What happens when two opposites are true?
What lies beyond contradictions and taboo?
What seems simple at first but bizarre too?
What happens when truths simul falsity ensue?
As you know, my love, I hate the spotlight,
And public speech gives me stage fright --
So this would ensure my name to alight
Into public's view, without my face's sight.
This is our daily existence, our strange
Compulsions all emulsify into the range
Of emotions and rationality that change
Ever constantly in equivalent exchange.
You and I embody this to our core --
Me: A strict and structured Scholar of Yore,
You: A Blue Bird who wants more and more --
And still we love each other and adore.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Ok ok you got me to look up something but I still don't get it xd What does "simul falsity" mean?
Considering the rest of the stanza, i suppose it's the contradiction of something being true and false at the same time?
I like the flow of the second stanza, everything seems to neatly fit together :3
It also feels like a logical step after the puzzle; it's just... neat :3
I find the final line a bit weak, especially in such an otherwise really strong final stanza. I really like the comparison Lavender draws between herself and Jasmine.
Good work overall ^^
Continuing the run!
"Simul" means "together" or "simultaneously" (this word literally originated from 'simul'), it is a Latin loanword into English sometimes used in poetry and research literature (it also stands for 'simultaneous exhibition matches' in chess sometimes). So yes, you came to the right conclusion by yourself.
I kinda wanted to tone it down a little bit in the last line as a sweet ending after the entire poem was adorned with haut monde language and 'pretentious' talk, but I guess it didn't really hit as well as I intended lol
I am glad you still liked it! :p
This is an amazing poem, love how it sounded but one think I didn't like was that it was a little lack of rhythm.
I want to preface this by saying that I hope you're a fan of brutally honest reviews. That being said, the first thing that I notice about this piece is its lack of rhythm. Lacking rhythm can make a piece an immediate turn-off. For example, the second stanza lacks any sort of flow; every line is jarring and obtrusive. I would suggest writing the poetry without feeling the need to stick to a rigid rhyme scheme, especially one as demanding as AAAA. Maybe try not rhyming at all. You showed cohesiveness in your thoughts. From what I divulged, it looks as if you've stuck to the theme. That leads me to my second point, CUT THE FLUFFFFFFF!!!!!! A lot of these sentences are straight out of a McGruffy's reader. They're weirdly formed and archaic sentences. You don't have to impress anyone with your vocabulary. Give it to me how you would say it. We as readers value honesty, and from the looks of it, you as a writer are being dishonest. A part of this dishonesty stems from this rigid rhyme scheme; don't feel obligated to rhyme. (And not everything needs to make sense either) People love making up their own meaning to every little thing. Allow them to. Use the human mind and necessities to propel your work forward. There is an immaturity to your work that makes it charming, but don't stay there for long. You may be comfortable, but its time to break your comfort zone and evolve. Im excited to see your future growth.
Thanks for the review, BEASTtheHun.
I don't exactly see any 'archaic sentences' or extra 'vocabulary' that are not commonly known to the average teenager, it would be very kind of you to point them out because I honestly have no idea. Secondly, this is the 23rd poem in my 30-poem anthology with 1 poem written every day as part of NaPoWriMo -- featuring two lovers, Lavender and Jasmine, writing a series of riddles (Lavender writes those, this is one of them) and answers (Jasmine answers them). Lavender's poetry is structured, rigid, and succinct while Jasmine writes in speech-like free verse. I have written poetry since I was 10, and several scores of them are there on this website, but this is my first attempt at a collection of poetry with a narrative and questions about human existence. I am sorry that you didn't like it.