Forgotten

by umaima

Published March 19, 2013

E - Everyone

In

main- actor- Louis 

actress- annabeth

-------------------------

Louis

June 18, 2001....

I was 6 that time, when I along with my mom had gone to France. Jean Bernard, that's the place where she and her crew had gone to do her research. The world's deepest cave and for me, the most horrifying. She took me there for sightseeing and asked to stay near a yellow tape as I had seen it as, before. It was really amusing and I kind of liked it there. My mom is an archeologist and she came to know that there was something valuable to be found there as written in the manuscripts, so she had come here looking for it. And I on the other hand, was too small to think where to go and where not to.

I can't believe the crew was so careless. I walked towards the cave which was quite amusing to me. I thought to have a closer look so I kept getting closer to it by every second; it was so mysterious and breathtaking that I had to know more about it. I kept walking more and more closer to it every second and then suddenly my foot slipped. Oh no. I fell down. It was so deep that anyone especially a small boy would die by falling inside but I didn't.

I rather call it luck than any of the strange beliefs what people had, when I came out of it. As I remember it, I didn't actually fall on the ground. I was caught but I don't yet know how or by whom. I felt it...I felt someone's arms below me but I couldn't see anyone nor could I hear.

As I stood on my feet again, once inside the cave, I shouted "Hello, daddy you there?"

The cave was typically dark and goofy. It gave goosebumps to me that time even though I was a great fan of horror stories and the most 'not afraid of anything' kid in school. It had pillars, a lot of pillars but they weren't the decent ones, they were sharp edged or spiky and were very underdeveloped. 

I kept walking and examining walls inside, when suddenly I came across a strange inscription written on the wall. I had seen millions of manucripts and inscriptions before and this one looked more than hundreds of years old. Leaning close, I touched it and tried to make sence of it. When I touched it with my dirty hands it shone so brightly that for a second or two I couldn't see anything, there was a bright light which came out of it. As the light faded I saw a crack appear beside it and in it was a book kept. 

"Annabeth's diary" I read aloud after taking it out of there...suddenly I gust of wind passed  through me and there was a movement in the cave, I felt scared and shouted "dad" and everything silenced up. I opened the book and read aloud:

“Once upon a time,

In a far away village,

Lived a beautiful girl

Who was also a mage.

 

She was different but great

From all her friends and mates,

Which always made them mad

For which she only felt bad.

 

When she felt angry,

There would be a storm.

When she felt sad,

There would only be rain.

 

‘If only’, she wished

‘I could control’

‘If only’, she wished

‘I ever got loved’

 

Her parents left her,

Her friends did the same,

Thinking she was nothing

But only pain.

She was laughed on

And was pricked upon,

Everyone cursed her

And told her to move on.

 

‘Please’ she begged

‘I will do you no harm

Just treat me normal

And I will be everyone’s charm’

‘It is because I’m sad

My powers are out of control,

It is because I am hurt

That there is thunder and no hope’

 

‘If only could someone

Take care of me,

And treat me like a person

Would my pain heal'... " 

I got interrupted by my mom's call. "O my god, Louis, son you are alive" she called out crying. I hid the book behind me and let her hug me. "How did you...let’s go honey...You will never leave mom again okay"

"Mom an angel saved me" I said "Someone caught me mom, Dad isn't dead...he caught me mom, so I wouldn't fall" 

"Let’s go honey" she said as she wiped her tears.

We got out of the cave, a rescue team helped us and as soon as we did, the media scrambled upon us and rushed furiously towards well specifically me. 

"He's alive" said so many people together covering their mouths at the same time. I kept looking left and right to know what actually was going on but couldn't. I was too young to know. 

"My dad saved me" I shouted at them sheepishly "He caught me with his hands, I could feel it" at this many old women's eye brows raised and pupils enlarged as if they were astonished while the news reporters just came closer asking more questions.

"He is still in a shock" My mom covered up for me and pulled me out of there.

