YEAH, GURL, YOU GET ME!!
I'm me, I'm ever-living and
I just love to be. It isn't about
Who you were or what you'll do,
It's 'bout what you are and what you
Do!
Life is not merely flowing along the river
And catching driftwood and trying
To light a fire in flowing water:
It's all that and learning from it,
To get on to land and make fire on
Dry wood.
It's about making those mistakes while
You still have time or it'll be over
Before you knew it, because
Once you're afraid of trying new things:
Life's a countdown to death, rather than really
Living.
So, my love, here's my wisdom of the day:
Life is not lived without love, so jump into the fray
And skedaddle around till you get to the hay
And find your needle, sew, pleat and say,
"Damnit, I should have done this stuff before
Yesterday!"
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139,004 Literary Works • 672,396 Reviews
Hi, Rebel! Alex is at it again, let's dive right in ~
Okay this might be the best poem in the series until now. I LOVE the message, and it's also phrased beautifully- the perfect combination. I certainly did not expect such a meaningful turn in a one word answer to a fairly simple question. Aren't your protagonists two drama queens? XD
Despite their many differences, the chemistry is undeniable. We see a friendship beyond the romance here- completely knowing the other person inside out. It's quite endearing to read and witness! <3 I also loved the language here, how effortlessly Jasmine speaks and gets across her feelings. Definitely more in tune with her emotions and she isn't afraid to express them freely.
I spot some jumbled rhyming here with 'me-be', such a treat!
It's just like Jasmine to give us that melody, but not submitting to the usual style of how things are done. I love how concise and meaningful this part sounded as well. Definitely my favourite!
They way you keep the last word of every worse to have a line of it's own- quite a bold poetic choice. Jasmine seems to have such a love-hate relationship with patterns. While she hates being confined by them, she introduces them in her narrative every once in a while. Does she really dislike them or just pretends so as to fit into her 'rulebreaker' image? I think it'd be clever to explore such character complexities.
To not make a thing anymore difficult than it already is- that's such a powerful message! I don't nearly see it talked enough and you sum it up rather well. Using metaphors to deliver it subtly, certainly worked fantastically.
AHHHHHH I'M SPEECHLESS.. You've outdone yourself here, Rebel! To capture such an elaborate concept so well, is something I can't commend you enough on. It hits you like a wave when you're expecting least. And needless to say, I felt really attacked by it so ouch XD
After such a climax though, I found the end to be a little slacking. But I guess you've just spoiled me with the spectacular endings with the initial few poems so that's why my expectations are so high. I get it though, you don't find the perfect fit everytime. Anyways, this has been spectacular otherwise!
It was a pleasure reviewing, until next time ~
Love,
Alex
Thanks a lot for the high praise!
The ending is supposed to be something like a call back to the earth after the entire poem talking about high and lofty concepts and ideas. It's fine if you don't like it, we all have our own tastes after all.
I don't have much to say for this one lol
Yours thankfully,
The Rebel
Ah Jasmine =D Love the first line already. I also like how she’s a) screaming the title and b) that first line!
I also really really like people that honestly love life and find something to appreciate.~ I already relate deeply to Jasmine!
I also like the rhythm of the first stanza and that you end it on that active verb!
Okay, the fact that the river catches drift wood to drag along is already a neat metaphor but the idea of trying to set that on fire is even better! Not just because it’s impossible to do that but also… Idk I see the driftwood as all your cumulated experiences/the ppl you meet along the way and might even accompany all the way.
I am a firm believer of being allowed to make mistakes up until you’re old as long as you’re willing to learn from them. Bc as Jasmine says here, if you stop doing that, you’re just gonna die, if not physically then at least inside.
Thanks for sharing :3
Thanks for the review, Tika! I am glad you liked it! :p
I love poems that make me smile after reading them and yours definitely did that! I'm used to seeing dreary poems so yours was a nice change of pace. I will say that I LOVED the last paragraph, it felt carefree, light, and motivating to get things done now!
One note:
In your third paragraph, you mention life being a countdown to death, rather than just really living.
This is a much different tone and brings on a dreary voice that I didn't see align with the rest of the poem. It definitely is a line that sticks out as that warning about life not being taken gently and actually seizing the day rather than waiting for the clock to tick down.
If that warning tone is what you're going for -- then I'm all for it! If not, just keep it mind that that sentence veers from the rest of your happy mood of the poem and instead leaves a hard warning for readers to quit laying around and try things now before it's too late.
With regards!
-Jane Amelia
Hey there, LarsJane! Thanks for the review and welcome to YWS!
About the line, it was more of a warning that was intended to say something along the lines of "Don%u2019t be afraid to make mistakes or you'll be afraid all your life and not live at all!". I hope you get my intent.
Thanks again! I hope you settle down around here and check some other works too! :p
Hii!!! I loved the message of this poem sooo much!!! I really appreciate it when poems ryme old school, carry a positive message, and (my favorite) use natural imagerey!!! I really like the style, flow, and cadence of this whole thing!!! However, a couple criticisms. The line at the end of the stanzas deasn't need to be two separate lines. Also, I don't like some of your ryme schemes in this poem. I feel the lymric structure of lines 1 and 3 ryming and lines two and 4 ryming would be better for this, as the structure of this poem is all over the place. Also line 2 completely abandons a ryme scheme despite the rest of the poem containing one. So, in short, better structure and consistent rymes would be great. But overall, LOVED this and think your next forrays into poetry will only get better and better as time goes on!!! keep writing so I can see whats next!!!
Thanks for the review, STATSCREAM!
The poem is written in free verse and it is a form of poetry that does not rely ot rhymes or lyric struture, but the natural cadence and the tonal elocution. Enjambment and intentional line breaks are a part of that and you should check out other works in the site (or just google "poems in free verse" or "vers libre") to see how it works.
Thanks again! :p
alright, thank you!!!