There’s a beauty that lurks in the darkness of her eyes;
A melody behind her scorn.
Desperation reeks in the soft breath she whispers, tickling,
Tickling my neck.
Scarlet stained rivers,
Not of her own,
Drip over her hands and cascade
D
O
W
N
To the lake of obscurities
And livid ignorance.
But we don’t know what we don’t feel,
And right now,
She isn’t feeling anything.
There’s grace in the recoil of a gun;
A symphony hidden under the noise of the bang.
Perfection in form, feeling comfortable in her hands
Just moments before.
Reality slipped away,
Clouds of bliss flying high around her head
As I fell
D
O
W
N
Not to the hardwood floors of the tangible world,
But to the silent depths of nothingness.
Reflections of memories flow in mere fractions of seconds,
Morphed by the carnival mirrors and opinion.
Psychopathic clowns,
Complete with makeup so thick
I can’t recognize who they are anymore.
There’s an art in the depths of eternity,
A certain softness as the pain leaks away
Drip,
Dripping
D
O
W
N
Along with the crimson waterfalls of life
Spilling from my body,
Still warm
Onto her pale hands once so loving;
Now trembling with fear.
She promised me forever,
And here I greet an eternity of darkness with a smile.
Darling,
Death hurts you far more than it could ever hurt me.
Don’t flatter yourself with this calamity.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Heya, Tigerlilly37! Casanova here to do a review for you!
Anyway, here's how this is gonna go. I'm going to state what I liked, then what I disliked about the poem. Then I'll do an overall summary at the end. Let's get to the review!
Anyway, the main thing I liked about this was the overall message behind it. It's romance, which automatically makes me go,"Ooooh." But the way you did this poem actually sparked my interest. Your imagery is there, so props for that. I think you portray it well, and I think the overall poem does flow well together. Anyway, onward.
The things I didn't like about this was the bluntness. In most places you're saying,"You're this," and,"I'm that." I and You statements which take away from the poem when they're used in great number. We get the feeling you're just listing off emotions, and that isn't always a good thing. I'd rather feel the poem rather than be told what to feel.
The next thing is the,"Down," sections of it. You have them falling down. Which would be good, if it wasn't the basis of your poem. I would suggest cutting it, and just letting it be at the end or something, instead of having the weird spelling of down going on the left side.
The next thing was the amount of imagery. You use bulks of it, and sometimes that's a good thing. I feel like you should prune this a bit, which might help it.
Anyway, overall this was a decent poem. It has imagery, emotion, and it seems you have put a lot of thought into it. Prune, nurture, and let your seed grow until it blossoms as a great flower.
That's all I have to say on this one, and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanoa Aaron
Thanks Matt! <3
No problem, Stripes <3
Wow... The way the words flowed together reminded me of a painting with sharp and bold red paint brush strokes with soft strokes of blue undertones that faded into purple as it meets with the sharpness Of the red. The words you used were so beautiful and graceful, very good taste. Some poets use words to convey themselves without feeling, but you my dear use feelings to describe your words, every emotion can be felt. You portray a chaotic beauty that I admire... You're beautiful.
Thank you so much!
Wow I must say this poem has some extravagant flow to it. You are very deep with your thoughts. The words were so incredibly vivid and real. The imagery was exquisite. I would say that this is absolutely fantastic! I am not a very good poet by any means, however I find this incredible how you poured out your heart onto the page/screen like this!