Young Writers Society

Another masterpiece by kris!

Really funny. I'm especially in love with that ending!

No crit here, just a star...

Ironic yes Kak(shit) NO!

Someday I’ll stop,

And save us the pain.

Myself the humiliation,

And your soul the drain.

I enjoyed the Pun you So obviously conveyed here


Lol it was funny to Read YOU weren't being serious right?
Nah Didn't think so

kris wrote:I hate my poems,
They’re pretty shit.
So harsh to read-
As skin is to grit.{Im sorry, but somehow, this line irks me}

My work is horrid,{Your work is fabulous! but your syllables in each line need some retouching}
Alas it really is.
It grates against me,
Simply writing this {Ugh.. This line seems too forced..Try to replace it with something else}

I’d buy some skills,
If only I could.
If only a store sold it{Too many syllables!!!}
IKEA or Argos should.

I’ll not make my peace
With this utter tripe.
Reading it’s like eating
An apple that’s too ripe.{Loved this line!}

Someday I’ll stop,
And save us the pain. <--- I loved this stanza!!
Myself the humiliation,
And your soul the drain.

Fini…
See! What a terrible ending.

Nice poem, dude =). Come on, just reading this tells me your writing is pretty good!

I've read some of your other stuff before, and it's not as bad as this. I'm pretty sure you were dumbing yourself down while writing this poem to make your point sounds plausible.

And what's Argos?

You are a genius! Aw and I hope these aren't true feelings because you're an amazing poet. Well this was very relate-able and the rhythm was just how I like it to be. Free and flowing. I loved the ending the most it was perfect for this type of poem.

Thanks for the read,
~Angel

Excellent poem with a very clear message and quite funny too. (at least i thought it was funny as you were obviously being ironic when you were calling your poetry bad).

Only things I'd say you could do to improve it would be to give it a more structured rhythm. You have a really nice structure in a lot of the lines by having only 4 syllables in the line and if you continued that the whole way through it might improve the rhythm.
For instance in the last line of the first stanza, there's one too many syllables i think so if you said grit against skin or like grit to skin or something like that it might fit in a little better.

Rhyming pattern is really good, i especially like the way it changes in the last stanza to show that this is your basic idea. Or at least that's what i thought you used it to do.

Anyway, as i said an excellent poem with a clear style. Hope you write some more.
All the best,
Holly