I am going to be honest in this one.
This sounds like I'm jumping the gun:
But oh my atheist god, I'm so done
With it all -- I'm coming home, honey bun.
I have the patience of a scared red ant,
So it was really hard for me not to rant
And write in rigid rhymes and slants,
But it was a test and now I know I can't.
I am such a trainwreck of a woman, you know?
Sometimes I just talk and talk like on a reality show,
So it was stupid of me to take this riddle challenge
Because sixteen lines is nowhere near my range.
I am sorry if I came off as really haughty sometimes,
It's just me trying to fit in enough thought in enough lines.
Anyway, my period's over and the gov gave me free airline
Tickets -- I am coming home, so guess what's the time?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
That's an excellent end to the first stanza: "With it all -- I'm coming home, honey bun." Really good!
Second stanza also has a punchy ending. I am loving this so far :3
I also like the idea of Lavender giving up on the riddles because emotions got too strong. She do be homesick and also constrained too much by the medium. I love how you showed this all without actually leaving the realm of poetry, very very cool!
Love that she gets free tickets. Ah looking forward to their reunion :3
I am glad that you loved it, Tika! :p
Wow. Short, sweet, and to the point! I think this poem conveys a real sense of swiftness. I dig it. I LOVED the line "but oh my aethest God I'm so done" and I think it might be my favorite in the poem. It's so classic and yet I've never heard it before. I don't know if that makes any sense. But seriously. so good. other standouts: "with it all-I'm coming home honey bun." "But it was a test and I know I can't." "I am such a trainwreck of a woman, you know?" And "Tickets-I am coming home, so I guess what's the time?" However, some critiques. I don't think you really wanted to write this poem, and I can tell somewhat by a few of the lines. Not all the nihilism here is bad, I just think it is a little on the nose. you don't have to listen to me though, and I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings at all. I like a couple of these lines in a vacuum overall though, and even when you're not nessisairly acting from the best place and your favorite poem structure, the poem still lives and breathes, and the poem is still alive. Solid work!