We reached our hotel room and once we were inside she caught me tightly and said "Please dear, never mention about today to anyone, will you keep it a secret for your mom and never ever think about today again?"

"Yes, mommy" I replied and wiped her tears "Pinky promise" and she chuckled and sent me to my bedroom. I don't know whether she saw or not but I still carried that diary. I went to my room and put that diary safely inside my room's store and locked it. 'I will never ever read it again as I promised mom' I thought; and I will erase it from my memory'

The media was still out of the hotel. All the TV channels featured me and everyone continuously repeated my dialogue “My dad caught me” and everyone spoke about it for a long time saying weird stuff and some people even named me as the miracle child...

Today is 10 may 2013 and I just turned 18 a month ago. I am in the last year of my college and I am still in France. You must be wondering why. Well things just turned out this way. My mom found whatever she was looking for and well she got a permanent job here. My name is Louis, an average teenager who has 2 best friends and one of them is quite geeky while the other is what girls call the handsome hunk...and I ...Well I am just a guy who isn't really into stuff...A guy who would rather be at home than attend a party...who would rather be alone than be with a friend...who would rather be in his messy room than at any club...

I still remember this incident as it usually comes in my dreams. The one stated above. This isn't something that should bother an 18 year old boy anymore but it does to me. Why? Because of what happened today.... “I” met a girl called Annabeth.

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Here’s the first part....hope you people enjoy it and always remember....comment, rate, review and likes are always welcomed ;)

this is what the cave looked like - http://www.zoniana.gr/sfentoni/cave_02.jpg

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Lyrienne
Review
Lyrienne wrote a review Review · Mar 21, 2013

The first thing i noticed when reading was that the story flowed. Your word choice was good and the only mistakes i could find were missing words here and there.
I would like to know if you wanted the beginning to be a diary-like section or if you wanted to tell the reader what the date was.
I would however suggest that you mention the main character is a boy toward the beginning. I was surprised to find out almost at the end that it was a he and not a she, though that could just be me.
I cant comment on the main character himself because i didn't get to find out much about him yet, but i did enjoy the introduction by telling the reader certain key facts (like that his father is dead and that his mother is an archaeologist).
I would like to know what the Louis looks like in the second part.
I found it odd that he found a book in the middle of a cave. I suggest you add that he found it in a crack or something. The archaeologists would have found it otherwise. I would like to know a bit more about what the cave looked like and what, more or less, his mother was looking for.
Now to the, in my opinion, most important part, what your story conveyed. The poem made me curious, i hope to soon find out a bit more about that. The beginning gives you a sort of sad and yet "homely" feeling. I felt sad about louis's loss and yet his character was one i felt comfortable reading.
I would like to mention that this is all my opinion. You don't need to accept it or believe it. I believe in telling people what i think because it is the most helpful. I want this story to succeed and hope to see a second part when it is ready. If it seems like i am only criticizing, please believe me when i say that i enjoyed reading this.
I hope i can see a second part soon!

umaima replied · Mar 22, 2013

hey,
well first of all thanks for the review and secondly I will consider or more specifically work on all the points you mentioned as they are really good...thanks a lot for your time

umaima replied · Mar 22, 2013

and the first part wasn't diary like ..it just wanted to say the date...

Random avatar
firefighter
Review
firefighter wrote a review Review · Mar 19, 2013

Oh gosh I just wrote the whole review but the page refreashed....ahhh
anyways I will write it again
First of all hye umaima and I am like the biggest fan of your stories. I loved loved loved it like anything and I am waiting desperately for the next part. This one had very less mistakes and actually no mistakes as I see it and the plot was awesome...

Loved the way you used a witch in this or a Mage, whatever you call it and love it so keep writing and hope to see the next part soon :D

firefighter

umaima replied · Mar 19, 2013

thanks firefighter

Asma replied · Mar 21, 2013

ahem..ahem! :P

umaima replied · Mar 21, 2013

lol...asma



The true adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate.
— O. Henry (William Sydney Porter)