My dear sweet Angel...
How could you have fallen?
Fallen,
For all those stupid things they said?
They don't know you;
So why bother?
Angel,
You must shake off those remarks.
Let me take the pain away,
Let me save you tonight.
Then, spread your beautiful wings.
No, perhaps they aren't the pure white
That you long for...
But to me,
They are magnificent.
Please, spread them my Angel.
Spread your wings,
And fly.
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
I like the metaphor this brings out, of a person, an angel, that is being insulted, but the character this is based on loves the angel. I love the lines:
Because it shows the reader that the angel isn't pure, but their wings are still beautiful. They may be flawed, but they are wonderful the way they are. This poem is very beautiful.
One of the things I would recommend is that you take out the random dots, as it disrupts the flow of the poem. It would be better to use a comma, or just nothing at all. Such as:
It just doesn't sound right in one's mind. It would be better worded as: "Please, spread them my angel." Which would be much better rather than the dots.
Another thing I would recommend is that you put your poem into stanzas. If you don't do that, the poem looks disorganized and untidy. Organization is important, and goes a long way, even though it may not seem like it does to you or others.
And the final thing I would recommend is that you create some imagery in here. Describe the wings with some nice vocabulary rather than saying, they are "beautiful." Be more specific! Imagery also goes a long way in hooking the reader into the story.
It would be better to use great describing words rather than bland ones like "beautiful" and "magnificent," because those aren't specific enough.
Overall, nice work. Happy Review Day!
✖︎
Thanks for the review!
aghhhh
AGHHHHH
NUUU
AGHHHHHHHHH
Shhhhh child let it happen.
If I could describe your poem with one word it would be: Beautiful. You are more than an author... you are an artist painting a picture with words you have written, and you could not have painted a more beautiful picture. So, thank you for a picture that is indescribably stunning. Now, how about I go more in depth with this poem.
I honestly love the idea. While it is used a lot I think that you gave it your own personal touch that really made it pop. You didn't make "your angel" stereotypical. You made her real. I think that a lot of poem's nowadays lack a raw truthful emotion, but I think you nailed it.
This love that this angel receives is because of hate she received before. I think that this particular part of the poem reflects on bullying in today's society, if I am wrong, I'm so sorry, but that is what I see. Personally having a friend who went through some extreme bullying this poem hits home. I often say to my friend that I love them and nothing that they do or what other people say will change that. It can be hard to hear the rejection in their saying the don't believe me, but just like our poem's main character I didn't give. Now, the bullying that my friend received has dramatically slowed down, and now my friend is learning to soar again.
I love the overall meaning of this poem and all the little details and mini stories found throughout the poem. You know what's up! You have so much potential! If no one has ever told you, I'm telling you now, you have major talent that you should keep using and showing to the world! This can impact people, just like this one did to me!
Keep writing bro.
~#41
Thank you so much for the kind words and praise! In all my time of writing poetry, I love trying to harness my emotions into words, which can sometimes turn out really well. I had written this for my girlfriend, who has been through a ton of bullying and is going through a very hard time right now, and when she read it she almost cried...
One thing I was once told was that when people see a pretty drawing of a dog, they say, "My, that's a nice dog," and keep on walking. But when they see a picture of a dog, hooked on a rusty chain and starving, they stop and they stare in awe and horror, because at that moment, they feel something.
My goal through poetry is to make people feel the same sort of emotions I feel. I want to show them my happiness, my pain, my wonder.. It is only when I achieve this that I feel successful.
Sorry if I ranted a bit there... I tend to do it a lot. Anyways, thanks again for the wonderful review! It really made me smile.
Lau here for a review!
Yes! Yes! Yes! I loved this! It was perfect. I'm writting one about an angel too. There is a little past tense thing that wonderwoman said, but that is it. If you ask me.
" They are magnificent.
Please, spread them...Angel.
Spread your wings,
And fly. "
Again, perfect. It made the big finish a big finish!
Thank you so much for the kind words!
Hello Tigerlilly37, Wonder here. I thought this poem was very elegant and lovely. You really made the reader (me) feel like you really loved your "dear angel".
I think the placing was pretty and I love that you kept to capitalizing the first word of every stanza. Let's get down to criticism.
1st: My sweet dear Angel...
In my mind I changed this to: My dear sweet Angel...
Maybe that was just cause I hadn't heard anything placed that way.
2nd: How could you have fallen?
Fallen,
For all those stupid things they say?
Notice how you have this in the past tense. You need to change 'say' to 'said'.
3rd:
Please spread them, Angel.
Spread your wings,
And fly.
This was pretty at the end but maybe place it like this?:
Please, spread them...Angel.
Spread your wings,
...And fly.
I thought the prettiest part of this poem was:
Let me save you tonight.
Then, spread your beautiful wings.
No, perhaps they aren't the pure white
That you long for...
But to me,
They are magnificent.
Anyway keep writing and NEVER get discouraged!
If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.
-Thomas Edison
~\/\/onder
Thanks so much for your advice! It really helps!
You're very welcome.