I like the metaphor this brings out, of a person, an angel, that is being insulted, but the character this is based on loves the angel. I love the lines:
No, perhaps they aren't the pure white
That you long for...
Because it shows the reader that the angel isn't pure, but their wings are still beautiful. They may be flawed, but they are wonderful the way they are. This poem is very beautiful.
One of the things I would recommend is that you take out the random dots, as it disrupts the flow of the poem. It would be better to use a comma, or just nothing at all. Such as:
Please, spread them...Angel.
It just doesn't sound right in one's mind. It would be better worded as: "Please, spread them my angel." Which would be much better rather than the dots.
Another thing I would recommend is that you put your poem into stanzas. If you don't do that, the poem looks disorganized and untidy. Organization is important, and goes a long way, even though it may not seem like it does to you or others.
And the final thing I would recommend is that you create some imagery in here. Describe the wings with some nice vocabulary rather than saying, they are "beautiful." Be more specific! Imagery also goes a long way in hooking the reader into the story.
It would be better to use great describing words rather than bland ones like "beautiful" and "magnificent," because those aren't specific enough.
Overall, nice work. Happy Review Day!
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Points: 1561
Reviews: 109
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