Never
Had I seen so many,
So many beautiful things.
They sparkle up above me,
A beautiful abyss of grace
Countless,
Though I try
To see how many
I can spy upon.
Looking for the constellations,
Making up new ones
As I go along
Counting the stars.
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hello, Tigerlilly! I'm Sunset, here to review your poem. Speaking of which, let's begin!
I like this. The simplicity of this poem fitted very well indeed with the topic, which is an important thing that sometimes doesn't always work for others. It is also a small yet sweet poem, the words felt soothing inside my head.
One little thing I noticed, was I felt as though you were chopping the words up into different lines, which made the flow break for a second or two.
As I read over "Though I try, To see how many," I felt like you broke the words in half just to make another stanza. It could be fixed, but this is just an honest opinion.
And
I believe after "grace," it would be nice to have a period. You're starting over sort of a new sentence with "Countless," so it seems to me like a whole new sentence.
Back to what I liked. This part of the poem was my favorite because of it's great vocabulary and imagery:
I loved how you added in, "abyss" to show the grace of the stars. It is really great to read a poem with imagery, in which you have just showed me. To summarize what I liked, it was a sweet and simple poem, and had great imagery. Good job, Tigerlilly.
Sorry if this was a short review!
~ Sunset101
Hi there Tigerlily! Niteowl here to drop a quick review this fine Review Day!
Overall, I like the idea of this, but there's a few things I want to point out
I'm not sure about the repetition of "so many", but it could work. However, what really gets me here is the use of "things". An old English teacher once said if she ever saw "things" in our writing, she'd replace it with "bananas". "Things" is such a vague word that has no place in such a short piece where every word counts.
I agree with a previous reviewer that this doesn't make much sense. An abyss is a dark void--completely the opposite of something like grace. You could make this work by playing up the contrast, such as "Their grace breaks up the abyss".
A last note about the punctuation: It seems a little inconsistent. While ultimately it's up to the poet, I find it odd that you go from using normal punctuation to randomly skipping it. For example, I think you're missing a period or comma after "grace".
Overall, I really like the idea here of someone attempting to count the countless stars. Just a couple lines I think could be improved. Keep writing!
Hi there, just like many others I have been drawn into your writing simply because the title sung in my head.
Although this poem is fairly short, it still manages to create an artistic image where your words almost painted the moment.
At the start of the poem, the word 'Never' alone is a strong and effective opening to outline your mesmerised attitude.
The sentences are very short and simple which makes the poem a nice quick read.
Overall, this is a lovely piece of writing and I would love to see what else your creativity has in store.
Keep it up,
True
Hi there again Tigerlilly37. I hope you decided to keep Frank. Anyway, there's one thing I found kinda odd about this poem. You said "Countless" and then ended with "Counting the stars." I don't know if it's just supposed to be contradictory or what. Obviously, you can count stars, but you can't count all of them. However, that doesn't make them "countless." Or maybe I'm just blabbering without knowing what I'm talking about. Either way, it just seemed odd to me.
Other than that, it seemed like a really good poem. I feel like there could have been a little bit more imagery, though. Anyway. Take care of Frank. ~Prez. T
i liked this poem of yours, it is quite childish but beautiful nevertheless. now stepping to the nitpicking without wasting much time-
"A beautiful abyss of grace"- the word ''abyss'' seems odd as you see you are comparing it with something very beautiful. you would better use some brighter and more enchanting words like-"halo"
"Looking for the constellations,"- the word- "constellations," makes it a little prosaic as you are saying bout your boundless imaginations and where you are free to dream and find what your eyes catch, and not merely pre-known figures.[ i hope you got what i wanted to mean].
i think you are a cute writer and you may try time and again and you will make a good author.
keep writing,
rituparna
First of all, (intentional or not), I commend you for the effort using OneRepublic's song title "Counting Stars"! Definitely attracted me to read the poem because the name is so pretty and I love that song.
This poem is short and sweet, and I love it. It paints a good picture in my mind, and the length allows it to stay in a big stanza by itself without a necessity to split it into some small pieces.
My only concern is that you might want to vary your capital letters. After commas, you might want to use lower case instead. However, I understand that poetry takes a lot of liberty license, so if you like it this way, then don't worry too much about it!
Hope this helps!
~starlinks
This was pretty.
It was also simplistic.
It was written majestically, but it was only a single image. I liked it. I feel like I was viewing a piece of art. But I see no depth.
And correct me if I'm wrong, but it meant exactly what it said right?
I typically like poems with different meaning to what it says. If you decide to play with this poem more, please tell me I would like to see a different take!
~Inked
So small yet so elegant. I love the way it ends, mere ten seconds and it's over and then it leaves you craving for more, much more. Great job.
Honestly, every time I hear that song, I think it was inspired by The Fault In Our Stars.
Lately I've been, i've been losing sleep..... Thanks. I have that song stuck in my head now.
I like this a lot! It's always hard to review short pieces because generally they tend to be simpler in theme and imagery and whatnot, plus your is fairly tight, so I can't even annoy you about bad punctuation and mechanics!
The one thing I'll say is to think about picking a tense, so you can root it in one place. There are definitely times when you can intentionally mix up tenses to go for a ceartin feel, and heck, that might be what you're doing. For example, your first line is past tense but everything else in in present tense. Just thinking you could maybe change that to meld in with the rest of the poem. Or not! Haha
Great undertaking though, I really liked it!
#OneRepublic !
Nice poem by the way
XOXO,
Gravity
Hello! CapitalMonday here to do your review for you! I must say this poem (and I like poems) this seems like a well-written poem! I like how you describe the sky as an beautiful abyss of grace.
Also I'm just saying about "Making new ones?" Making new constellations... I'm just a little confused (if they made sense or whatever). Anyway, I think is quite nice little poem about the stars in the sky. I feel like everything in this poem is amazing as it is and hopefully, I get to read more of your works that you have wrote.
Have an amazing day!
CapitalMonday
Me and my brother used to make up constellations, looking at different shapes that we could find in the stars. I hope that this helps, and thanks for the review!
OH! that makes sense and you are most welcome