z

Young Writers Society


12+

Chapter 13.2

by TheSilverFox


Author's Notes: 1,423 words.

“Father!”

The Mad King stopped, breathed dramatically, and adopted his haughtiest pose as his son, dressed in a tight outfit and armed with a bow, raised a hand and ran towards him. “I should hope your old clothes fit fine,” remarked Catharnach, “as you may be wearing them for some time.”

“I did not expect him to be so brazen or strong,” said Ailean, raising himself up to his father’s height with ease. “He is far more capable than you, father, though you are both similar in age.”

Catharnach waved dismissively and scowled. “I do not want to be reminded of my mortality,” he said swiftly. “I would like to know why my son could be beaten by an old man and saved by a little girl. I raised my son to be smarter and swifter than that. When you lead the charge of your compatriots into the heart of Wyandanch, you had best hope it makes up for the damage you have committed against my throne.”

Caught off guard, Ailean took a step back and resisted the urge to stutter. “Father, I did not know of this arrangement, I had assumed…did Leathan arrange this?”

Catharnach turned and began to walk, Ailean automatically following him as they perused the rows of tents flying their country’s flag. Soldiers in the vicinity fell upon one knee and bowed in reverence, and the procession behind them marched solemnly. Ailean could care less about such reverence, as he did not want to pit his pride against his father’s, but hated the smug smile that the Mad King wore. “You may call him your father, and I your King,” Catharnach said simply.

“Fa—my King, I dare not be indolent, but I should like to be informed of when our battle strategy has changed. I do not think my father has my interests in mind.”

A confused soldier sounded on a trumpet when he saw his royals, but was smacked upon the head. The music died about when Catharnach wheeled around, hands twitching; the prince, used to his father’s attempts to intimidate, was not at all affected. “He is an attentive and gracious man, with the success of our country at the forefront of his mind. You would be well to be like him, as I can only count upon you to ride gloriously into battle. When not covered with…excrement, that is.”

“As you will it. Can I trust you to remain faithful?”

Ailean saw his father’s face contort strangely. Saying nothing, the Mad King quickened his pace, nearly causing Ailean to be engulfed by the oncoming wave of attendants. Eyebrow raised, Ailean easily caught up to his father, who turned in another direction. “Is that how he convinced you, my King?”

“What he and I do is none of your concern, you pestering child, as much as you like to think it is.” Catharnach leaped over an arrangement of boxes, followed shortly thereafter by his son. Frustrated guards and servants worked their way around the obstacle, some colliding with one of the tents. Ailean was admittedly impressed at his father’s agility, considering Catharnach never walked around much and was easily winded. Of course, he could hear Catharnach’s breathing turn raspy ahead of him.

“Only as long as you remain faithful to her, I have no troubles with what you are doing,” retorted Ailean. Cathanarch shouted something incoherent towards a guard and pointed the latter at Ailean. The soldier, dressed in a full suit of armor, tried to stand in front of Ailean, trembling. They breathed a sigh of relief as Ailean slipped right around him, the former jumping back into a tent as the gradually diminishing gathering followed.

The Mad King disappeared among the multitudes of tents and soldiers. Ailean looked about him with an expression of fury, balling his fists. For a few seconds, he could only hear the sounds of marching soldiers and conversation. “Do you not have an army to command, you prat?” said the tent next to him. The concerned faces of the people around Ailean filled him with a greater anger, and Ailean reached inside the tent and yanked out the pole from within, showing his father crouching behind the canvas.

All at once, Catharnach, staring at the assembled faces, rose to his full height. Chest trembling, he nevertheless managed to look ferocious in his stout stance and piercing stare, enough to leave those around Ailean taking a few steps back. Ailean shot a look back in response, holding his chin up high. “Your mother is dead,” said Catharnach after a long pause. “I do not need be reminded.

