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Love chapter III

by umaima


Part 3

Frank (special chapter)
She smiled at me though I couldn’t make out the reason but I felt like smiling at her back. Wasn’t I supposed to be angry at her for doing what she did last year? But I never had felt angry at her and seeing her smile today only made me not angry at her even more. It felt like she was immature, an immature angel…

“Oh my god, my necklace” she shouted placing her hand on her neck and interrupting my thoughts. “My necklace” she repeated and started searching for it in the sea. ‘Is she really so dumb?’ I thought. Did she really think that she could find her necklace in the sea, that’s impossible.

She kept searching for it, fell but again got up and searched and while doing so she became all wet ‘seriously this girl’ I thought as I went towards her into the sea. I had to get her out of there. Already it was so cold and from what I saw, she wasn’t someone to think before doing things. She started crying as I approached her. I grabbed her hand and tried to pull her out of the sea but she didn’t listen “I’m not going, leave…my…hand” she shouted crying

“Don’t you have a brain? Do you really think you can find it in a sea? Seriously? There is no life guard around here todayso if something happens…”

“Why do you even care when nobody cares about me…just leave me be, I need to find it” she interrupted while sobbing and still searching for it

“Look, if something happens to you your mom and my mom both will kill me because I am here too so just forget about that necklace, I promise I will buy you a new one so just…” she didn’t listen. Instead she pulled her hand away from me and shouted “I will find it so just leave, I know I will”

She was all red by now. I had never seen anyone crying so bitterly for a necklace. I mean it’s just an object, a material which can be bought again. “Leave” she shouted again turning her back towards me “I will find it so leave”

“Fine then. Let’s see if you can” I said her, she wasn’t going to get out of the sea until she finds it and I knew that just by looking at her. It was just that she was very arrogant and dumb.

I got out of the sea and was surprised to see her necklace fallen beside the bench, on which her coat lied. It was pretty but not worth that importance how much Suzan was giving it. I started to pick it up and while doing so she shouted “I’m not, no matter what, going anywhere without finding it so just get lost”

“Really, fine then I will” I answered her and picked her necklace, kept on the bench and went back home.

The whole time the only thing I could think about was her and that only made me more mad. The wind that day was so furious that I was sure that A storm was heading towards us.

It was 11 when I reached back home. This time let me see till when she keeps this up.

I went to my room and tried to sleep. It was real hard but I managed it anyways, she was too stubburn and she needed to learn a lesson. Not everything in this world would happen how she wants it to be. I had thought not figuring that I was as stubburn as her…

“Wake up frank, its 7:30” mom shouted after entering my room

“Mom, school starts at 9, why waking me so early, any special occasion?” I asked in my sleepy tone. The thing is mom never wakes me up, of course and today all of a sudden she does, so obviously something is up.

“It’s your first day frank and you are finally in college” she says “by the way me and your dad are heading to the hospital for some work so could you do me a favor honey” Of course, I nodded

“Well could you wake Suzan up, her room is locked and also take her to college with you as she probably doesn’t know the way from here and she has no driver till she is at our house, will you?” Once again Of course

“Sure mom, is that all?” I asked and she nodded and the next moment she left the room. I got up and changed and till I was ready, mom and dad had already left. I went towards Suzan’s room and as expected she wasn’t answering and had locked her room. In spite this I was really relieved that she had come back.

I thought to try for the last time and banged her door and to my luck it opened. Only this time I figured that she hadn’t opened the door nor was she in her room. Wait, SHE’S NOT IN HER ROOM that means….OH god, this girl.

I rushed past the stairs and headed outside. Her bike wasn’t there and that only made my heart beat rise. I could literally hear my heart thud and I am sure, I never might have got this tensed for anyone. I shouldn't have left her yesterday, I mean what was I thinking. Even after knowing that she is not going to backout I left her.

I took my car keys and headed towards the sea. ‘Please be safe’ I wished. I drove furiously and as I reached there I ran towards the bench. ‘Was she really so impossible?’ I felt worried, guilty and angry all at the same time. ‘She might have headed to college’ I thought or more specifically wished. When I reached the bench I felt a hard current pass through me. Her coat and bike both were there. Even the necklace. But I couldn’t find her anywhere. OH NO.

I looked everywhere but she wasn’t to be seen.

