Baby Pictures

Hi Aley! I wanted to review your other poem Daylight Clarity as well, but I felt like I wasn't understanding it completely enough to review it, I might get back to it one of these days. But enough about that, here I am to review this poem!

Let's go with your author's note questions:

1) What did you like about this poem?
Well I like the topic first of all. People get sick of reading about the same topics again and again, and I can't remember actually ever reading a poem about this one. I also like that although it's a unique topic it hits on some themes that I think are really important - ie. society's expectations that women are supposed to be mothers or nurturing or fit into their tight mold requirements.

I thought your actual descriptions in stanza 3 of babies were pretty funny actually. It made me laugh. And no issues whatsoever with flow, grammar, punctuation etc for me. So, we're good on that front.

2) What did you dislike about this poem?
I kind of wanted this poem to not be so direct, or maybe to go off in another direction and then turn back to the baby thing. I think that the overall theme is more significant than just saying "I don't like pictures of babies" -- but there's something about having to pretend that you like babies just because you're female, and what this false appreciation means...

I also wanted you to explore into that "cringey" feeling a bit more! Like I think I get it. But what is it about baby pictures that makes you cringe. Is it that you don't like how the babies look, don't like that you're being asked to like how they look, don't like the concept of children or something else completely? Sometimes when I see pictures of babies (especially kids of my peers) it makes me feel uncomfortable because I don't even like to think man I'm old enough to be having kids... like just putting it in context of my own life is like terrifying so it makes me feel like sympathetic for them rather than appreciating their cute kid if that makes sense.

Also I think there's a lot more opportunity for metaphorical work in here. You use some when you describe actual babies, but the rest of the poem is lacking some of that fancy poetic language.

I also think for me the first 2 stanzas were a bit wordy, or there were phrases in them I felt were unnecessary to the overall meaning of the poem. Like the detail of being under the age of three. Maybe if the lines were just a bit more broken up in the first two stanzas it wouldn't feel quite as wordy.

Side note: I see below in the comments you say you meant "purge" rather than "perjure" -- it's still not correctly spelled in the poem though ~ instead we've got a combination of the two words.

3) Are babies gross to you or cute?
I think babies are cute generally but not all the time. And puking babies -- are definitely not cute! I guess I think it's cuter seeing people's old baby pictures like wow you used to look like that! I worked at a daycare last summer that had plenty of 4 and 5 year olds and it was always mind blowing to me that someone that young already had enough time to generate an entire personality and already know so much of the world (especially when I compare how much I learn and change within a four year span -- which seems really small in comparison).

4) How can the poem improve?
Right now it feels like this poem is sort of divided into two haves.
Stanza 1 and 2 -- description of feelings, Stanza 3 - description of perception of babies. I think it might sprinkle some imagery and feelings throughout rather than dividing the two elements.

5) Do you think it's worth improving?
Sure! For me, it's an intriguing theme and that's like the part that's always worth or not worth saving. Also your description of babies as puddles of playdough is a fabulous line -- so that is definitely worth saving even if you don't re-work the whole poem.


Let me know if you have any questions about my review Aley!

<3

alliyah

Hello Aley! {Welcome to YWS!} Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Questions:

This review courtesy of

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking some hot cocoa! So, lets get started!
So, I myself, did not notice any spelling or gramma mistakes but someone else may have! Now, I will answer your five questions as well as try my hand at dissecting your poem.
For the first question I would have to I say I liked it, my favorite line being "It's not my thing, but to say that would be
to purger myself, to admit I am not like the rest," I do not know why I like this line but I do.
For the second question, I don't think I disliked it but if I must chose something, the vibe it gave me. The over all feeling that the poem conveyed to e was rather disturbing. I was like someone was watching my every move.
The third question, I would have to go with in the middle. I am not quite sure, family members cild sure. Some strangers kid, no idea.
Next up, question four. You could improve it by italicizing the "oo" and "aw". It make it seem more enthusiastic so the poem is more effected by it. Otherwise I have nothing else to say about improving the pome it self.
Lastly, question five. Well, yes always improve upon your writing. There is always something to improve with any writing, no matter the size. Be more descriptive, or add imagery. Compare things. Stuff like that can do so much more to a writing then before it was added.
Otherwise, I have nothing more to say and I liked the poem. If you write anymore please tag me! I would love to read more of your works! I need to go now, Grim has some more dead to reap and I ran out of cocoa for him.

Okay so first of all

to purger myself, to admit I am not like the rest,

little pink puddles of stacked playdough

Children aren't cute to me, and I'm never going to change that,
it is what it is, and other people don't accept that.
The other day I had a woman show me a picture of
her child and I had to lie about thinking it was cute,

They look like puke machines
covered in sticky goo with eyes too big,
and noses too small. How does it breathe?!
It's not for me.

lol. so true. to me, seeing babies is sometimes disgusting lol again. anyway good luck

Hey Aley! Lupa here for a RevMo review. I'm going to go ahead and answer your questions for you.

