Remember the first day
Of the school
Was afraid and shy
But never I did cry
Remember the class
Called nursery
The section allotted to me was B.
Remember the old staircase
That led to the senior sections
Remember thinking one day
I'll ascend and earn a million.
Remember class one
When I had food alone
Remember class two
When my gold medal shone
Third and fourth were not as bright
Made friends, broke them
Had a couple of fights.
Class sixth
I frankly do not remember
Seventh and eight
To return to them
I'd spent a trillion.
Ninth and tenth weren't that bright
Academic tension, peer pressure
Begun to take the hype
Eleventh and twelfth
Had a different story all together
Different friends different me
Something I hadn't experienced ever.
Great teachers
Good students
Some pals for life
That one crush
Whose name always brings me a smile
Today when I walk down the gloomy corridor
Once again
To get all my school passing documents
The receptionist tells me
Son you go
To the class Nursery B
The way you know.
I laughed to myself
Rather did smile
Witnessed the story ending
The very place
My nursery section B
Thus completing the circle
The Circle of Life
©ishan_dhyani
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,481 Literary Works • 673,249 Reviews
Hello it's demoncat revewing.
And I must say this poem is great. So you graduated or something? That's what I'ma getting from this. I think I really wanna write a poem like this when I graduate. About graduating. But ok. I really love this poem. Although the spacing could use alittle work. Just alittle. And there are maybe afew transitions that didn't fit so we'll. Just where you should add a word. Though Grammer isn't my best subject. I really love this though.its just so touching. And it really makes me think. Because I will be a senior. Not this year but next. But yeah I really love this. It is such a sweet poem. With such a wonderful aura.
Ya just ended with schooling ,
Thanks for reviewing,demoncat
Its very emotional and raw as I feel a lot of people experience the sadness of graduating school and beginning there new life. The poem depicts so many emotions that follow with not only just years of school but the years of being a kid/teen and then embarking on to adult hood. It makes me sad to read as I am going into 10th grade this year and even though I have three more years I still look back and feel just how far I have come since preschool and the poem helps me feel all of that and that's when you know something is well written is when it makes you feel something. Thank ou so much for writing.
Thank yoy
Wesh! Professor Jade here for a review! Let me start by saying I'll be going through this line by line and giving honest comments. Please don't take any of it personally. OK? Let's begin.
Remember the class
Remember the first day
Of the school
Was afraid and shy
But never I did cry
I enjoyed the opening and the rhyming scheme. A poem about school life is oh-so creative and I love it! Maybe after these four lines do a stanza. You can copy and paste some really good ones from online.
Spoiler
Called nursery
The section allotted to me was B.
Remember the old staircase
That led to the senior sections
Remember thinking one day
I'll ascend and earn a million. (This is a really great phrase, I love you something so deep and heartfelt came from a few lines. You touched my heartstrings)
Remember class one
When I had food alone
Remember class two
When my gold medal shone
Third and fourth were not as bright
Made friends, broke them
Had a couple of fights.
Class sixth (The numbers and rhyme scheme are good but maybe slow down a bit?)
I frankly do not remember
Seventh and eight
To return to them
I'd spent a trillion.
Ninth and tenth weren't that bright (You keep saying not (so/as) bright. Maybe change word use?)
Academic tension, peer pressure
Begun to take the hype
Eleventh and twelfth
Had a different story all together
Different friends different me (I don't know if this is a metaphor or if you're just saying it as it is, but good job!)
Something I hadn't experienced ever.
Great teachers
Good students
Some pals for life
That one crush
Whose name always brings me a smile
Today when I walk down the gloomy corridor
Once again
To get all my school passing documents
The receptionist tells me
Son you go (This is a good nostalgia.)
To the class Nursery B
The way you know.
I laughed to myself
Rather did smile
Witnessed the story ending
The very place
My nursery section B
Thus completing the circle
The Circle of Life (Love the ending!)
©ishan_dhyani <--- That is creative, too
I'm just going to point out: I love the counting, but I think you shouldn't say remember so much. maybe use synonyms??
I hope this was useful and I really did enjoy your poem. There wasn't too much to criticize and I congratulate you.
-Professor Jade
Hello! I enjoyed reading this poem. There's a great deal of emotion in here, and I like the rhyming scheme.
"Was afraid and shy/But never I did cry": I think that "But never did I cry" would make more sense and be less confusing than "But never I did cry".
"Remember class one/When I had food alone": I think that "When I had food alone" isn't the best line you could've put there. I think that "When I ate lunch alone" or "When I ate my food alone" would be better.
"Third and fourth were not as bright/Made friends, broke them/Had a couple of fights.": I love these lines a lot.
"Ninth and tenth weren't that bright/Academic tension, peer pressure/Begun to take the hype": Since you used "[not as/weren't that] bright" to describe third and fourth year, I would rather it not be seen again (I understand that it would mess up the rhyming scheme).
"To get all my school passing documents": Not sure what a "school passing document" is. Graduation certificates?
"The receptionist tell me": Do you mean "tells"?
"The very place /My nursery section B": "My nursery section B" confuses me, as it does not fit in with the few lines before it.
Otherwise, I loved this poem! Keep writing, and congratulations!
Ya there are couple of typos.
School passing certificate is a graduation certificate and a noc by the school.
Well... Thank you for your review
well done on this poem, the layout and the rhymes made it a really good easy interesting read. It's like you can feel how you were feeling throughout all the grades of school and the satisfaction of complete that circle.
Well fastest review I ever got!
Thank you Foxtrot