*Authors note: This is my own feelings about my schizophrenia. I've been having issues lately and my nightmares and attacks have gotten worse, so this is just a quick poem I wrote to get out some of those feelings. I don't plan on changing the content, but I'm open to suggestion on form and punctuation, etc. Thanks for your time.*
Shadows arising, voices hypnotizing,
Making you feel secure.
But you’ll find, my dear, the voices you hear
Will become too much to endure.
Darker than night, they’ll give you a fright,
And there’s the thought no one can protect you.
Screaming in pain, they’ll burn your brain
Until it becomes a liquidy goo.
You’ll want to die, they’ll make you cry,
People's concerns will be found.
They’ll keep you away, day after day,
In mental ocean you’ll drown.
Hatred burns pure, there is no cure,
For these terrible things you see.
I can’t quite explain why this pain
Is too insane to believe.
They’re going to scream, and it’s going to seem
As if you’re just dreaming.
Reality fades, he holds the blade,
Down your neck the blood is streaming.
You try in vain to end this pain,
But you can’t seem to awaken.
This nightmare won’t end, and you’ll never mend;
Schizophrenia can’t be shaken.
You’re going to try, but they’ll be sly,
No medication seems stop them.
Panicking still, you can’t find the will
To continue feeling so dumb.
Stares will follow, you’re still feeling hollow;
A void filled only with fear.
Your life is drained, you remain chained,
A prisoner to the shadows.
This is where the wild things are
This is where they dwell,
Your life they’ll surely mar
In that mental state of Hell.
This is where the wild things live,
This is where they feast,
The smell of angst that you give
Will awaken thy hungry beast.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Well I do not know if you can count this as a review!
But I can only say that it is truly beautiful and well written.It shows that you know what you write/do.You express so many feelings with this.
Maybe the 'this is' repeatments were the only thing that was a bit off for me but I do not know.The ' ; 'could be replaced also.Overall It is really good and I can not say something else which could be negative or bad for this work!You have very good rhyme and rhythm.
Just go on and keep writing things like this.
Thank you for your kind words and positive criticism! It means a lot to find that so many people enjoyed this poem and I'm just speechless. Thanks again, and have a nice day!
You are always welcome.
You are always welcome.
I'm actually quite speechless with this poem. This is beautiful and extremely well written. It's unfortunate you have to deal with this, but something so harsh was made into a quite unnaturally beautiful poem.
I loved the description and scene you depict. You really know how to word things in such a way that really digs deep. I can feel the emotion within this poem and I'm struggling to find words that would describe this poem. It's beautiful and I'd love to read some more of your works. I don't have any critiques for you with this piece.
Amazing job. Keep up the good work.
Thank you!! I'm so flattered that you enjoyed it!
Hey ! An awesomely womderful , marvelous piece of penning it is. The best thing in your poem is rhyme and rhythm . While reading I was feeling like I am singing a song. Reqlly really dear ! I am wishingyou all the very best for your future and once again. Spectacular piece 9f penning. Wish to read more and more by you. In review I can say this. Sorry No criticism, no mistakes I found. Keep up the good writing and keep up the carving of feelings through words and we'll be glad to read more by you.blessings!
Thanks!
This is wonderful. The flow, in my head at least, is fairly sing-songy, which really adds atmosphere (though there was plenty of that already) and the words you chose really work with it, especially your lines "This nightmare won’t end, and you’ll never mend; Schizophrenia can’t be shaken."
It's such a ringing truth, yet stated in duality: menacing, yet despairingly. I think that adds depth to this piece that wouldn't otherwise have been there.
I look forward to more!
Thanks! That line was most definitely one of my favorites, because it's the plain truth and it holds a lot of my emotions towards it.
Hello there!
This is a wonderful poem and I compliment you for writing it. It's simple and elegant and it feels really sincere. The rhyming just flow perfectly. The themes of the poem and certain sentences remind me of some Pink Floyd lyrics.
I especially like this sentence a lot: "Screaming in pain, they’ll burn your brain
Until it becomes a liquidy goo."
Keep up the good work.
Hello there!
This is a wonderful poem and I compliment you for writing it. It's simple and elegant and it feels really sincere. The rhyming just flow perfectly. The themes of the poem and certain sentences remind me of some Pink Floyd lyrics.
I especially like this sentence a lot: "Screaming in pain, they’ll burn your brain
Until it becomes a liquidy goo."
Keep up the good work.
Hello!
Your poem is wonderfully penned.
Rhyme schemes enchant me, and in this poem you have inculcated such a superior rhyme scheme.
Besides, i don't know what it is like being an schizophrenic patient and what pains they go through but of all i have heard about this has been beautifully carved and laid down.
I loved your ending line!-"Will awaken thy hungry beast. " It's such a catchy line!
Overall a beautiful poem and thank god you didn't ask for suggestions because if you did I wouldn't have anything to suggest!
Lot's of love and best of regards..
Thank you so much for your kind words!