They Gym.

Great imagery. I can really relate to what your trying to show. This is so true in many cases. The poem has a great layout and good rhythm, but you have some words that don't really rhyme or are force rhymed. I also think that you could put a couple of punctuation marks to show exactly how to read the poem. I was just reading it each stanza a sentence. However it was good. Short, but to the point. Good job in getting everything across without dragging on the poem. Actually quite the opposite.

kris wrote:Leaking exhausted beads of sweat
Metal clanking with set after set

The air-con sits idle and broken
Red-faced giants grunt as if chockin'(doesn't rhyme)

Dance music played for motivation
Straining with weights at their station(forced rhyme)

Young girls on the treadmill pant and moan
Lads at the free weights get in the "zone"

Forty-something’s sit on equipment
Still fat(put a comma after fat) for they lack the commitment

In the changing room where steam soars high
Weirdoes(remove the E) endeavour to stare at your "guy"

To me this is our gyming-obsessed culture
Vain and obsessed with bodies; like vultures

Well hope this helps. Keep writing.

Hey Kris! Long time no talk. Apologies indeed.

Ohh this is juicy. Is it meant to be called 'They' Gym? Did you mean The Gym or am I totally off the beaten track?

Regardless, to the poem. I really believed that the speaker had experienced this. It was very visual and perceptive, and made me really believe that they had gone home afterwards and mulled it all over. Very nicely done.

Let's see...what lines were my favourites. It had to be firstly:

The air-con sits idle and broken

Red-faced giants grunt as if chockin'

And definitely this one:

Lads at the free weights get in the "zone"

Sometimes I sort of saw the rhymes coming, but they mostly took me by surprise. A word of caution must always be given to those who champion the rhyme, for it limits the poet terribly in some respects. However on this subject, the rhythm was fantastically fitting. I like the way you took a stand at the end, although I must confess, I absolutely adore the gym and I wouldn't call myself vain or obsessed. But each to their own! I understand where your coming from.

Love,

Eimear