What is the thing between all things?
What wrings us all together and then flings?
What is mostly empty but makes it all swing?
What makes me miss you and miserably sing?
My sweet little honeybun, I might have finally found
King Shaka's isigqiki and resting grounds
In a small grain pit just a bit around
Under a parking lot in a buried feature round.
And there was absolutely none of this
In that mound, literally filled with piss
And dung and mud all in a solid matrix
All over a nation-builder's final bliss.
No matter if you were a great king
Giving your people a place in
The map of the world, the last grin
Is Death's, eroding it all to nothing.
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This one definitely stood out to me Rebel! I like that you decided to experiment midway this series, just when I feared it would start to get boring, just from the rigid idea pattern that it's based on.
I actually have no clue about this one. I was thinking 'distance' but after the entire King Shaka's tale, I'm not sure of the relevancy of my guess. I actually read some very mixed opinions about this figure, but he was still a king and deserved a proper burial at least. Towards the end though, I sense the more partial tone of Lavendar by portraying him a hero. But all of this story building could just be lesson about Death's supreme power and inevitability.
I was certainly more lost in this poem than most, but perhaps the answer will bind things together. Still, I feel it could've felt more rewardingly curious, and not confusing.
It also ready a little too wordy here, not sure if it's a way to show that Lavender's rhymes are stressed due to the anxious missing, or a limitation on your end. But the fact that you can do easily deflect it towards it being intentional is commendable in itself.
Personally, I don't think Lavender was trying to paint him as a heroic figure, but more of a legendary figure -- and there's a stark difference between the two in modern English.
Once again, thanks a lot for the review, Alex!
Feeling a tiny bit better today.
I really like the title of this poem. It was intriguing to me right from the moment you posted it (as a Tikaa-That-Is-Not-Sick sees all)
Wrings us together and flings *thinks of the moon flyby*
I like how you have these explicit mentions of Lavender’s and Jasmine’s culture in these poems. I think they fit very well even if I don’t understand the reference. I’ve been living and reading English and American literature without understanding their references either so this feels cozy and familiar!
Ah I don’t quite like the repetition of “under” here: “under just a bit around // Under parking lot” and in general I don’t feel like these two lines fit that well. But what do I know? =D
Hmm none of this… What does that mean? None of what was promised? But the “this” feels very deliberate, as if it should be something that has been mentioned in context before, in the poem. But I thought the riddle’s answer was Gravity… so it can’t be this either. Ahhh I am stumped!
Very peculiar!
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Thanks for the review, Tika! :p
Here, Lavender is basically talking about how she confirmed how discovery of King Shaka of the Zulu Kingdom's grave. The repeated 'under' was a typo so thanks for catching that! About 'this', I guess you could just read the next poem or you can also look up how King Shaka was killed and betrayed.
Thanks again! :p
Also, I hope you have recovered from your cold spell, Tika!
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I love this poem!!!! Your stanzas really build on each other so well! The way you describe the scene is straight up beautiful and it is truly amazing how I can perfectly imagine that buried parking lot setting in my head.My personal favorite is definitely STANZA 4! That image of Death’s last grin eroding everything to nothing is extremely amazing and honestly just a delicious way to show that no matter how big of a king someone was, time eventually takes it all back. It feels so raw and real.The punctuation was wonderful! It gives so much feeling to the right lines, especially the way the question marks at the start lead into the finality of the poem. The ending is outstanding and hits so beautifully!
-,Klee 2.0,
Nataleee :3 KABOOM
Thanks for your lovely comments, Klee 2.0! :p