The Daughter Of The Raj

I love seeing fellow desis on this site hahah, this is really good job!

Just a few things, only basic editing stuff:
maybe capitalise the word "old" in the second line like you did with the word "young" in the first, to maintain the poetic flow,

and I think you meant to say "And thus"? in the fourth last line, also maybe add some punctuation to tie it together

but other than that, it's a very good poem!! keep writing!

Ishan, hi!

First of all, thank you so much for sharing this poem on YWS. I'm sorry it hasn't had more response yet.

Now, I am from America and I am not familiar with the places mentioned in this poem, but I am a huge fan of place-heavy poetry and love being introduced to new places, so it definitely took my attention.

This poem felt like those riddles that teachers sometimes read aloud in class and want students to guess the vocabulary word that the riddle is describing. It felt like it might be connected to science class, especially, because it mentioned particularly the himalayas, the snowy mountains, the cold breeze.

But what I loved most in this poem was this kind of line:

"The land of visage/ The heart of Garwahl./ I was hunted by The Raj/ Constructed by the Raj"

And I enjoyed this part particularly because the specific words you use (Garwahl, Raj), even if I don't know what they refer to, bring up an authentic taste in the poem. And tight, strong words like "visage" give me a lot to imagine -- what visage does this land hold? What would make it important enough to be the heart of something, hunted by and then constructed by something? It feels like it is part natural (the description of mountains) and another part man-made, meticulously and with care, and I like that texture.

I wonder if there is more imagery that you would like to include in the poem -- are there small sights that give a broad texture? For example, rather than speaking about snowy mountains, what about a snow-covered landmark? Something that would communicate the presence of snow, but have another texture beneath? Because right now I just see a white, blank blanket.

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions/comments about the review.

Thanks so much for sharing,

Hannah

Hi Ishan212, I wanted to do a quick review on your poem 'The Daughter of The Raj'.

This poem sounded kind of confusing to me because I didn't understand what Raj meant at first. Now, I guess you mean, the British Government by 'Raj' and is it an Indian word? To be honest, I really don't understand if there's anything deep in this poem that I didn't understand. Can you be more clear about the poem? Well, I guess, it's a nice poem.

Well, keep on writing and I wish you a wonderful life ahead. Thank you very much for sharing the poem.