

We stir saved pages in the World Wide Waters.
A single house viewed and explored
by peaking merpeople infinitely
shadows by pirates by that funny cat video.

Hello there. I hope to give a fair review. But before that I am confused that why aren't others reviewing or commenting. Are they saving this masterpiece for tomorrow? Well bad Fir them then. 'Cause second review is on the way.

What I liked— I really loved the use of words like unobtrusive, wedge, gutter, stable, sunbathe, spongy, frozen, squishing. Their use with respect to other words is quite impressive. It beautifies the poem. But I especially loved the phrase 'World Wide Waters' and 'forest world' and 'sunbathe oxygen'. Though the best line if I have to pick would be this— 'I want bookmarks for my forest world
caught in my Collins, or spreading my Poe.' But I also like the last line. It was both a humour and such a true statement (The charger has been connected to my phone currently). This is one of those short and quick endings which are powerful at the same time. I also liked the use of lines in italics. Good work!!!! I also loved how you maintained mermaid and water relationship.


What can be improved (If you want to do, otherwise no need. These are recommendations not necessities.)— I will start where I left, the 'mermaid'. I really was not able to understand what you wanted to convey through the title. Is there any hidden meaning? It was not clear. I don't know why some people don't give any importance to 'titles'. But I will put the blame on the reviewers. I hope this title has a meaning. I can't say much about grammar, for many times I was confused because of the lack of punctuation. Sorry, I am very much strict regarding punctuation. For me, punctuation is one of the souls of a poem (given that a poem has many souls). I also felt that 'book in hand' can be better as ' A book in my hand'.

What I didn't understand— 'shadows by pirates by that funny cat video.' I didn't understand the cat video part. Does it have a hidden meaning behind humour? I didn't understand it. Please tell me it's meaning a long with the meaning of title.

Conclusion— A well written poem with a great message. Except punctuation (only if you want to publish it in future. And I am not kidding), there is nothing much to add. Really great work. Keep it up!!!!!

Hey, FairyLight here to review your work!
I really like this poem, just because it was a lot deeper than I expected it to be at first. I thought it would be about bookmarks. But it was about technology overcoming literature and I think that it's a beautiful topic you wrote about.

The first point I'd like to touch on is you use the word "thing". This word is so bland. I hate the word thing. I think you could take the line "a paper thing with stable words" and spice it up. A book, while it is a thing, is so much more beautiful than a thing. Books are art and masterpieces. What word could be used in place of thing? World? Heart? Something more touching.

Next, I'm not sure how you do this, but you know those poems where the text is like all over the place? The poems with the lines that are all staggered and there are one word lines on the right side of the page? I don't know what those are called but I think that if you could do that with this poem, it would be fantastic. I would love to see the words be placed in a unique manner.

I have to praise you on your vocabulary, because I love words that are colorful. Spongy. Frozen. Gutters. Unobtrusive. Dang, you really packed this poem full of words that penetrate a person's mind. You did fantastic on that.

Something I would like, that is in no way required, is I'd love to see more direct references to popular literature. You could add in a reference to Dickens, Jane Austen, Jk Rowling, books that are famous. Just subtly add in more of those if you want. It would make the poem connect with readers more if it references a Book they may have read.

Overall, I love this poem and I think you did a fantastic job showing a connection from narrator to books and bookmarks. You had great imagery and I think that the poem is relatable and sends a message that many people feel close to.

Have a great day,
FairyLight