***Hey everyone - first of all, you know that I have never written a haiku before ( Or submitted one atleast), so this is kind of an adventure for me... So I've read up on the art form and stuck with a pretty traditional topic for now - Hope you like it. ***
Sweetest blossoms drift.
Sakura weep; taking flight.
Sorrow pours for spring.
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140,846 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I am no expert
but the first and second lines
are identical
***
I love Basho, but I regret to say that he is as far as my knowledge regarding haikus goes. But what I love about his work is that it seems to say something through osmosis, that there is little input from the poet- he merely relates what occurs, but in a fantastic way.
My house has burned down
Now I can better see
the rising moon
That's my favorite. It seems astounding to me how so much could be contained in such a simple statement. I mean, to pack such a profound statement in so little is remarkable. I guess, this is what I find absent in your poem. Not so say that you ought to write like Basho, or his contemporaries. But I dunno. Your poem sounds nice but it doesn't contain that extra spark. Why are we weeping for spring? Perhaps we're wondering why cherry blossoms fall during this time? I just wish it hit at the point more directly, your poem feels like it's skimming the surface.
it's good. But I really don't know what the back ground is. so maybe tell us what gave you the inspiration for this poem. It's just a suggestion. Hope it helps.