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E - Everyone

Stalking- sometimes it's good...

by umaima


Quiet, Smart and all alone,

walks this person I didn't know.

Their eyes on the floor all time,

like there was something priceless below.

That person- I would say,

was amazing in a unique way,

like never had they thought of,

what enjoyment really was.

One day I decided to follow,

I'm not really a stalker although.

Just curious as I may describe it,

this cat went through all the house rows.

When I found where they stayed,

I climbed the roof and went in,

trust me-I am not a thief,

just as curious as a kid.

I saw that person sitting on a chair,

reading a newspaper of yesterday,

'Man that was weird' I had thought

and that moment I was caught.

That person smiled when they saw me,

which rose my confusion pace

and they asked what I was doing there

and how I passed the gate.

I was so surprised by their voice,

that my leg felt glued to the ground,

this awkward moment almost killed me

and I wished a hole to rise from the ground.

Then I remembered my mission,

to know the reason of their silence,

I slowly walked towards them

and asked "Are you an alien?"

That person laughed loudly,

making an ocean of embarrassment in me,

though that colgate smile made me sink,

in another ocean of senseless guilt.

Guilt of liking it endearly,

wondering how heavenly it was,

thinking why actually did they never,

had shown this side before.

'Of course not' they said with the same smile,

'Why would you ask?' they questioned.

And stared at me like "I"

was the strange one.

'You never spoke' I said innocently,

'And how can you say that?' they asked the same way.

'I speak when I need to and don't when I shouldn't'

that is all I think they could say.

Okay, this was not expected,

such an easy answer had to be inspected.

After all the hard work I had done,

how could 'this' be accepted?

So I just stood there staring at them,

hoping that mouth to open a little,

but oh! That person was so stubborn,

that they started a staring competition.

Finally when we were tired of our absurdity,

he spoke once again with clearity,

'If you really want to know the reason

then why not we become friends for once?'

Awestruck, astonished and surprised

I just nodded with a smile.

This day was so crazy to believe

that I felt frozen for a while.

I just realized I had made this new friend,

whom I had never spoken to in my life,

and in no place other than his own house

Oh my! How lucky am I?

- umaima


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Tue Sep 17, 2013 6:34 am
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rbt00 wrote a review...



Hhahahahah I really loved the way you wrote the poem. When I was reading this I totally forgot where you did mistakes and errors. All I could just see and enjoy was the theme of this poem. Stalking... Really Great! I loved the lines
"in another ocean of senseless guilt"
"Oh my! How lucky am I?"
And alot more lines.
A few mistakes here and there but Social is dricving me crazy and internet is dragging me inside it. So i REALLY need to leave YWS Right now and have to study!
TAKE CARE!!




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Tue Sep 17, 2013 5:55 am
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DreamWork wrote a review...



Hi umaima,so here is Dark to give review on your poem.

I really like the poem written in narrative form. Where it is easier to understand and written in a leisurely style.Only one that made me a bit tortured here is when reading a lengthy poem with words that are less meaningful.I mean, it's just pointless,when in fact this great poem actually can be shortened by just put the important parts only.However, I am excited with some parts of your poem which highlights the variations inside-indeed different with other humor poems.
# making an ocean of embarrassment in me,

though that colgate smile made me sink,

in another ocean of senseless guilt. -->I really love this description of your poem!

Also,the end of the poem is good to me too.It is a humor that give lessons to the reader;
# I just realized I had made this new friend,

whom I had never spoken to in my life,

and in no place other than his own house

Oh my! How lucky am I?
Well done and keep it up :D
Kudos,cheers
~Dark




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Mon Sep 16, 2013 9:39 pm
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Blackwood wrote a review...



Yo.

This is my perspective and I do not know your intentions and motives in writing this.

First of all I felt it was really really random. At first it was all good but after they got in the window it wen't super weird. I did make sense, what was happening, but I feel like the whole ideas are just really random and it sort of makes me feel like when I was writing my bad story and I was just trying to throw everything in as possible. (Don't worry this isn't bad like that XD just using it as an example)
To be specific it was the alien bit. I thought "what the?" when I read it, the ideas don't seemed to be planned or placed, just thrown in there, and the guy just seems so chill that a crazy person is in his house.
Also lines like this I feel a random and unnecessary.

'You never spoke' I said innocently,
Why? because of a few reasons.
1. the person is already thinking it so it feels like repeating.
2. Its just a weird thing to say, and shows more excessive stalking.
3. This dude was just some random dude why would he be speaking with you? I don't go up to people, even ones who I know of, and expect them to talk.

Ok part 2 of the bad review is here.
Overall I feel like because of the randomness of your word placement, the lines don't feel very poetic. Once again its like you wrote each line without a second thought and just kept them like as, with the occasional rhyme when you noticed. The poem becomes very long because I think you have an overflow of ideas and you take a ton of lines to express one thing. I think that you could make a more powerful and funny poem if it was shorter.

K bad parts over~
I liked the whole idea of stalker, and you had some really good and funny lines midst all that randomness.
I also think that the start of the poem was done much better than the rest poetically wise, because you are showing us rather than telling us. The person is a stalker so she has observed attributes about their target which is characteristic of a stalker, (compared to the end where you a randomly listing a story) I have taken into consideration that you want this to be random, but I feel its a bit too random.

Anyway, good job.




umaima says...


First of all, the reason she questioned his about being an alien was just something to show the girl was dumb and also though the poem is in the 1st person , the girl in the poem is not me!
Secondly, yes the girl was think but she wanted to ask the boy the whole time, now the boy isn't a mind reader so she HAD to ask him -_-
And I do not understand what you mean when you say 'random' here, but ah well! Thanks for reviewing :)



Blackwood says...


For some reason i got the impression the guy was an old man.



umaima says...


It's okay, you can think what you want after all it's not like the perfectly young man will turn into an old one because of it :P



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Mon Sep 16, 2013 9:38 pm
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arianaSarroyo wrote a review...



Hi there! Ariana with your review. So to start off, I must admit this is a bit lengthy :-( But it was nicely done. You had some nice descriptions and you really placed the image in my mind of a stalker and the stalked. I admit I would have appreciated some stanzas, but knowing YWS, of course we could place blame on them for that :-) Fortunately, this was good poem, nevertheless. I really like some of the imagery you used here. I do think, however, that I spotted a mistake here. I'm not sure if "clearity" is a word. Forgive me if I'm wrong but I believe it's "clarity". Anyway, like what the reviewer below mentioned, I was definitely a fan of the imagery. The similes and metaphors and such. So I'll end this review by saying you did a good job, and I look forward to reading more from you.




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Mon Sep 16, 2013 5:04 pm
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dragonfphoenix wrote a review...



Hahahaha!!! I loved this poem! Not a fan of the punctuation, but I could totally relate to the whole 'stalking' episode [my friend and I ended having an entire conversation about the difference between creeping and stalking]. I like the imagery and vividness of the poem.
The only thing I would comment on is this: why do you call the stalked person 'they' sometimes, and then 'him' others? If it's a guy, then you should probably edit all the 'theys' right out of there.
Hope this helps!





Not many will ever really understand you / That doesn't mean you aren't worth understanding
— Quillfeather