My art for your heart.

by kris

Published August 24, 2008

In Poetry

I shall write you in verse,
but my words will be plain.
For I can find no lexis -
arcane or cliché.
No phrase can I find,
to take your breath away.

You are too fine for paint.
No pigment can I find,
to represent your wonder.
Your shades and hues,
and who would model?
I have only one muse.

Is there an instrument,
with sounds to justify
performing a symphony.
Tempo most smooth,
pleasant melody -
For it, your heart to move?

So now I concede,
there be no art -form.
To capture your love:
the one thing I need.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
thething912
Review
thething912 wrote a review Review · Aug 29, 2008

Hi Kris-san! I liked how you showed us how important this person is to you and how art cannot capture the true wonder of this person. The only thing though, is that it seem like you tried to rhyme but some of the poem's lines didn't rhyme with the others so, I think you should try to stick with ryming or free verse and not try to convine the two and then, I think it would sound better. Although, I thought it was good already.

User avatar
Matt Bellamy
Review
Matt Bellamy wrote a review Review · Aug 29, 2008

Yeah, this made me go "awwwww". I liked how you addressed music, writing and art to make your point. Only one thing: "there be no art -form" didn't sound quite right to me, I think "there is..." would sound better. Apart from that, your poem moved me, which I'm sure is what it meant to do, and so it has succeeded perfectly. Well done. :)

User avatar
StarDuster
Review
StarDuster wrote a review Review · Aug 28, 2008

This was very good, but I found these lines so close together seemed a little repetitive:

No phrase can I find; No pigment can I find
.
If you could use a different word for "find" I think this would be awesome. I loved how you described it and liked the use of all the different art you suggested at.

User avatar
GAM
Comment
GAM commented Comment · Aug 25, 2008

This is very good,keep it up.
An almost perfect use of the different forms of art.
I could not have expected better.



I'm tired of books having villains who are just villains for no reason.
— EllieMae