Silence dominated the scene. Ailean watched Catharnach slouch once again; the Mad King knees shaking as he coughed and gasped for breath. Whatever depression rose in Ailean – and it was strong enough that he could not stare at his father’s face, lest he be further reminded of his grief – was not nearly as strong as the Mad King’s was. Indeed, Ailean’s mother had died when he was born, but he knew the way that Catharnach had always doted upon her, what he had done for her sake. His father’s love would always be stronger, but Ailean had always envisioned her as kind, devoted, faithful, and charming. That Catharnach could not live up to such standards still infuriated Ailean, as much as he loved his father, and so Ailean responded. “But I believe him to be using you. It shames her that you should so readily abandon our Queen for the first person to so much as wink in your direction.”

“And do you think I would be happy pulling her up from her grave and seeing a skeleton by my bedside every morning?” said Catharnach, spitting as he spoke, voice jumping erratically as he interspersed random pauses into his statements. “Would you? I called you here because I wanted to know if you would approve of my killing a man, not to be chastised for attempting to bring back warmth into my life. You may throw your winter upon someone else.”

Befuddled, Ailean saw the men and women around him surrounded the Mad King, saying nothing and carrying with them expressions that seemed to be staring down at him. He bowed his head in defeat. “I am sorry, my King. I acted imprudently. I had overstepped my boundaries. Who is it that you should like permission from me to kill?”

“Our troublesome general, Belisarius,” came a scratchy voice from within the small circle of people. “Your father and I fear that he may choose to disclose that I have no plans of taking the city to our…allies.”

Ailean sat cross-legged on the ground. “Putting a man in a position where they could easily die would certainly not give them much respect for their throne,” he said, after a minute of contemplation. “That man is too uninterested in our efforts to coax him into brazenness by land or by wealth. He has always been a threat to us, and I can only say it would be simplest to kill him. The matter is how to have him replaced.”

“Nobody need know that he has been replaced. It could be simple enough to say that he has fallen suddenly ill, and send one of his more easily-coaxed soldiers to take his place in any further meetings.” His voice was now smoother, though it still broke at times.

“My King,” said Ailean, raising his hand. “That would only make them more suspicious. Perhaps it would be best to recruit one of our spies to look and act as he does, so that it does not look like we are quelling dissenting opinions. We might even surround him with guards, just to demonstrate that his concerns are being taken seriously.”

Catharnach responded quickly. “Too much effort. They will be concerned no matter what I do, because they already understand how much I value their lives. As long as I command the largest single army, I can force them into compliance. As for now, though, it would not surprise me if they are trying to talk to him, coax him into revealing my strategy. Even if, by some strange chance, they already know, he could easily be recruited into conspiring against me, taking his soldiers with him. I cannot lose my advantage; he must be killed. Deeply as you have wounded me, my son, I believe I will do it myself. Send out the call for a meeting, and I will let him know how I despise cowards.”


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Fri Mar 23, 2018 4:57 am
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Lightsong wrote a review...



Hey, I'm here to review! :D

“You may call him your father, and I your King,” Catharnach said simply.


Wait whut? I thought Catharnach/Mad King is Ailean's father? Or is it Leathan? I'm so confused. Maybe it's just me - it's been a while since I read this novel.

Ooh, what is this talk about being faithful, about what Leathan has talked about with Catharnach, and being faithful to her (who is a complete mystery). I think readers at this point have to read the previous chapters to understand what's going on, but I like how layered the dialogues are here. They don't remain in one solid plot and instead branch out to other things.

All at once, Catharnach, staring at the assembled faces, rose to his full height. Chest trembling, he nevertheless managed to look ferocious in his stout stance and piercing stare, enough to leave those around Ailean taking a few steps back. Ailean shot a look back in response, holding his chin up high. “Your mother is dead,” said Catharnach after a long pause. “I do not need be reminded."


Ooh, oooh, oooh. Love, love, love this paragraph. It shows the more dangerous side of the Mad King and tells me her is Ailean's mother who is dead, which questions how he is going to stay faithful to her. It seems naive for Ailean's part, and perhaps there's more to the story than what is being told. What makes Ailean determined to remind him he needs to be faithful? What makes both Leathan and Catharnach his fathers? Hmm...

