The Final Kiss (By Jasmine)

Hiya Rebel! Alex is back with a review. Let's see what we've got here~

Been stitched in sorrow

That's such a pretty imagery.. I use a similiar (yet contrasting) phrase in my reviews often, one I'll repeat to this- beautifully woven! For lands to turn into a path to despair- it's a such an original way to get across the idea.

steers us all into the
Roads we seek to drive

Hmm.. shouldn't it be 'onto' as we usually say I'm driving on the road and not in the road? Maybe there's a specific rule I'm not aware of, but I think I've stumbled on a typo here.

array
Of lights by your heart's bay

You really know how to paint a scene, don't you? This particular imagery was very endearing.

Your lips, your heart, and your final kiss.

This might not go so well, but I think you should do away with 'and' here. I know it's grammatically correct only with it in place, but it sounds so good- almost like an echo- without the interruption! Aren't poets about all about breaking a few rules for the sake of bigger picture at times? I'll not force your hand but I want it to be known that this is my STRONG recommendation.

A little analysis on both the characters now that we know both their styles. Lavender seems the kind to be very put together, even overly so. But she's definitely skilled, pulling off all those elaborate rhymes. She seems to me like an intellectual being, who believes in fun flaunting but also sharing that knowledge as she quizzes her girlfriend. Jasmine on the other hand, is definitely more free spirited who chooses to go with the flow. Her rhymes are scattered but impressive in some bits- proving she's almost as talented in rhymes but chooses not to let them slow her down. It's so obvious that it's a case of opposites attract, I wonder if their contrasting personalities will ever cause them to clash. It'd be interesting for them to get over these arguments, stronger than before though, looking forward to how you plan to develop their dynamic!

That's all I have for now! Great poem, had fun reviewing. Until next time~

Love,
Alex

The Dice have spoken! Here’s the April 6th review~

I really like the flow and rhythm of these lines:

Many ways and paths have
Been stitched in sorrow and
Wrath

Quick question: Shouldn’t it be “at” the end of the day? Or is there hidden meaning in “in” that I just fail to spot qq

Aww I also like this line: “So, let me love and let me keep” I kinda like it more as a standalone than in context but I like how it leads to a title drop that works so so well!

I also like how it’s obvious two very romantically-inclined (and I meant it in the historical period) speaking to each other and that you can see the push and pull between them. It really works exceptionally well when you read the poems one after another ^^
(I also like how here Lavender is called basically pretentious in the first stanza but what follows is Jasmine matching her tone :3)