You are the Sun -
That lights my day,
and all the warmth it brings.
My celestial body.
You are the breeze -
stroking the canopy,
and all the cooling it brings.
My lift and fall.
You are my inner thoughts -
the speakings of my soul,
and guide me in all things.
My very being.
You are with,
and without.
You are my Father,
and my mother.
You are the ship -
that sours upon your waves,
and all the crew there in.
You are jagged rocks.
You are all the universe -
the exceptional spectacle,
and the cold emptiness.
The dichotomy of reality.
You are nowhere to be found -
yet always to hand,
and never able to lend one.
Aloof....
You are my euphoric feelings -
that ignite my essence,
and my dysphoric mood swings.
My gamut of emotions.
You are everything I am -
all that surrounds me,
and everything I am.
My God.
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Hm, this is gonan be through the eyes of a teenager still struggling with what and who to believe, okay? So if I say I dont understand something, it may just be me being extremely dense.
First thing I ever look at in a poem is this structre; I don't know why, it just always draws me to it, straight away. I liked how you set it out, in the short stanza's although I'm not a big fan of those that continue for eight or nine. Perhaps cutting down the poem would do it some justice, but this is meerly just a suggestion rather that a tip for improving.
"You are the ship - that sours upon your waves," These lines, I think you made a typo. Although sours/[i] would work, I think you should try something along the line of [i]soars although that is used pretty often. Tricky...
You used words that were unfathomable to me and just made the wohle stanza they were in disolve in my brain because I couldn't understand it. This is my own desity, but perhaps tone it down a little? You worked well with your flowand rhythm and they remained pretty consistant all the way through, so good job.
Happy writing!
One word I can say, beautiful.
Are you a Christian? If you are all I can say to you is,
God bless you.
~Casey