Deepavali-The Festival of Lights

Oh wow! This is so nice!

Hello, Weatherman here with a review. A belated welcome to YWS!

I found your poem to be interesting since I'm not fully familiar with the festival of "Deepavali" so it was quite unique to read and get to understand what happens in this festival which I presume is a part of your culture.

Your poem has some good descriptions and some nice imagery. But I think you can take it further than just "good" or "nice" by adding more vibrant and diverse imagery.
"
Today is Deepavali-The Festival of Lights

Today is Deepavali

The Festival of Lights"

I think this opening in the beginning of your poem was quite repetitive and unnecessary so I would cut it out all together because its distracting and takes the focus away from your actual poem. Poems don't really require an introduction.

I've noticed throughout your poem, you use the word, "And", a lot which also brings back the feeling of repetition which can be avoided. It almost made the poem feel factual - there was more telling than showing, in poetry it's more important to show the reader how you feel and what you'd like to express as oppose to just telling because telling doesn't give as much of an effect.

"Children come out in all their all new cloths"

The word that would have fit better at the end would have been, *clothes*. The word "cloths" gives a slightly different meaning that the one you'd had otherwise intended.

You had an inconsistent rhyme scheme which I think can be approved upon by equalizing the number of syllables in each sentence so everything has a constant meter to rhyme - or just not including rhyme.


"As today is Deepavali

The Festival of Lights.!!!"

There is repetition of the first paragraph here again. You needed to include punctuation and grammar here. Never add a full stop in front of an exclamation mark or even a question mark. The last line has italics, bold print and three exclamation marks which has too many things going on for emphasis. I suggest removing the bold print, italics and reducing the exclamation marks to just one, it think that would be enough to make the line stand out.

Overall this has potential. Continue to write! I hope this review helped.

~Weather

I enjoyed reading your work! I think it flowed well, for the most part, and I think certain words you used really described the scenes well. However, there are a few things I think I should point out. Throughout the poem, there are several lines that rhyme with each other, but it is not consistent. There is no pattern. Also, on a similar note, there is a frequent repetition in the words used to end lines, such as "sight" and "light". One last thing I noticed was the last line, before the three exclamation point there is an extra period. Once again, I loved it! Keep it up!