I think I've fallen in love with the Mad King's character. He's such a deliciously complex, vulnerable character that I can't help but to see more of him. His switch between his harmless persona with a more dangerous one is so refreshing to see, and I wish I can learn more of him. The story of his dead wife also gives him another layer, and complement with how Ailean wants him to live up to her. All in all, his confrontation with Ailean is so intense and excellently execute. I love me some drama. xD

His voice was now smoother, though it still broke at times.


Following the previous dialogue, I assume this is Ailean, though logically it should be the Mad King's. Do specify sometimes who's speaking.

Urggh, Catharnach's words at the end are just chilling. I agree Ailean's plan seems to be more efficient, but Catharnach is showing power, showing authority, and I really like that. He's like Lada in the Conqueror's Saga (highly recommended) in the sense that he prefers straightforward plan that might be questionable but actually not. He's preferring the safer yet more violent option, and it shows how he lives up to his title as the Mad King. Definitely a flawed one, but wonderfully so. I'm excited to see what happens to him next.

Overall, this is a solid chapter. The scenes are written in such a archaic, royally manner, that I'm immersed with the atmosphere. Keep up the good job! :D




TheSilverFox says...


Thanks! The dynamic between Ailean, Catharnach, and Leathan has always been one of my favorites, and I think I started really looking into it here. I definitely need to focus on clarity when I edit, but the gist of it is that Catharnach married his wife, she gave birth to Ailean, and then she died. Catharnach married Leathan afterwards, which is why Ailean has two fathers. Ailean and Leathan resent each other, and Ailean's desire for Catharnach to be "faithful" is just, uh, not wanting Catharnach to sleep with Leathan, so to speak. It's a bit complicated. XD

Yeah, Catharnach is a lot of fun to write. He's emotional, has a screwed-up backstory, and is one of the more interesting antagonists. You're definitely right about his strategies - he prefers the blunter ones. Whether his are more effective than Ailean's is spoilery, but it's clear Catharnach is out for blood. And that can never go well. XD

All in all, I'm happy you like the mood, dialogue, and plot - thanks for the review!



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Sun Feb 11, 2018 5:01 pm
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Mageheart wrote a review...



Hello, TheSilverFox! I hope my review can do your work justice.

Grammar and Syntax

I didn't have any problems with this section, so I'll move onto the other to.

Characters

I'm starting to notice a trend of your characters not having good family lives. Ailean and Catharnach's relationship is definitely strained, and it follows in the footsteps of similar relationships with the other teams and their family life. The abundance of tragic pasts and difficult present situations does fit the mature mood of the story, so I don't have a problem with it. I can see some interesting conversations in the future if the characters met and decided to open up to each other.

Plot

R.I.P Belisarius! I feel like this chapter's purpose was to set up future, more important plot points. It did demonstrate Ailean and his dad's relationship, and it did touch upon some of the events going on in the story. But, overall, it was just discussions. There wasn't any action. It does fit what you've written so far, but it would be cool to see some more fights. The last chapters have mainly been dialogue about what the teams should do about their individual situations.

I really enjoyed reading your work. While there may have been a few rough spots, it's overall a wonderful piece of writing. If you feel like some parts of my review need further explanation or just aren't good enough, please let me know. I'd gladly clear up anything about this review.

Keep up the great work (which I doubt you'll have trouble with) and good luck on your writing endeavors!




TheSilverFox says...


Haha yeah, this is definitely one of the less action-heavy parts. Sorry about that! If I remember correctly, the action does build over time - it takes a while before there's any huge fight, but there'll be lots of smaller conflicts or practice fights. In the meantime, it's just your ordinary murder plots. :P

The important thing is Catharnach, ruthless as he is, treats his son better than most people, so that's a decent sign that their relationship isn't completely screwed up. There still aren't a lot of happy people in this story, though. XD

All in all, I'm happy you like the chapter - thanks for the review!




"I'd be a quote vigilante. A literary Batman. Someone had better be quoting me now!"
— Feltrix