Summer Closure

Hello! Flew from the nest to write this lovely review for you today! First off I would love to say is that this poem has alot of imagery and makes me feel the warm sun and the cool dirt beneath my feet. (Its winter here and wish to have something like this soon.)

Anyway, I notice some alliteration at "soft sun" and it gives itself a rhythm to follow which I enjoy. If i close my eyes, I can feel and see everything around me as if this poem has transported me to "read between the lines" (if that makes sense, I'm sure it doesn't)

I would like to finish by saying you are an amazing poet and writer. I wish i could write like you and write poems as good as this one... Anyway, I do hope to read more of these poems sometime or another but this bird needs to leave or else rain will ruin her wings.
CapitalMonday

Here I am, claws sharpened, ready to review this beautiful piece of loveliness.

Also. Geez, I already liked this, but I didn't review it which usually means I didn't have anything to review on it. This is gonna be hard because it's already so good. ;-;

So plain and simple, this is one of those list poems, made up of a bunch of nouns. I don't think I've read one of these in a while.
Because I like separating things, I'm going to do this stanza by stanza.

First stanza:
This is a very gentle start. This stanza relies heavily on hearing and seeing sensory details, and I feel like I'm really there. Almost. With the rain and being outside, I always love inhaling the beautiful nature-y scents life has to offer. Because I'm stuck inside almost all day every day, when I do go outside, I almost always take a deep breath and the smell of life makes me happier and calmer.
What I'm trying to say is that smell has a big effect, and it has a big effect in poetry too and I should probably use it more often.
Of course you don't have to have anything about smell here. You almost have it already. Just reading this stanza brought up the memories of out-doorsy smells, so I had to double check that you didn't have anything strictly to the smelling-point.
That didn't make a lot of sense (heh scents) but I'm going to keep it there in case it helps somehow.

Okay, so I'm looking at your first line, and I'm wondering what is this quiet music? Is it a flute? Then I look at your second line, and think "maybe it's the hum?" But then I be my over-analyzing self and think "What if the hum is just humming along to-- or even irregardless of-- that quiet music." Perhaps having the second line first would be better? Perhaps not.
I also think "whispering trees rustling branches" could use a little... nudge one way or another. Maybe separate them on different lines? They are two different subjects, are they not? OR are the whispering trees the ones doing the rustling of the branches? Then it would make sense. It still reads a little weird though.

I love the word cascading. It's so pretty.

Stanza two!

So here's where the poem starts to pick up a little energy and motion. We're making our legs ache and tossing our hair to the wind.
I liked the little detail of dirt-colored hair. It strikes me in so many ways.
The last line is bordering on the cliche line for me. Spice it up somehow.
I'm also half-and-half with liking "supple" in terms with "dirt."
Those are like, the only things I have to say about stanza 2.

Third stanza:
Climax time! bum-bum-buummm!

again, your pattern is like, one noun per line, so your first line (and third one) kinda throws me off. It's got two nouns! Also "shimmering" as referring to a memory is kind of cliche for me too.
"Contracting tones" I'm not sure what that means. Sounds kind of painful though.

exposed elation of a dream
come true

speechless.mind-blowing.you have shown how to create a harmonius melody and rythym without having any proper rhyming scheme.i almost visualise the day you are trying to describe,with the character'with dust beneath her hands" in it.the subtle suggestion of girl meeting boy,in the midst of a sunny -rainy-windy-quiet day is marvellous. And good use of adjectives-Wind-tossed,shimmering recollection...this composition is just flawless.i almost feel like drowning in the picture you have described.lot to learn from you

First off, very good poem.

I don't mind your lack of punctuation and capitalization here. It fits the mood, I think: hazy memories, lazy hours, the days all blurring together in your mind.... However, commas at the end of the lines that need them might improve the clarity and readability of the poem.

About the line "the warm, and soft sun." At first reading, this line is confusing. At second reading, I think I know what you meant, but I'm not sure. Did you mean "the warmth, the soft sun" or "the warm and soft sun"? That line may need a little revision for clarity... something as simple as changing the order of the phrases, maybe? Like: "the soft sun, the warm."

I'd recommend a comma after "supple" in "supple cool dirt beneath my hands."

Your imagery in this poem is very good. Overall, this is a strong poem.

~ jessiethought ~

First if all, I love it! The words used are beautifully descriptive and helped me feel what the poem was saying. I've always liked free verse poetry. It is a great style of expression, without as many rules.
Punctuation isn't my strong point, but I think there were a few things that could've been changed. And capitalization would help too. Other than that, great job!

Growing up we learn how to write grammatically correct but at a certain point they let us in on a secret. We can write poetry however we want. No rules, it's all up to us. Saying this, I love how you wrote this poem. I read it out loud, I'm home alone, so I could hear the words I was reading. I liked it very much. There was a nice ring to it and the words flowed nicely across my tongue. I don't think you should change a thing. My favorite part is the first stanza. I could picture the sounds in my head and feel the rustling of the branches. Good job.

Hey hun, Kyla here. I enjoyed this piece, and I'm sure you enjoyed writing it. I just want to break the first part down, just to give you a small piece of how I would go about this. If I offend you in anyway although, let me know. I want to help, but I don't want to break down your confidence either, because it is good.

So, first piece. I personally think that you should've capitalization, but that's just me. When you read a poem, in you're head, it's like a voice reading it to you right? We have commas, periods, etc. to let us know when our break in the sentence or what-have-you is. Example: Quiet music on the breeze; a gentle hum. I think this poem is very good, and really gets you to thinking.

I hope this helped, and I hope to see you more