Young Writers Society

Oh my goodness! I loved this! Especially the 'marry you' part. I swear, I can almost feel the girl's pain! And I like the fact that your character accurately portrays the typical nervousness of all girls being approached by their crush. Plus, the fact that the girl's crush didn't even realize her mistake and ended up asking her out made the poem even better! Awesome job!

He was hot
And I was dumb
He stood up
And I went numb

I seriously loved this part and well, I loved the humor in it.
It was great (Loved it!) You are and can be a great writer and poet Umaima and I believe it!

hey umaima i really like this story kinda dont u think u talked more about ur crush thing seriously i hate love but i like it.by the way u know what u did there in the part With my blood red cheeks I rushed past him And ran out of the park Hitting my head on the rim dont u think u should have said that with my red cheeks and then rushed past him and ran out of the park hitting my head hard on the rim well u did what u had to nice story though

well its firefighter again!
well this piece was really funny and I enjoyed a lot reading it.
keep writing and please post more poems fast <3
loved it and that's all but I would check my rhymying at times though
that's it then for now

Hi, I'll be reviewing your poem today

Firstly, I like your topic, it was playful, personal and realistic, it's someting a lot of people can relate with, liking someone the excitment and nervousness etc.. Anyways there are some suggestions I'd like to make for your poem.

I don't usually like rhyming in poems but it works in your poem, it add humour, and flowed for the most part but at times it put your rhythm off, also use the rhyme scheme throughout because in one of your stanzas you don't use it.

There's quite a lot of dialog in your poem maybe use less and show more?
‘LOL’ he said
‘It was an amazing joke’
And picked the ball
Which lied near my book ‘Hope’

Here at the beginning instead of saying "LOL" you could say;
"He laughed and said,
It was an amazing joke...etc

Overall a good poem just some minor things to edit.
Keep writing!

-Infinity

Hi there! Noir here, and I'll be your reviewer today. Let's rock.

First up: Concept. The concept for this poem was lovely. It's one of the constant struggles in life, getting crushes to notice you, and this time was no exception. Acting foolish is typically my first way to get attention as well.

Second on this list: Rhythm. I absolutely loved your quartets with the couplets. It made it easy to read and it was very catchy. Good on you there. There were a few places, however, that I noticed didn't fit the style. In the second to last stanza, you broke your form with "Because I was sure
I would have fainted
With all the embarrassment
And my dumbness"
This didn't rhyme, and it kind of broke the flow of the poem and it threw me off at the last minute. I am only pointing this one out, but there are a few others that are iffy.

Finally: Grammar.
"I tilted by head
To hide my blush
And said *okh*
In a rush"
I just wanted to inform you on your typo there. It should be "okay." Other than that little flaw, I noticed nothing wrong.

Overall, this poem was cute and cheerful, which I loved. The rhythm was great, with the exception of a stanza or two. And there were a few nit picks in grammar.

This gets my rating of 7/10. It needs a bit of work, but it's very good.

This has been NoirLumiere, and there' your review. Good night, and keep rocking.