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As Simple As That: Chapter One ; That's Not Cricket

by Ishan212


“Ma’am may I come in?” I asked, waiting for Mrs. Sharma’s nod, which eventually welcomed me into my classroom. Noticing, the classroom fully occupied, I had no chance but to occupy the last benches with none other than the goons I hate. I silently drifted past the aisle, and gestured Nikhil to shift inside. Taking my notebook out, I stared at the blackboard to absorb everything I was able to understand and swung my hand up on the air, inviting laughter.

“Howdoou getg tnat sinx +siny = 2?”

She was unable to understand my language. My classmates weren’t able to understand my language. At least my teacher didn’t laugh as they did. She just told me “Beta, Come and ask me separately.”

                                                                             ***

The rest of the day was quite simple. I managed to score ninety percentages of marks in my unit tests, I again was unable to defeat my tumultuous tendency to not to hit the ball at the correct time and again went out for a duck, Mrs. Sheena, my chemistry teacher again kept on praising me and again I was saw her.

“She is so beautiful, isn’t she Ishu?” questioned Hitesh, inviting a serious tone of dissatisfaction and disapproval on my face as you know, I am rather serious and straight forward person when it comes to my life, especially my school life. But as they say “Ishu has serious problems with everyone. He is more of a back seat driver, criticizing people all the time”

I was going to stand up on their expectations and rip apart Avnisha and her friends, in a few hours as they were constantly cursing cricket and its importance in India.

It was the last period. We had Physical Education. Mr Rajesh was busy playing badmointon and I,after finishing a match of cricket was packing my bag to rush and catch the bus on time.

However, I was attracted by a voice which was sure to bring out lines of anger on every teenager's face in the cricket loving nation of ours.

“Cricket, cricket, cricket. What the hell is it?” shouted Avnisha “A bloody sport with people running around wearing pads and helmets?”

“Yes! You are right.” Added Shipra “It is not an international sport. It is only famous in India and the subcontinent. It is just a mere symbol of colonialism in our country.”

Angrez chale gaye cricket chod gaye!(The British went away, but left cricket in the country!)” came a voice from behind the stairs. I immediately recognized it. It was none other than Sreenidhi Chandreshana, the captain of our school’s girls’ volleyball team. She was tall, athletic, flexible and everything but not a true sport. She had been twice booked for poisoning the rival team’s players with constipation tablets and once for locking the rival captain in the out of order washroom, just hours before the match. But this time she didn’t know whom she was going to face.

Honestly, I did want to get into an argument, if not a fight with someone, especially with this particular group, as these were the prominent happy faces in today morning’s sin=cos incident. I was just waiting for an appropriate opportunity, like a tiger waiting in the bushes to hunt down his prey. Soon I got the opportunity. A very good opportunity indeed.

“And who the hell is Sachin?” Sreenidhi begun, ”An old person whom people describe as God. Does he even -“

I didn’t allow her to complete. “What do you think you are?” I exploded. “Do ‘you even know who Sachin is? He is SACHIN TENDULKAR. The best batsman of all times. He is the one because of which India is respected in the world of cricket. “The captain looked at me with her eyes red with anger.

By the time a lot of other students had encircled us, and were murmuring, asking people around them the reason for the argument.. Most of them were from my batch. Raaz., Shairaz, Tom, Nikita, Sahendra and Mahira, all of whom were no doubt cricket lovers.

You know, the ability to understand, analyze and critically examine situations, non matter of hat kind they are is something at heps me a lot. In examinations, in interviews, in debates and of course, it worked here too, exceptionally well.

The captain was again about to say something, rather was going to abuse me, but this time too, she was interrupted. Not by me, by Nikita. “ What’s up guys? Why are you figting?”

How could I let go such a wonderful chance of comleting my objective, that was ‘humiliating the ones who laughed at me in the morning.’

I went on, “ I’ll answer you Nikita. The volleyball captain of our school says Sachin Tendulkar doesn’t know to bat and should’ve and is not worthy of being called the –“ This was sufficient. The fire was set. Now the whole jungle had to burn.

Raaz, Shairaz, Sahendea , Tom, Nikita all had were really very angry. One could see Raaz, shivering with anger.

In a fraction of a second, the whole group thundered at Shreenidhi and latyer on her friends who tried to defend her.

Either I had been so much involved in the argument that, or it was due to my friends shouting at the top of their voices on shreenidhi and company, that I was unable to hear the bell.

I again had to rush to catch the bus on time.

