What distinguishes a cause from its effect?
What makes ice melt and lakes reflect?
What heals wounds and corrodes the perfect?
What do we forget that always remembers to affect?
Not felt by light still it's in redamancy with entropy --
No matter if it's Flanders Fields where grows poppy
Or Göbekli Tepe or the invention of the floppy --
History is bound by it, in rhymes or just a copy.
My dearest love, it's been barely two weeks of this,
Yet I see you by my pillow, my lonely arms feel amiss,
It separates us for now, but will unite us with a kiss --
It is the dealer of terrible fates yet the giver of worldly bliss.
It is cruel, it is nonchalant, it is meaningless yet sublime,
The better half of Space, Gravity makes it chime,
The beginning and the end -- it does not give a dime --
All of it that I own, my love, let every bit be thine.
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Canary word: Present
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139,004 Literary Works • 672,396 Reviews
Ahhh this was just too good, Rebel! My guess is time, and i feel fairly confident. It could be a little awkward around lakes reflecting, but perhaps it's got something to do with how the sky scatters more light at the evening- some related or similar phenomenon- forgive me, it's been a year since I left physics now lol.
Some of absolute favourite lines-
Quite a literal way to start a poem, yet works beautifully!
Thought this would be too wordy but rolls off my tongue beautifully..
So fitting! <3
The poetic voice and excellence is strong here!
Thanks a lot, Alex!
and that is also very Nine-coded! The science! Also time is the reason lakes reflect? O_O
I think I like this the most so far :3
I now feel like my entire writing career if it ever exists in the future will always be in comparison to Nine XD
Dangggg I totally loved this like wow!
This first line was such a good opening. It immediately made me think of the effects of bad decisions and how they lead to causes of another bad decision, into an escalating storm or something like that? (Hope you get what I'm trying to say here lol)
I enjoyed the rhyming a lot. It felt simple and not forced which is perfect. It was fluid, clear, and made me think after. You did a good job at balancing questions from answers.
And also I've been reviewing these out of order so for that I apologize, but I'm loving these back and forth talks between Lavendar and Jasmine. Once I have more context on the story between those two then I'll probably love this poem 10x more.
Best regards!
-Jane Amelia
Thanks for the review, Jane Amelia! I am glad you liked it! :p
I simply loved your poem!!! You blend philosophical knowledge with poetic thought!! I don't usually write like this, but I love reading poetry in this style!! The feelings expressed: the longing, the cruelty, and the brevity of love—are incredibly intense!! It conveyed all the energy felt by a passionate romantic of the 18th century.
Thanks for the review, Larejo! I am glad you liked it! :p