Wait. Thank goodness, she came from behind a huge rock. Weak and falling at her every step. I ran towards her, as relieved as I had never been ever before and caught her hand with a tight grip saying “Let’s go”

She really was impossible “Leave” she shouted with her weak voice. She was really hot, hot as in burning from fever. I pulled her with me out of the sea, ignoring all her effort to let her be. It was quiet easy as she was really weak. When we were out of the sea I left her hand and picking up the necklace on the bench handed it to her saying “I guess you were looking for this”

I saw a weak but amusing and heart stopping smile on her face “Thank you” she said and hugged me “Thank you” she murmured again. And then I could feel her head rest on my shoulder though her hands didn’t actually wrap around me. I felt amazing which I shouldn’t have. It was weird, having a girl who you literally wouldn’t want to be around with hug you and you actually liking it. She really was adorable. Everything she did only made me get more addicted towards her. That's one of the reason I always ignored her. I obviously didn't want her to know that, so i kept my distance from her and now here I am having those feelings all again. I wished to never let her go. But she didn't like me so I had to.

I pulled her away from me when I got back to my senses but her head dropped down to my chest. She had fainted. “Suzan” I shouted, Oh gosh, seriously. I was really thunder stuck. I might not have done for any girl in my whole life, what all I had done for her. She really was making my life messy.

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hey people...so here is the third part and don't forget to review, comment or rate it. Would love to know what you think of it and love you people....

Hope you enjoy :)


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Points: 1690
Reviews: 11

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Tue Mar 19, 2013 12:10 pm
firefighter wrote a review...



hey umaima, once again
well finally I finished reading this part...I was so desperate to know what happened next and here I am...finished it :D

waiting for part 4 now

Well this part was like it had been revised as it had mistakes to the level of extinctness so great job and please try finishing 4th part fast

firefighter




umaima says...


glad you liked it



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Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:02 pm
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Deadman wrote a review...



I will tell you this, I am loving the story. I was eagerly awaiting the third chapter and nearly lost it in the feed of the stories. There are errors in the story, but i brushed them off as I read it. However, that was the first time. I always read a story twice, once for enjoyment then again to pick it apart.

Did you proofread this? There are several places that confuse me, and I'm not even sure what you were trying to say. Like this phrase right here,

"“Sure mom, is that all?” I asked and she nodded and left the room, I got up-changed and till I was ready mom and dad had already left." I really have no clue what you where trying to say after that comma, plus I'd also break this up into two sentences.

Also when you spelled stubborn, you broke it up into two words? I don't understand why....For example,

" It was real hard but I managed it anyways, she was too stub burn and she needed to learn a lesson, that not everything in this world would happen how she wants it to be, I had thought not figuring that I was as stub burn as her..."

On top of the fact that it's spelled incorrectly, this is a huge run-on sentence. It's the size of a small paragraph and not a period to be found! Also as I read it, I find it hard to make sense of.

I could point out more errors, but they are easily fixed if you would just go in and proofread your work. Grammatical issues are there, and you seem a bit comma happy. (I struggle with that too, got nailed on one of my works). You should also work on clarifying some of the sentences. I already stated that I get lost and confused in a few areas where things fail to make sense. Also I want more detail, describe the scenery and slow down. You are moving really fast through the story. Slow down, add more detail, and really show us what's going on. Most of these issues are easily fixed with proofreading.

Overall it is a good piece. I really am enjoying this series and I anticipate the next chapter. Your writing isn't that bad, it just needs proofread. As I state in all of my reviews these are just my opinions, and it's your story. You can take my advice or not, it's all up to you. I do hope to see more from you.

Cheers!,

Deadman




umaima says...


hey deadman,
thanks for telling me that and I will surely proofread this one and the others before submitting from now on wards...



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13 Reviews

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Mon Mar 18, 2013 5:13 am
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Asma wrote a review...



hey! Asma here as always i'll be reviewing this chapter today...

Okay, so it was quite impressive but again those punctuation and spelling mistakes which you will correct after reading this (hopefully).

And i like the way Frank said.."OH...this girl...."
it actually showed the realisticness of the character and i like that the character. So i pretty much say a "YES" to this...

Thats all i've got now...good one, and keep writing !




umaima says...


thanks




Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
— Pablo Neruda