***


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Sun May 28, 2017 3:01 am
tgirly wrote a review...



Hi! This is tgirly, here to review your piece.

I like this chapter a lot; I think it does a really good job of setting up the story’s conflict and introducing the main characters of the story. It also does a good job revealing to the reader the setting and mood of the story.

The opening scene where he comes into the classroom could be clearer. I think giving a few more descriptions, so the reader can better see the place, and explaining a bit more of the context would be helpful. For example, why does the main character dislike the students at the back of the classroom? Why can’t they understand the language of the main character? These are things that should be explained as they’re introduced. Choosing this scene for your opening scene is a good choice, since it seems like the type of scene that could set up the novel really well; you’re just rushing it a little bit.

In the fifth paragraph, it’s a bit confusing when you say “as you know” because, unless you posted a prologue earlier that I didn’t notice, the reader doesn’t know the main character well enough to know this characteristic about them. Additionally, instead of saying “questioned Hitesh”, you should just say “said Hitesh”, other dialogue tags, unless you have a really good reason for them, are just distracting for the reader.

You do a really good job of explaining Sreenidi’s personality with the funny anecdotes about how she’s sabotaged the other cricket teams. In very little space, you’re able to explain a lot about her and it’s really effective.

Wonderful chapter. I hope you continue with the story! Happy Review Day!

-tgirly




Ishan212 says...


Thanks for reviewing my work



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Sun May 28, 2017 12:35 am
Aleta wrote a review...



I like what you've got going on here. Seeing as though you want critique(from the comment below), I'll go into first impressions and then to my critiques. You start off the chapter well, and make everything that is going on clear and understandable. I took notice of a few things out of place grammar wise but I'll help with that later on in my review. I liked that there was a diversity of language in here as well because most books are just one language and that's all. Her day got more chaotic as the story went on and I'm glad for that because it made the story way more entertaining.

CRITIQUE
1. "Noticing, the classroom fully occupied, I had no chance but to occupy the last benches with none other than the goons I hate."
Correction: "Noticing the classroom was fully occupied, I had no other option but to occupy the last benches with none other than the goons I hate."(notice I took out the misplaced commas and the word 'no chance').

2. "Taking my notebook out, I stared at the blackboard to absorb everything I was able to understand and swung my hand up on the air, inviting laughter." (The word 'swung my hand up' seems awkward.)
Correction: Taking my notebook out, I stared at the blackboard with an intense focus, absorbing everything I was able to understand. I clumsily raised my hand in the air, inviting laughter. (I split up the two sentences because it seems to have a better flow like this).

3. "The rest of the day was quite simple. I managed to score ninety percentages of marks in my unit tests, I again was unable to defeat my tumultuous tendency to not to hit the ball at the correct time and again went out for a duck, Mrs. Sheena, my chemistry teacher again kept on praising me and again I was saw her."

This is a run-on sentence because it goes on forever and forever. I would suggest splitting it up like this: The rest of the day was qutie simple. I managed to score ninety percentage of the marks on my unit tests, and I again was unable to defeat my tendency to not hit the ball at the correct time. I went out for another duck, but Mrs Sheena, my chemisty teacher, kept on praising me [don't get what this is...??]

I found that you used the word again too many times. "kept on praising me and again I was saw her." I really don't get what you're saying here at all so I'd suggest fixing that.

Sorry its brief. Cheers!




Ishan212 says...


Thanks for the review .
One thing I wish to tell you is that-
The protagonist is a boy not a girl.



Aleta says...


Oh whoops my bad :)



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Tue May 23, 2017 5:23 pm
Midnightmoon says...



I have one thing to say. You have a true talent for writing! Best story I have ever read. I'm hooked! :).




Ishan212 says...


Hey it is not that good. I think you just commented here after you read me shouting on my wall. Isn't it true?:)



Midnightmoon says...


I haven't been to your wall. I just saw this and had to read it. I like it! :). Anyway, I've posted several poems and the first few chapters of a book, but I'm really not that good. You are great. :)



Ishan212 says...


I'm sorry, if I offended you. You know I do not have a habbit of getting less critical reviews, at least for the firsty time.
images/smilies/icon_smile.gif



Midnightmoon says...


You didn't offend me! I'm sorry if I made it sound like it. If I sound rude, I'm sorry. I don't mean it. I'm just....dealing with...something right now. So just ignore me if I sound rude. :).




Once I had asked God for one extra or two extra inches in height but instead he made me as tall as the sky, so high that I could not measure myself.
— Malala