z

Young Writers Society



A poem from a Sea-turtle.

by kris


I plunged into the current,
to see what I could find.
Swam amongst the fishies,
and left the shore behind.
Embracing the Azure,
moving with the tide.

And here I found a turtle,
his shell marked with his grind.
The surf above him rolled,
flipped him on his side.
His ancient limbs struggle,
against the roaring tide.

I swam up right beside him,
and looked him in the eye.
His lids began to jitter,
and expression almost Ry.
Then his beak motioned,
with this he said to I.

"Come with me to lands unknown;
with seas of different shades.
When the sun breaks through it glistens,
with jewels of many grades.
Let's explore the ocean of our soul,
let's see how your body's made."

His message did betwixt me,
with ends I need to tie.
The turtle - hurtled off,
keep up; I couldn't try.
His poem with me will stay,
Until the day I die.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
189 Reviews


Points: 1040
Reviews: 189

Donate
Sat Dec 06, 2008 4:19 am
Jon wrote a review...



Let's explore the ocean of our soul,


I think it would sound better, and help with the flow if it was, "Let's explore the ocean's soul."


I really liked this, it was really nice to read and it had an enjoyability that i don't find often.

Good work.


---Jon---
:D




User avatar
51 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 51

Donate
Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:26 am
J.C. Belding says...



This has some real charm to it. Great story telling!




User avatar
135 Reviews


Points: 248
Reviews: 135

Donate
Tue Nov 25, 2008 12:40 am
lakegirls says...



Hi,
I liked it. It was cute. My friend will die when she sees this. She is obsessed with turtles. :)

Love,
N




User avatar
112 Reviews


Points: 1172
Reviews: 112

Donate
Mon Nov 24, 2008 11:03 pm
kris says...



Ty :D

Anyone else willing to offer some opinion on my poem?
x




User avatar
106 Reviews


Points: 1999
Reviews: 106

Donate
Fri Nov 21, 2008 6:02 pm
Princess wrote a review...



Hey kris! This is another one of your greatest poems! I really enjoyed this one.

Flipped him on his side.

The "F" should be lowercase

The his beak motioned,


I suppose you meant instead of 'The' you meant 'Then' you must fix that. Also, this line is a syllable shorter than the rest. You must fix that also.

Until the day I day.[/quote
I'm guessing that you meant "Until the day I die" Fix that too.

Other then those little mistakes, i thought this poem was ingenious!
Come with me to lands unknown;
with seas of different shades.
When the sun breaks through it glistens,
with jewels of many grades.
Let's explore the ocean of our soul,
let's see how your body's made."


I loved this stanza! It was absolutely beautiful.




User avatar
112 Reviews


Points: 1172
Reviews: 112

Donate
Thu Nov 20, 2008 8:42 pm
kris says...



Hey... Can anyody help? :/





Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
— George Santayana