Author's Notes: 1,105 words.
"Keep yourself calm. You're only tiring yourself out by running that much."
Alarick, wooden sword raised, stood opposite Jonathan, who sighed and wiped the sweat from his brow. Jonathan's eyes narrowed. He dashed towards Alarick, thrusting his sword at the last second.
Deflecting the blow, Alarick kicked back Jonathan as the latter collided into him. Jonathan flew back, landing on the ground and rolling. "You're predictable!" Alarick shouted in frustration as Jonathan, clutching his chest with one hand, tried to pull himself up with the other. "You can't win with only one strategy!"
Wrath in his eyes, Jonathan hauled himself onto his feet, clutching the sword even tighter. He sprinted at Alarick again, raising his weapon. Alarick attempted to counter, but Jonathan turned sharply to the right, causing Alarick to nearly throw himself forward. It was only Alarick's quick readjustment that kept him from falling over, whereupon he happily shoved into Jonathan, who had been attempting a strike.
Caught by an elbow to the chest, Jonathan staggered back, clutching desperately for air. Gritting his teeth, he flung his sword at Alarick. "That never works," Alarick chided, swatting the sword out of the air with his own, as though Jonathan's were a toy. "If you want to learn how to fight up close, you need to stop thinking like an archer.”
"Worked for me so far," Jonathan replied, coughing. He made to run over and pick up his sword, but Alarick kicked it aside.
"Versatility is handy," Alarick said, scowling in response to Jonathan's glare. Alarick pointed his sword at Jonathan's chest. "5-0."
Jonathan threw up his arms. "You win. So be it. I'm done." He tried to walk off, but Alarick grabbed him by the back of his shirt.
"You need to learn," Alarick said, ignoring Jonathan's thrashing as he reached for a book on a table. Whirling Jonathan around, Alarick pushed it into his chest. "A strong body is nothing without a strong mind. And, though you haven't broken much of a sweat, perhaps you're better off focusing on the pen than the sword."
Grabbing the book, Jonathan again tried to walk away. "Don't disobey me," Alarick boomed, pushing Jonathan onto the ground and flipping open the book. "Read."
Jonathan complied, scanning through the pages. Each was on the military, whether in tacticians, battles, or key strategies. "How did they train you?" he asked bitterly, after some time.
Alarick laughed. "It was worse," he said. "I went to the best academy they had, and they wanted to break every bone in my body to see how I could handle it. It wasn't allowed, but they came close. Literally or otherwise." In the candlelight, he looked eerie and distant, watching the horizon where the sun had set an hour or two ago.
"Any regrets?" Jonathan said, scrunching his face as he tried to comprehend the tiny writing.
"It wasn't my choice," replied Alarick, now watching the stars. "They forced me into it."
"And this is...?" said Jonathan, pointing to himself.
"What is necessary," barked Alarick. Their gazes warred with each other. "And you had better not forget that."
"You're not dead yet," Jonathan said, somewhat happy (though he dared not show it) to have a distraction from reading. He'd been taught over the past couple of years - mostly due to Terasu and Rowland's mutual dismay that he hadn't learned in the mudpit that had been his home - but still struggled with the longer words.
"I'm old," Alarick said scornfully. "And my line of work keeps death at my heels."
Jonathan hated Alarick's pessimism; it never proved inspirational, nor did it make him look like a leader. Then again, at least Alarick stayed true to himself. "I won't lead."
Spotting something out of the corner of his eye, Jonathan snapped the book shut and rolled before Alarick could hit him over the head with a wooden sword. "I never did," Alarick said menacingly, kicking the other sword to Jonathan, who stood up and picked it off from the ground. "I've only been an anchor, and that's worked fine."
Jonathan sprinted forward, waving his sword in an arc over his head. He switched his trajectory from Alarick's head to his shoulder at the last second, but Alarick still stepped aside and blocked the blow, sending Jonathan careening off to the side. "1-0," Alarick said, as Jonathan whirled around. "Be unpredictable if you want to disarm me."
"This isn't a fair fight," Jonathan said, voice deepening. He began to run in a tight circle around Alarick, looking for a chance to strike.
"2-0," Alarick monotoned, striking Jonathan in the shin with his foot. Staggering, Jonathan stopped and moved away. "Fighting isn't fair."
"You can't stand there like a rock," Jonathan said, going in for another attack and feinting towards Alarick's midsection. Alarick swung out his sword; Jonathan dodged it at the last second, aiming for Alarick's extended arm.
Alarick laughed as he pushed himself forward, crashing into Jonathan. "I've always been an anchor," he said, watching Jonathan's sword fly off. "3-0."
Jonathan dashed after his sword, realizing that heavy footsteps followed him. "Coward," said Jonathan. He snatched up his sword in one graceful movement, but was wholly unsurprised to feel the blunt point of a sword against his back.
"4-0," Alarick said. "I've been taunted far too many times."
"Ever by Rowland?!" Jonathan shouted, swinging around to aim for Alarick's forehead. Caught off guard, the stunned Alarick had only the reaction time to step back, not fast enough to pull his sword towards his face. Jonathan's sword clipped the edge of his nose. "4-1." Breathing in deeply, Jonathan slouched, feeling a pit in his stomach.
