Tired eyelids close heavy
sandpaper pushing them back
but gravity pulling them down.
The fight can last for hours
somewhere between itchy
and relief that spins too fast.
Tottering between reality
and the darkness that dances
with little flecks of light
the kaleidoscope from pressure
playing games with perspective
until there's vision again
like fields of flowers
fresh as wood fires in summer
or the thrumming of
a cellphone on the bedside table
and the fight begins again.
Gravity pulling them down
before the text is read,
perhaps it was already replied to
there's a new e-mail though,
kaleidoscopes of pressure
wood fires, fresh
and dancing e-mail
Cold closing in around lame legs
and crawling up from toes
but the cellphone won't stop sounding
something about exes and faces
flashing in the flowering field
running for the stream
laughing like children again
just a moment of closed eyes
instead of the burning white screen.
Just moments of closed eyes
burning white screens timing out.
The cellphone buzzes.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I love this one Aleeeeeey! XD
You inspired me work harder in poetry.
That's nice.
Hey Michelle here,
This poem was in a word fantastic. As someone who spends way too much time on my cellphone I kind of get the imagery you are using. The inability to tune out of today’s technology filled world is actually becoming a real problem for many people especially teens. I for one often sacrifice the necessity of sleep for the amusement provided by my laptop or phone. My parents even complain about my phone buzzing at all hours of the day. For a phenomenon so difficult to capture with words, you seemed to describe it perfectly. The words you use actually give off that hazy feeling you are describing. It’s amazing! I read a lot of poetry but yours is especially great because you don’t sacrifice quality for quantity. A lot of poems are wordy with so many metaphors that you lose the meaning after the first few verses. To contrast that, your poem is simple yet powerful in its word choice and language. I’m curious as to what inspired you to write this; personal experience or merely observation? Regardless it is a wonderful poem and I’m privileged to have read it. At this point I would critique it but in fact there is nothing to critique. YOU picked your words carefully and your work was well... flawless. I can’t wait to read more of your poems and look forward to reviewing them. Just keep writing and don’t stop, except for some sleep (pun intended).
Have a great day!
-Michelle
This poem is really amazing and i will have to agree with the komododragon( the guy who has written a review before me) that this poem gives you a clear picture of what the poet wants to tell us in simple but nice words.The only thing i wanted to double chjeck with you was is the entire poem about our relation with the electronic screen or only some parts of it are. I liked you title a lot since it really attracts the readers attention.Once again amazing poem.Great job. I hope to see more of your work in the future.
This is... simply fantastic work! That's it! I just love the imagery. It all paints a neat, detailed, dreary picture of this insane tiredness. The buzzed feeling one gets as they force themselves to stay awake. It's frickin' dizzying! I love it. The kaleidoscope metaphor for blurred vision, the repetition of terms throughout creating the feeling of this constant cycle... Just great. It's awesome!
Wow! This is really good! I love your use of metaphors to emphasize your story. I personally don't read poetry because so many people put hidden meanings into them, but yours is easy to understand and excellently written. Good job!