What is the cause that starts revolutions?
What is the core of self-earned volition?
The final call that ends persecution?
The final frontier of human evolution?
Oh, my love, you'd sacrifice your life for it:
It's the end of despair, the light beyond the pit,
The death knell of tyranny and authority,
The timeless word that defines sonority.
And with you do yearn hundreds of millions,
Scientists and labourers, nerds and vaudevillians,
Parents and children, refugees and civilians --
We all stand as one on humanity's pavilions.
Well then, my dear, by now, it should be clear,
For it's a heavy torch that we must ever bear,
To storm Olympus even as mortals mere --
Prometheus' promise that we'd win without fear.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hey Rebel, this is Alex again! So we have a Green Room one now, let's go ~
Okay, I REALLY guessed the answer this time. It's 'hope' isn't it? Fingers crossed.. On a site note, I like the idea of keeping the reader hooked and ensuring their active participation by these riddles. I'm sure such clever writing must take a lot of effort and thought, so I commend you for being able to pull it off so well.
The first stanza sounds so epic and cinematic, great for the beginning!
Definitely an unexpected adrenaline rush. The fact that you could use such difficult words for the rhyme while still maintaining their relevancy and meaning is also impressive. I'm actually surprised at such a turn in the first stanza, I'd have anticipated it more towards the end- and yet it works beautifully. Kudos for trying something unique!
The second stanza was such a graceful contrast, it really caught me off guard.
Phrased so delicately- it's dramatic to the point that I can imagine Lavender's theatric facial expressions and voice modulations as she ways this. It sounds so tender, well done.
Pretty expertly summed line! It's so dense and fitting- amazing work.
Ahhhhhh just a great line- Rebel magic, I've been blessed!
Again, awesome wording! The compatible syllable pattern is quite praiseworthy too.
Okayyy.. The first critic as it appears. While the metaphor isn't bad in itself, the end isn't the best place for it. It takes a little effort to comprehend and wasn't as rewarding, in my opinion. I found there to be many other great lines in the poem that would've worked better instead. I want the closing to hit as hard as a train- this was a missed dart. I believe it just needs some jumbling, something to think about. Rest everything was great.
It was my pleasure to review this, until next time ~
Love,
Alex
Continuing the replies --
I mean, the ending couplet would feel a tad bit better if you got the correct answer. In fact, I'd say that the couplet is the final hint if one could get the reference.
Once again, I don't have much to say except thank you for your high praise 😁
Yours thankfully,
The Rebel
It is impossible not to think of the Zelda game when reading that title. Hi Rebel! Extra review today because I felt like it. Also because of the title. I do love that game.
Hmmm I feel like the word “nerd” doesn’t really fit with the rest of Lavender’s grand vocabulary.
There do be a reason why this was the thing that was in the box of horrors, the one thing that didn’t escape into the world tho.
(I have Digimon brain so the moment you mentioned Light {beyond the pit} my brain jumped to Hope. Because Light and Hope go together)
So hope is not all good XD But I really do like that last stanza. I like the rhymes and the message there! [I also like how you bring across the MCs personalities so well in these poems!]
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Thanks for the review, Tika! It's defo a reference to the Zelda game, and you might see a lot more "slang" terms in Lavender's poetry in the next few as she starts to copy Jasmine's style but feels really lonely still.
I'm getting major Percy Jackson vibes and I feel like he'd totally fit this poem too. Love this!!
Hey! So this is more of a series of poems that I have recently started for the National Poetry Writing Month where two locers, Lavender and Jasmine, exchange poems to each other. L asks questions in a structured manner while J answers wittily in free verse! I hope you like them! :p