Young Writers Society

Hi! This is great, love the language and the story
Would just like to suggest a few things with regards to the structure/grammar:
1) Think line 5 should be "You flew and flew for us" or "You just flew and flew for us"
2) Full stop after "pain" in line 12
3) Majestic AND graceful, line 13
4) I suggest remove the "the" in "Today you are in the ashes" and put a comma after
5) Put a period after "flames"
6) Put a comma after "memories"

Oh wow. THIS is what is called a pure emotion poem! Just wow! It's really nice, it doesn't need any fixing, at all.

And sorry for your loss.

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500

This is a beautiful poem, I saw nothing that needed to be changed nor fixed. Its pure emotion. I am so sorry for your loss. Just from this poem, I could tell he was a great man. I loved this.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my Grandmother a little less than a year ago, and I know how it feels, but something else I know is your Grandfather would be proud of you!
I look forward to seeing more from you, as always, keep writing!

This was a truly nice tribute to a loved one, the poem started somewhat generic, then as the specificity increased the metaphor took form.

I interpreted this to be a poem about a loved one who has passed (flew away like a bird) naturally, and tge speaker reflects on what they have been given through their life, and know even now they're with them.

As I mentioned previously, the first section isn't very unique -I think that going to the description if flying it ought to be more pointed [where/how are they flying away] or connected more to the speaker's relation to them directly, or else saying "birds fly" feels very generic.

The middle part is clear, and the metaphor makes sense. With wings, protection, perserverance...

The part in the end is the most catching / interesting part of the poem and I think it has a lot of potential. I it the ash/fire bit could be connected somehow with the bird aspect it would make it all so much more cohesive. Perhaps a reference to a phoenix, standing still among the flames, or something in that vein could work. Either way threading another bird reference at the end will really pack a punch and help connect the thoughts together.

Well done in writing and portraying so much strength, I look forward to readimg more of your poetry.

-alliyah

Hey, Luke here just to give a little review.

Hope you're feeling okay. I really loved the emotion in this poem, and because it's emotional I dont want to give you too harsh a review. But it really is a beautiful piece.

First, I just wanted to say I think you mean "gale" instead of "gayle." I also feel like the poem just lacks a little formatting. It helps to create more of a flow and rhythm to the poem, which will make it even more beautiful in the long run.

That's all I really wanted to say. Just keep on writing and getting all your emotion out on paper.

Best Wishes,
Luke

This is beautiful!! I love it! You definitely have talent, and this poem tells so much! I have only one suggestion to make:
"Under your wingspan we learnt to grow."
I would change "Learnt" to "Learn." It flows better and makes more sense.
That was all, Love this poem!
Looking forward to more!