Bold is for the Girl, Normal handwriting for the boy and Italics when both of them sing together
I was staring at the moonlight,
thinking about my wish
what was it -I wanted to know
that made me so desperate
What was it? That actually was my dream,
was it him? and not anything else
Was it her?that I actually wanted
Or was it jussst my dream
Now I look at his eyes and see the moonlight
and now I want to be his morning sunrise
Now I wish I could see her every morning
Like I look at the sun everytime
,
Because I,
I think I'm in love
with her/his beautiful mistakes
And I,
I think I'm in love
with her/his childish pranks
to meet me everyday
And I,
I think I'm have fallen for her/him
because everyday when I wake up
and look out of my window
the only thing I want to see
is his face
and everyday when I leave my house
and see any shining gem
the only thing I think of is
her face
oh yeahh
Staring at him everyday,
I thought it was something else
And I wasn't so dumb
to fall for him
Looking at her stare at me,
I thought I always made a mistake
And ofcourse
she would never fall for me
Neither did I come to know
nor did he
that what we actually thought was silly
was our love
And neither did I come to know
nor did she
that why we panicked around each other
wasn't because we were dumb
but was our love
and now finalllyyyyy
I,
I think I'm in love
with all the foolishness we both shared
And I,
I think I'm in love
because I just can't stay away from him/her anymoreeee
And I,
I think I' have fallen in love
because everyday when I see her
my heart goes out of control
and everyday when he looks at me
I get jerks in my nerves
yes I,
I think I am finally in love
Finally in love
finally in love
finally in lovee...
-------------------------------------
finally posted this....made it one day before my maths exam ...xD....hope you people like it and to tell you the truth I am so not having any conection with this song....ANY at all....just made it for fun so people don't forget to review, like or comment on it...
Hiya umaima! Here for part two of your Secret Santa reviews :3
x
Right, so my first thought about this was that it was quite cute and sweet. I also thought it was a really cool idea to have different part the boy, girl and both of them would sing. I can imagine it happening and it just seems like a really cute idea.
Things I picked up on is firstly it's all a bit cliche. I mean, usually when I read these sort of poems/lyrics I think it's okay because that's how they truly feel. However at the bottom you mention it's not connected to how you actually feel so I just have to say a couple things. The whole thing seems a bit too high school musical for me. Love isn't perfect, and most of the times it's not like the movies. Try and pick more of personal experiences to talk about what love feels like. And if you don't think you have any, then just think of how you personally may feel. Love is different for everyone, so try not using these cliche ideas we always hear about.
A second thing is that I'm not quite sure of the structure. I think it needs to have more of a definitive structure. Now I'm not saying verse chorus verse chorus, because that's actually quite boring. Basically, I think it would be good to break it up into sections, and show which sections repeat. Maybe even add in more of a bridge, where the song changed a bit, I think that would be really cool.
All in all, although slightly cliche this was really cute to read. Happy Christmas in July!
-Arc, your Secret Santa
Thanks for the review
This was cute and quite romantic
thanks
Hi, umamima! I'm Jash, and I'm (also) a songwriter.
The only nitpick I have for you is:
I think you meant "thing".
I wonder, does this already have a melody to go with it? I find it hard to review a song without melody yet, but it's not impossible. I was asking you if it already has a melody because I for one, would have a hard time writing a melody/arranging it. If it already has a melody, good; but if it doesn't, I suggest to "polish" the rhythm. I usually don't do this for my songs because I always write a melody with it; but try reading it out loud, does it sound nice?
Okay, my head tells me it's a musical or a pop song. Maybe because of the choice of words, and because it's a duet... but it can be any genre, really. Haha.
That's all I've got.
Blessed day!
JASH
it already has a melody , I always sing and write my songs that's why they turn out this way...thanks for the review and glad you liked it
Great!
i mean it was awesome but obviously not the best songs i've read
I love it, and not because it was about me and E-C or whatever you call him...but i tried singing it and it was not bad....
(or sung) yet....
the chorus was really lovely...and i really really like it!
Keep writing (as if you'll stop untill you kill all the people alive by singing these types of things)!!!
Thanks!
and obviously, Asma....
lol now that was a review...wait till I send this song to E-C and say how much you LLLLLOve him lol...3:)
yeah sure go ahead!!! at least 'someone' can do that...because i cant. So let him know it na...
as you wish...the next time I visit you I will make sure to ring the bell on the 2nd floor
by the way it was not for EC and you lol
hey I am firefighter and I am new here and I would love to be your reviewer...first of all I loved your song like anything...I love singing and when I sang this song I really enjoyed and guess what my best friend was here too so I enjoyed more and it was really fun, (she loves singing too)...we were just checking out stuff on net when she told me about the site and I entered and your's was first in the green room and the title was attractive so i thought why not check it out and we had fun...well I am not much experienced in writing songs in fact writing anything but I do know a lot about it because that's what I do the whole day so I must say this that it was really superb so keep it up gal
and keep writing i would love to view more of your Items
Hope we can become great friends...
hey firefighter,
glad to know you and your friend enjoyed this and looking forward to be your friend too...