In the light of the candles, Alarick looked pale and somber. "I had expected more from you."
Sitting down, Jonathan sighed and stared at the ground. "You said fighting isn't fair," he said half-heartedly, setting the sword beside him. Rowland's cheery visage and red hair played out in his mind, repeating itself in the setting of hills, plains, mountains, and rivers. Always a happy idiot.
"He was like a son to me," Alarick whispered, looming over Jonathan. "Almost as much as my children. I am not a caring man, but I tried to be, for him. If you refuse to respect that, I don't see why I bother with you." He picked up Jonathan's sword.
Jonathan didn't respond as Alarick poked his chest. "5-1. We're done." Alarick threw the sword aside and walked away.
"I won't play your game," Jonathan mumbled, when he was certain Alarick was gone. "He was my friend. I can't follow his spirit. Especially not for you."
End of chapter
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137,663 Literary Works • 672,057 Reviews
Hello hello!! I’m here to bring this out of the green room for you! I apologize because I haven’t read the previous installments (and I’m on mobile so I hope I don’t have any glaring typos...)
Obviously there’s a lot I’m missing here because I haven’t read the previous installments but what I’m gathering is that Jonathan is an apprentice for some kind of fighting thing and Alarick is his mentor. Rowland used to be the mentee and then something went down with him and Alarick which Jonathan is trying to exploit/learn more about. I’m definitely intrigued to learn more (even if I’m way off on what’s going on :p) which is cool because I’m coming in blind in the middle of a scene in the middle of the story.
I thought you did a really nice job balancing the description with the action. I had no difficulty following what was going on. My one complaint with the description is that I’m not super clear where we are, so more description of the setting might be nice. But, for all I know you’ve already set that up in a previous segment of the chapter. If you have, it might be nice to include a few more little details sprinkled in this segment.
I became a little lost with what they were talking about when Jonathan said “you’re not dead yet”. I didn’t understand where that came from or what the context of that was because it felt different than what they had been talking about. I was also a little confused about why they started fighting again so soon after Jonathan started reading because it didn’t feel like he had been studying that long before he was forced to go again. Did he have time to really learn anything?
Overall, I think your writing is solid and I thought this was an intriguing chapter segment. Let me know if you have any questions or if you’d like feedback about something I didn’t mention! And good luck with your story!
Yay, thanks! That's a fairly accurate description, except Jonathan knows what happened with Rowland, and he's mostly using that to needle Alarick. But uh, that would require knowing about previous chapters, so it's all good. XD
Pffff I always either have too little or too much setting. I'll keep that in mind! As for the "you're not dead yet" comment, it makes sense in terms of Alarick's awareness of his mortality, which is why he's training a successor. Buuut I might make that more obvious when I edit, since I dunno if there's enough context. Lastly, if the training seems arbitrary and kind of stupid, that's actually the point. Alarick's doing what he thinks he needs to do, but he's overdoing it. And it's not working out well for either him or Jonathan.
Yep, thanks for the review!
Hello, TheSilverFox! I hope my review can do your work justice.
I never disliked Jonathon, but I think this chapter is the one that made me finally fall in love with him as a character. It adds more depth to his character than I think any of the previous chapters have, although I've been reading this over a long period of time so I'm not sure how good my memory of the rest of the novel is. Like I mentioned in a review for a previous chapter, one of the best things about reading the sections focusing on Eremia's group (Team A, right?) is them trying to deal with Rowland's death. It never hit me until this chapter how close Jonathon must have been with him - everyone knew Rowland, but it never really clicked that they would likely all be pretty close with him.
It seems like Jonathon's reluctance with the situation he's currently in isn't that he doesn't want to lead - he doesn't want to replace Rowland. I'm not sure what the timeline of the novel is, but it can't have been that long since his death. You don't want to replace the person you're grieving. You want to honor them. But I think something that Alarick touched on is why Jonathon - or someone - needs to fill Rowland's shoes: they're fighters. The nature of what they do demands that they have someone ready to fill Alarick's shoes if he dies, and I think you did a wonderful job when Alarick was trying to convey that to Jonathon.
I really enjoyed reading your work. While there may have been a few rough spots, it's overall a wonderful piece of writing. If you feel like some parts of my review need further explanation or just aren't good enough, please let me know. I'd gladly clear up anything about this review.
Keep up the great work (which I doubt you'll have trouble with) and good luck on your writing endeavors!
Haha yep, see my hot potato comment from earlier. I dunno what The Doves were like before Eremia showed up, but you could always envision them as sort of a large family. The older characters (Alarick, Ceinen, Latton, Madeleine) were like the adults, and the younger characters (Rowland, Jonathan, Terasu) were like the children. Rowland was extremely close to both Jonathan and Terasu, so his death hits both of them hard. Replacing Rowland, combined with Jonathan's lack of willingness to lead and Alarick's strict regimen, is just one of many conflicts showing up. It doesn't help that, though Alarick is probably right in needing a successor, he doesn't have a great way of going about it (he was never much of a people person). In conclusion, I'm happy you liked everything - thanks for the review!