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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

My life savior

by umaima


The first time I met you,
I thought you were a jerk.
Who only knew,
how NOT to work.

Sleeping all day in class
and never talking at all,
Still answering all the questions
at your every call.

All the teachers loved you
and highly praised you,
though I rather called you
sleeping beauty.

I knew it never made sense
but so didn't you
and therefore it felt
like perfect for you.

The girls in high school
never gave me another chance,
to actually see you
or even talk once.

So the whole time
I never truly came to know, 
how you were from inside
your hard covered shell.

But it wasn't all my fault
I would say although,
because you too never came to me
and never even said 'hello'.

You never noticed me 
after our first time,
you always ignored me
making it a long time.

Anyways, I will get to the point
Sorry, I will say
And Thank you for saving me
from all disasters then.

You truly are My life savior
and I owe you for that one,
even though I still feel 
you are as rude as you could ever be.

You truly are My life savior
and I Thank you for that one,
but that won't ever change  
my feelings about you.

My feelings of love and hatred
at the same time,
My feelings of attraction and repulsion
everytime..

------------------------
made this half an hour ago as I was feeling real bored....hope you poeple like it and if you do don't forget to comment or review it ...love you guys and thanks already for all your love :)


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Comments



Random avatar

Points: 1690
Reviews: 11

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Tue Mar 19, 2013 12:05 pm
firefighter wrote a review...



Hey umaima
firefighter here again

well this piece was great too but others were more fun...It had a meaning and that was clear and i had fun reading it. Enjoying your work here. keep on writing...

And if I were to rate it I would give it 8.5 on 10 ...keep on the work and please keep writing.
thanks for being a writer




Random avatar

Points: 1690
Reviews: 11

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Tue Mar 19, 2013 12:04 pm
firefighter says...



oh again...above is my review




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30 Reviews


Points: 744
Reviews: 30

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Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:51 am
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ScandalousPhoenix wrote a review...



Heyyy Umaima!

I am new here so I am not a 'professional' reviewer person but I will try my best!

This poem held a deep message but I seemed to be racing through it because there didn't seem to be any breaks where I could take a breath. You should add commas and periods. Try using stronger language also to lure the reader in, make the reader feel what you are feeling! It was hard for me to keep on reading because your choice of words wasn't enough to keep me in. Also, check your spelling. Ex: "Sleeying" to "Sleeping."

My review... Hope you don't find this too overwhelming or meean! I like it though!<33

-ScandalousPhoenix




umaima says...


hey scandalous, well thanks for the review and welcome to YWS, hope you enjoy here...and thanks for telling me my flaws I will surely do something about :)



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13 Reviews


Points: 1234
Reviews: 13

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Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:48 am
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Asma wrote a review...



i like it love it,,blah blah blah

you might be fed up of hearing it right?? especially when i already "praised" it face to face...

Anyways, rhyming is good..,but you write better than this... so take care of the quality of it not the quantity :P

-Asma




umaima says...


thanks asma



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13 Reviews


Points: 1234
Reviews: 13

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Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:41 am
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Asma says...



sleepying?!!!!




umaima says...


no it is sleeping...not sleepying...
please correct your spelling mistake asma



Asma says...


haha lol.....i just said you twice and you corrected both of them and now....uh! no place for goodwill left on this earth!!!
and for your kind information, its Thank You not thankyou!!! :P



umaima says...


I know asma...but thanks for telling me anyways :P



Asma says...


You're welcome...but not always.. :P



umaima says...


whatever




To succeed, you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you.
— Tony Dorsett