Sat beneath a timid tree,
Her branches tremble so.
The wind bids to sooth me,
with gentle winds that blow.
Heart shrunk up with fear,
I don't know why I'm out.
I've been an hour here,
Resisting the urge to shout.
Full of ghastly creatures,
these spirits and ghouls.
With mashed up features,
are breaking all the rules.
They should be in asleep,
resting in their earthy bed.
Spirits and phantom's weep,
A horseman searching for his head.
I know it's in my mind,
I know it;s in my head.
But I can't seem to find,
a cure for all this dread.
At once my shivers stop,
the cavalry has arrived.
Masquerades bought from the shop,
The sugar's brought them alive.
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140,862 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
This poem was really good. I liked the last line a lot. The first line didn't have a "wow" factor for me and I think it's important for a poem to start off with a "wow" factor. The poem was really creative and it has great potential. Some of the lines didn't go together as well as the others , but overall it was really good and I enjoyed reading it!! Thanks for sharing your poetry with me!
-Haley
This is just wonderful. I love everything about it.
There's lots of great images and I feel your fear when I read it! But that might be because I'm a tad bit afraid of Halloween too, haha. This is great.
I liked it it was very creative, much better than any of my poems. I don't really agree with Galerius but I guess we all have are own oppinions. I do kind of agree that the ending should have been a little better though.
clearly you havent picked up anything the reviews of your previous poem...
i was gaining some hope after your decent first stanza, which i actually thought served the poem well except for its amateur descriptions ("timid tree", "blowing wind")...but no longer. you second stanza is a complete and displeasing departure from the tone of what came before it with absolutely no mention of why and how the change. also, it is typically juvenile; can you please come up with imagery better than a "shrunken heart"? and the last two lines are devoid of ANY imagery whatsoever.
either delete the first stanza or delete the rest of the poem.
this sounds like something a 10-year-old would write, not much offense intended. ghastly...spirits...mashed up...consult some poems that are rich with metaphor, imagery, or diction and come back to fix these four lines.
what do you mean "be in asleep"? do you mean "be asleep"?
headless horseman tribute, okay. i won't take points away because of it but you haven't really tried to make it analogous or subtle at all, which is rather disappointing.
i felt nothing in this stanza, which is a red flag. it was just...lamenting about how you are scared. that's it. no devices, no further meaning.
so basically this is an extension of the second-to-last stanza, right? it wraps up the whole theme of the poem too nicely, as sickly sweet as the sugar you claim is a reward for your courage. basically, you go on and on and on and on and on about your fright of the night and then BAM! it ends. silence.
the ending has to tie up the poem a little better than "well, I put on a mask and I feel better. Bye!". otherwise, your entire poem sinks right then and there.