The Rain

Hi, this is ZeldaIsShiek, here to review another amazing piece of literacy and beat the Werewolves once and for all! For the Witches shall win in the end! But before that happens, I am going to help you improve your writing as a whole and improve you as a Young Writer in the process. Of this I am certain. I like all literacy, regardless of what genre or subject it is falls under. When I review your work, this will become apparent to you. Are you ready? Let's begin the review!

I really like the lines that say "The Sun has vanished, the clouds have reigned, they have thundered, washed away our pain" because it makes it seem like the sun is being obscured by a storm of darkness and sadness, but in reality, the sun was pain and the rain that blocked it out was actually saving the poet from the pain they had experienced. This is the opposite of what most poems would suggest, suggesting that the sun is the light and the rain comes along to block it out and obscure the truth. However, in this poem, that is not the case. That is one of the reasons I like it so much. It shows that obscure concepts can accurately be transformed and described in poetry without subtracting from the overall meaning of the poem.

That's all for now. See you soon, and have a happy Review Day!

-ZeldaIsShiek

Hello, Ishan212!

I really liked all the rhyming in this poem, and I don't understand why you decided to stop here,

The Sun is hiding

Behind the clouds

Revealing his orange

Agony of thoughts

They have thundere

Washed away all our pain.

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

So I wanted to first point out that there are no stanzas in this poem, which are something that I suggest adding in. This is because it not only adds a sense of structure, but it also makes it easier for the reader to actually read since most of the lines are of similar length. If you're unsure of how to do this or haven't experienced this with the Publishing Center before, you can always line up the stanza all in a single line and press shift+enter where you're wanting the line breaks to be. If this is too vague of an explanation, there's always the option of using a dash or even just a '~' to indicate a stanza ending and a new one beginning. I also say this because there's the use of repetition in this poem and I believe it'd be more effective if this were more organized aesthetically.

Another aspect of this poem that I wanted to talk about is exactly that, the repetition. I found the execution of this poetic device to be a little unfavorable since it does get repetitive, which isn't what you want to happen. 'The' is the starter of a line multiple times in this poem, making this stale quite easily. I enjoyed the part about the sun behind the clouds, so I hope in future edits that you put some more focus into that.

The rhyme scheme here makes this poem actually harder to flow and bogs it down due to it being shackles to the piece, weighing it down to the ground. At the beginning of the poem you start out with a -A-A rhyme scheme where only the second and fourth lines are rhyming. This stops in the middle of the poem and in the third set of rhyme you even use 'blue' twice at the second line and the fourth line there.

If you're going to rhyme, at least be consistent about it. Give the reader more of an atmosphere and more sensory detail. What does it feel like? Smell like? Taste like? Go into more depth about that and this'll be more effective. I'd suggest adding punctuation to the mix though it isn't the most necessary in terms of priorities in what needs revision. The flow and addition of more substance that goes deeper into the topic of rain is what I'm requesting and an experimentation with repetition since that isn't used the most effectively here.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

Hey there Ishan212. It's just Lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

I liked this poem because of the symbolism and all (even if this wasn't something you originally intended, it worked out pretty well as a comparison). Another thing I liked was how it was almost an inverse of one of my favorite songs "Mr Blue Sky" by ELO. That one is sort of celebrating the sun coming out but yours in contrast was celebrating the rain. This was enjoyable in a way that I couldn't really explain but is going to relate to another subject further down.

There was this slight rhyme scheme flowing throughout the first half of the poem, linking in to some of the enjoyment factor, but then it dropped. This disappointed because you had such a good thing going and then it just dropped off suddenly. I think that perhaps you could ease it down gently, mixing some words where the rhyme could be interpreted several ways. Just one thought on the subject.

Flow. Flow isn't too great considering the lack of commas and the excessive capital letters, this all bothering me a bit. There's this idea that people think that every first letter of a line must be capitalized in a poem. Totally not true and also a bad factor for a poem, something that can kind of kill the feeling absorbed from a poem. To me it felt too formal if you can imagine that feeling. This is definitely something for you to experiment in future works, I learned how to mess around with it the hard way.
With punctuation, I think you can also play around a bit and work it into stanzas. Stanzas would really be the most important thing for you to implement before anything else and possibly the easiest to determine. It's basically just grouping together 2-6 lines that are similar in description and emotional output towards the poem. Once you have these arranged, then you can start working on where the commas and periods should go.

There was one quality that I found particularly interesting, always capitalizing the s in sun. It was treating it as an actual person who was causing all this pain and harm to the people of the land. But then none of the rain related terms were capitalized, putting me off a bit to the poem because I thought you would capitalize the two opposing forces. Maybe this is just my way of looking at it, but it was a pov I thought I should mention to you.

Overall this poem was very fun and serious and a few others things all happening at the same time. Though they were thrown together a bit hurriedly, the pacing of the poem is workin sonewhat wel but it will be helped by those hints o mentioned above. In simpler terms, I liked it but you could do with some tweaking to this idea.

That's about all I've got for now.
Good luck and good day.
~Lady Lizz