Aw, girl, I am genuinely sorry if I
Made you feel like I'm dunking
On your way of approaching
Things in your own way.
Trust me -- I can see the change in structure,
I can smell the sad frown and discontent wrinkles
Blinking with you, disheartened by the apparent
Lack of concern and sympathy for yourself.
Trust me, love, five years ago I put
A ring on your finger and you put
Yours on mine. And for five years before
That you were afraid to hold mine
Hands while walking on the road
Side by side -- but I chose to wait.
Trust me, I used to scream, "I wait, I wait, I wait,"
Till the date you'd skate up to me
And see that it doesn't fucking matter
What the world thinks of us as long as
We choose each other relentlessly.
Trust me, my love, I make fun of your cute
Words and thoughts and ideas because
I cherish them. I cherish you. Even if
You're a thousand miles away from me
Now, no matter how cheeky it sounds --
Trust me -- You are mine, and I'm yours, for
Trust is not trust which falters when it alteration finds.
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140,083 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
Hey there, Rebel! This is Alex, reviewing yet another one of these poems from your fantastic series. Let's get on with it ~
Seems like I was indeed right this time around, from the italicised 'trust' in the poem, a pretty neat way to mark it out. This specific poem couplet a out trust was actually a lot more compelling than the other poems I've encountered in the narrative so far, in a way that makes them special and the dynamic richer. Lavender and Jasmine are these easy going lovers where one is more fixed in her voice and likes testing the other constantly, while the other takes the questions as a challenge she can graciously succeed in, having her deserved fun as she answers. I like how Jasmine never seems to be getting annoyed by this whatever, and instead shares lighthearted responses and most importantly, always knows what to say. I'd say I relate with Lavender more but Jasmine is definitely my favourite- I just love her optimistic attitude toward everything and a more effortless approach towards life. One would not expect to be as wise as she appears at first glance, given her bubbly atitude. But as she has managed to answer every riddle till now without so much as a slip up, I'd argue the truth is very much otherwise.
But in this couplet, there's a visible seriousness in both their tones. Lavender's tone was rigid and bland on the surface before, peeking curiousity through the matter more than the expression. On the other hand, Jasmine's voice was a lot more easy going and fun oriented. Now there's a weight and groundedness in what they speak. Life has been embedded in Lavender's poetry now, as we her emotions reflect in her frustrations for those who take their partner's trust for granted. Complimenting it well, Jasmine does a complete 180, moving to calm her partner by reminder of all their good days and how they'll never end up like one of those couples who betray another. Given their obvious compatibility and enormous love for each other, I very much believe that. In a way, putting them in this different situation has conveyed to the reader that there's more to both these characters than just their quirky personalities. Most times, they seem like polar opposites who shouldn't really get along as well as they do. But with this poem, they prove why they do- they really are good for one another. I do think Jasmine to be the more natural and better at this relationship of the two, but love can't be carried single handedly. This character expansion, I feel, was the right move for the plot progress. It expands the reader's horizon about the meaning of romance, and breaks the stereotypes that may have begin to form about our protagonists. Bravo!
Honestly, this to me felt a little awkward though. I don't think Jasmine has done anything to suggest forcing her own ways on Lavender in text. In fact, I'd argue very much the opposite as it is Lavendar that is always making her answer one riddle after other. We can see Jasmine isn't affected by it, she might even enjoy it, but there is still an unspoken rule to limit pestering someone. I'm also unsure of the meaning of dunking here, as there's no reference to any liquid whatsoever? Apologising anyways is nice for Jasmine, to make sure that Lavender didn't in any way resonated to them, but I believe she should also have known better her partner's intention of those words. Anyways, even though unclear or not too needed, the response is very much natural, at least!
So those all caps and spilling passion was deliberate, it's nice to know! It's like Jasmine really knows Lavender even if she doesn't say anything, and that is quite beautiful. The last line here is shattering, as she pinpoints the lack of Lavender's self love so accurately. Lavender really does need to loosen up a bit and be kinder to herself. Definitely another proof of Jasmine's great intellect and intuition!
The backstory and development is so endearing! It really adds the much needed depth to both the characters. It's clear now that they weren't as perfect as now from the get go, they had their fair share of difficulties but overcame them together. Again, love Jasmine a little more here as well. It's sweet how she's showing Lavender that they chose each other five years back, and continue to choose each other day every day from them- so their trust shall remain untarnished and she's got nothing to worry. Their history and much they've put of themselves to make this work is commendable and another comfort of future lasting course.
Aww, love it! It's crazy how much Jasmine really cares for the other, despite seeming nonchalant most of the time. And the two girls against the world is very prominent here, really brings out their all-conquering romance.
It's nice to see a direct justification here in text. Though it's been heavily suggested till now, but communication is always the key! Jasmine is explaining her ways to Lavender, making sure that her fun looking answers don't make Lavender feel belittled or ridiculed. I didn't really consider that possibility before, but the fact that Jasmine can put herself in Lavender's shoes so well is really inpressive. She really nails love!
A little dull compared to the body of the poem, but fitting nevertheless! Trust doesn't waver even when things change- such wise words indeed.
Spectacular work, stepping out of the usual way you've been handling this poetry series! Even the best fun witty things need an anchoring and grounded touch every once in a while to show the reader that the chemistry of the lead isn't really as hollow as it can appear at times. A quieter piecer, and I loved it for that! That's all I have for now, had a lovely time reading this. Until next time~
Love, Alex
This is too high of a praise, Alex, it almost makes me sound like I know what I am doing instead of just writing whatever my heart thinks makes sense and hope that it makes sense. Thanks a lot, once again 😭
Great poets have a skilled subconscious mind too, that can write better than the poet themselves, at times
Once again, thanks a lot for the high praise. It means a lot. 😭
Hey, from the title, I guess I was right =D
It says so much abt their relationship and also fits so well in the poem!Now I do wonder if reading poems with storylines while having a cold is a detriment since.... I didn't notice the change in structure Jasmine is talking abt @.@ Or is she talking abt picking up on Lavender getting somewhat sad?
I really like this sequence:
Love the final line too :3
I think this one is rly cute! (And also it feels like it reveals some hint of a plot!)
this sounds somewhat like a really catchy love song and i'm all for it. the romance is clear and its easy to get into the narrators head and understand that they do love the subject, and understand how they love them. so good!!
Thanks for the comments, this poem's actually a part of an anthology that I am writing in this National Poetry Writing Month.