I want to go home only...
I don’t know where home is.
I’m tired of feeling so lonely
When my hand is in his.
He is growing to be distant,
His faults are showing through
His mood is inconsistent
And I'm wondering if he’s true.
Perhaps I was just dreaming--
I should have known better,
Because now it’s started seeming
Like we’re just a lost love letter.
I’m not quite sure what happened,
We used to be so close...
But now our love has blackened
Many problems have arose.
This isn’t what I signed up for,
I never wanted to get hurt
I hadn’t known what was in store,
I never knew I’d feel like dirt.
I just want us to be happy,
I want to keep my best friend.
I don’t want to sound sappy,
But I think our love’s hit its end.
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139,585 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
i love this poem, its like all my feelings written into one. I can totally relate to this poem and i made an emotional connection with this poem. BRAVO! to you, for such an excellent work. I can tell you really wrote from the heart. and it keeps the readers engaged with your writing. this is really great there are no other way i can really put it. your a really great writer and i hope you continue to write things like this and make a connection with your readers/ fans.
i love this poem, its like all my feelings written into one. I can totally relate to this poem and i made an emotional connection with this poem. BRAVO! to you, for such an excellent work. I can tell you really wrote from the heart. and it keeps the readers engaged with your writing. this is really great there are no other way i can really put it. your a really great writer and i hope you continue to write things like this and make a connection with your readers/ fans.
Thank you so much!
Hi Tigerlilly37,
Great Job! The poem is strong and well-written. You have maintained emotion throughout the poem and the rhymes are pretty good too.
But I think you could rewrite a couple of lines. The line, 'When my hand is inside his' sounds a little odd when you read it out loud. You could try editing 'inside' to 'in'. And in the line, 'I should have known much better', maybe you could omit 'much'.
One last thing; it's okay to omit a few not-entirely-necessary words in a line. You don't have to use all the words to convey the message. Sometimes short simple sentences can also do the trick.
Otherwise, it is a beautiful poem and I really love it.
I like the poem overall! Very heartfelt!
A few sections sounded a little awkward or choppy to me:
"And I’m wondering if he’s true."
This perhaps could be rewritten as "And now I wonder if he's true".
Another line:
"Because now it’s started seeming"
Not sure how to rewrite this - but it also sounds choppy.
I love the story this poem creates. If this poem applies to you, I hope things work out.
All the best,
Juliyet
Hi Tigerlilly37, acm here for a review! I've always really loved rhyming poems, so I felt like this was pretty amazing. You used all rhymes, but no verse ever sounded forced, or like the rhyme was constraining the poem. The punctuation was great, and it helped move the flow along.
I only had a few short suggestions.
I think that this should be three dots to keep it consistent with the beginning of the poem.
I think this would read better as, 'He is growing distant,' so the line if phrased less oddly.
Those were my only suggestions. This was a pretty short review, since I didn't see any big things that were wrong. This is a beautiful poem!