The Sun has set again
He has set indeed
His mother is crying
As He was punished
For no wrongful deed.
The Sun had served the nation
In heat cold and rain
He was the one standing alone
In the snow
For sake of the millions with one name.
What is He getting in return
Just persecution or pain.
The Sun was never wrong
The Sun was never right
He did just what he could
Just He shone bright.
The Sun is being murdered
His mother is losing her child again
The nation does nothing but utters
Words of pain.
Has His dedication has gone in vain ?
The Sun did not cry
The Sun neither wished to be killed
But He even then risked His life
With a hope
That his nation will help Him in
The times of need.
But the nation just mourns
Just cries as The Sun drowns
In the sea he never visited
For the sin he never committed.
The Sun has set
He has set indeed
His mother is crying
As her Sun gets punished
For no wrongful deed.
For no wrongful deed.
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140,481 Literary Works • 673,249 Reviews
Hi, this is ZeldaIsShiek, here to review another amazing piece of literacy and beat the Werewolves once and for all! For the Witches shall win in the end! But before that happens, I am going to help you improve your writing as a whole and improve you as a Young Writer in the process. Of this I am certain. I like all literacy, regardless of what genre or subject it is falls under. When I review your work, this will become apparent to you. Are you ready? Let's begin the review!
I really appreciate this poem because it makes me feel like the poet who is writing this is seeing loss left and right and up and down and wants to make things better, but does not know how. The sun is the god and the nation in this case, but they are not helping things like they are supposed to. They should be making things better for everyone, but instead, they are taking away from people the little that they already have. They have risked their lives for the sun and the nation, but it has all been in vain once the sun and the nation have refused to help them in any way, shape, or form. The mother loses her child to this war, and so does everyone who tries to stand up for what is right. This is a good way of putting how the world does not repay kindness, but it awards loss. Thanks for your time!
-ZeldaIsShiek
Thanks a lot.
A spectacular review from your side.
It had a great interpretation of The Sun
Thank you! I like how your poem flipped the reader's expectations and pre-assumptions.
Well written poem and work formatting stanzas.
You did a great job by comparing the dead soldier to a sun.
You were brilliant in continuing that comparison till last line.
my dad is also an veteran in 64 Engineers Regiment at Jammu.
So loved your poem!
Hey, Ishan212! Scythe here for a quick review
This was great, I could see great potential within the poem except it was a little rough and needs major improvements with structure, grammar and wording.
There are a few issues with this. The first is that you've capitalised the two words (The Sun) in the sentence, but also all throughout the poem and honestly, they should not be capitalised, except for "The" in the first line of course, because it's the first word. But actually, it should be "a" rather than "the", thus the entire sentence should be:
"the" refers to one person, whilst "a" refers to a larger group of people. The line is "The sun has set again", but if "the sun" (meaning one person) has died again then that means they were alive prior to that death. So are you trying to suggest they're immortal? I doubt that, so "A" is the correct word to use in this case.
Hope this helped
- ScytheMeister
ScyTheMeister
Thank You for commenting on my poem.
I want clarify certain things. I want to tell you that in India we refer to our people as 'sons' of 'Bharat Mata' or 'Mother India'
1 This poem is about the demise of another great Indian soldier while servcing the nation.
The word 'again' signifies that the sacrifice has taken once more.
2 I have said caital letters to begin the 'Sun' because of respect.
I think this much liberty, the English language gives us , poets.
3 We generally say The Sun, The Moon etc. , even after we know that there are a lot more stars and satelites revolving in the universe due to respect. Thta's the reason I used 'The' and not 'A' as I wanted to respect the particulare matyr I'm writing abvout
However, your understanding on the poem depends upon hows you interepret it. I appreciate your understanding as well as intwerpretation.
Keep reviewing my work.
Thank You
Ishan212
Similarly there are millions of patri
I LOVED this poem. Generally if someone dies then you hardly hear about it. This poem has brought out into the light that which should not be forgotten.
The only negative thing I could find was in the beginning... When you say the sun has set 'again' , then it means the soldier has died before. Cut out again. Or, you should write ' A sun has set again', not 'the'.
I really adore this poem. Totally looking forward to reading more like this...
LittleLee;
Thank You for reviewing my work.
"The Sun Has Set Again" means that another soldier has given up his highjly valuable life for the sake of his motherland.
But your understanding depends upon your interpretation about the poem.
You wrote that you wish to read more stuff like this.
You may also enjoy to read my story 'The Valley of the Mist'.
Please do review my story.
I thank you for following me and I'm also following you.
All the best for your future literary works.
Thanks
Ishan212