The Shadow

I like the way you personify the shadow so that it can actually complain about how we are affecting it. After all, human shadows are caused by the person. So their shapes depend on how the person looks. So a fat shadow or a distorted shadow, if personified would complain about the abuse we are heaping on it with our overeating. Or else it might be via an accident we had. due to carelessness.

One point which made me pause was when the speaker tells us that the shadow now seems sceptical and sinister. As a reader I wanted to know why the speaker reached that conclusion. How had his own shadow change that made him have that different opinion. How had the shadow behaved before? In short, the reader’s curiosity is tweaked but left unsatisfied. So to make the poem better, I would fill in that part with a brief explanation of how the shadow was once as opposed to how it became later. I would also hint on what exactly it is about the speaker that the shadow is objecting to.

All in all a great poem which can become even better.

Hi there! Here to leave a review

Grammar
1) "Seemed;" - I would remove the semi-colon here, as it doesn't seem to fit
2) "Cause" - You need an apostrophe like 'cause or just change it to because. Either way is fine
3) "And walked as if;" - again, the semi-colon isn't needed

Overall, you've used a rather simplistic idea but turned it into something creative. Yes, it may be a little cliche, but you've put your own twist on it and I like that a lot. Also, I like the sibilance (repeated 'ssss' sounds) used as it kinda creates the effect of shadow in a sense. You could include more sibilance just to further enhance that effect as well.

I like the form & structure. It's very free-flowing, which mirrors how a shadow is free in a sense. Anyhow, I like how you've structured it. You could also, if you add more detail and more lines, separate it out into stanzas, but use different-length stanzas, just to keep the effect of the shadow being free - uniquely-sized stanzas break away from the controlled, uniform quatrains etc.

You have room to add more complex vocabulary choices, just to create a more sophisticated poem. In addition, I would love to see some more imagery or your already-existant imagery developed more, just to create a more vivid picture for the reader. At the minute, I can see a shadow, and it kinda remains at that level. Describe the shadow - I want to know every detail (well, maybe not every detail, but more detail nonetheless)

Overall, I like this poem. I think once you've gone back and revised it, it's going to look super-duper good. I hope my review has helped you with it!

KayLou1609

Hello there!

Rosalía here for a review. First of all, I would like to say that this was a very good poem, and you have chosen an excellent theme for it.
yet, while I was reading it, I felt there were some things that were not quite right, and did not make the reading quite smooth.

This would be my recommendation in order to improve it. For example when you say

"Told me she

Liked the way", I would change it to:

"Told me,

she liked the way", so that it doesn't seem you are cutting short a phrase/sentence.

Anyway, congratulations on this poem, and keep writing!!!

Rosalia