1) The last stanza is super descriptive. I would never have thought of using stacked Play-doh to describe babies. The poem overall is pretty blunt, which I feel can be both positive or negative, depending on how you look at it. I see it more in a positive light. It's positive because poems like these don't require a lot of flowery phrases to convey its meaning. You get your point across without beating around the bush.

2) This poem is definitely different from your other works. There's an almost childish undertone here, which is pretty ironic. The vocabulary is simplistic, so I'm not sure if that was intentional. If it isn't, then maybe try adding in some more complex words? Not too complex to make it formal, but just enough to take away the childish aspect. But if it's intentional, then disregard this answer.

3) I, for one, think babies are very cute. They can be quite troublesome, but I find it hard to get mad at them when they look so adorable to me.

4) I already mentioned that you could switch up your vocabulary in number two, but besides that, I'm not sure what I could improve. This poem is very fitting for its topic, you know. It's just the right style for what you chose to write about. You did wonderful with your style.

5) Anything is worth improving if you think you can turn it into something amazing!

So overall, I haven't much to say about this. The title is cool, your idea is great, your execution is near perfect. I hope I helped maybe just a little bit in my review! Great job and keep writing.

XOX,
Lupa22

Psssht, to be honest, I've never much liked kids either. They're either too hyperactive for me, or I'm just afraid that they're going to be hurt and so I get uneasy (and I worry I might be the one accidentally hurting them, because I have a wonderfully overactive imagination). But, since it's selfish to talk about myself when I should be reviewing your work, I'll jump right into the latter.

This is a blunt, firm, and strong poem. It's not within your usual style, but you make it work regardless. The first stanza establishes the societal expectations surrounding women and children, and the narrator's response to such, in terms that are forward and relatable to anyone familiar with the former (which, due to their commonplace nature in society, is most everyone). I feel like it could more appropriate to describe why exactly the narrator dislikes children from the get-go, and then switch to how public admittance of such would lead to the narrator's becoming an outcast. It just seems like a more appropriate arrangement, since it outlines the narrator's feelings and gives depth to them, and then ties back to the "people say" comment at the beginning by addressing how much people ascribe to the cliche, which ultimately runs in opposition to the narrator's feelings and could be damaging to them. The more immediate question is thus dealt with first, and it can then be linked with the implications brought about by the mass adopting of a "fact." To accomplish all of this, I would suggest moving the final six lines of the poem ("It's not in me...") to either the end of the first stanza, or in a new stanza between the first and second.

Otherwise, the poem is fantastic. The personal example, or the lie, is a nice touch, and I like the way in the possibility of the casting out of the narrator is conveyed (though "purge" might be better than "purger"), illustrating the narrator's fear and refusal to avoid the masquerade. The metaphors used in describing children also demonstrate the narrator's viewpoint, and work in allowing the audience to visualize the grossness and weirdness of children (particularly the people like me, who spent way too much time making playdough balls and so understand the strange textures and appearances). I will admit that I didn't much like the way in which "that" ends two consecutive lines, as it seems too blunt for me (not to mention their lines might be better separated with a semicolon). Too, the separation between the final line of the second stanza and the first line of the third stanza is awkward, and might improperly divide a train of thought. However, I enjoyed reading this poem from start to finish, and find it an honest and meaningful piece. Well done!

1) What did you like about this poem?
Though it doesn't really rhyme, I like the rhythm (if that's what it's called) and thought it was pretty funny. And yes, some babies aren't all that cute.. xD
I like the short, straightforward ending "It's not for me." It's all that needs to be said.

2) What did you dislike about this poem?
"to purger myself, to admit I am not like the rest"
Did you mean "purge"?
I'm also not a fan of the description "little pink puddles of stacked playdough". If they're stacked, how would it be a puddle? It puts an odd picture in my head- though I do like the comparison to playdough.

3) Are babies gross to you or cute?
Cute! (I guess I'm one of those typical baby-loving females) I love babies but babies don't love me. Seriously- I'm terrible with babies/toddlers, even though I think they're just adorable (though there are a few that are weird-looking.. sorry moms). My cousin's babies are the sweetest little guys ever, and my sister baby-sits another cute toddler. They cry when I try to hold them. ;-;

4) How can the poem improve?
I think you could improve by looking back at the things I disliked. I don't review/write poems too much and don't care for most of them, but this was pretty entertaining and I don't think there's much that needs improvement.

5) Do you think it's worth improving?
It's pretty good on its own, but if you agree with my comments on the "pink puddles" description and the "purger" typo you might want to go back and edit those.