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Friends

by Ishan212


Friends are the rays of sunshine

The ones who make the whole world bright

The ones who sometimes fight

But the ones who make our mood light

The ones because of which

Time halts for a while

The ones who walk with us

Together all those miles

Until we are are alive

So love your friends

As we have only one life. 


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445 Reviews


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Sun Jan 27, 2019 11:44 pm
Liebensteiner wrote a review...



Hey Ishan212!

I love this poem of yours. It's very sweet and nice. I just have two things to say. Thing one is: In every line, you put capitalization but you did not put any commas or periods or anything. So, it kinda made me confused on what you were trying to express, sometimes. Thing two is: In the third last sentence: "Until we are are alive" you might just want to delete one of the ares. :D
Overall, this was really enjoyable!

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




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Points: 3566
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Sun Oct 29, 2017 10:48 pm
Mathy wrote a review...



Hi, this is ZeldaIsShiek, here to review another amazing piece of poetry and beat the Werewolves once and for all! For the Witches shall win in the end! But before that happens, I am going to help you improve your writing as a whole and improve you as a Young Writer in the process. Of this I am certain. Are you ready? Let's begin the review!

I really like this poem because I have a few friends who I really care about, and they are all the most important part of my day. That is one of the reasons why I prefer weekdays and High School over being home all day, cut off from my friends and the world they live in. The first line also going well with this, especially since it describes friends as rays of sunshine that can brighten up your day and make your life better as a result. I really like this poem for that reason, along with your amazing writing in general. Great work!

My reactions:


Spoiler! :
Friends are the rays of sunshine -- I really love this line!

The ones who make the whole world bright -- So accurate!

The ones who sometimes fight -- I rarely fight with friends, but this is true

But the ones who make our mood light

The ones because of which

Time halts for a while -- This can be true when friends help you through deression
or other problems

The ones who walk with us

Together all those miles

Until we are are alive

So love your friends

As we have only one life.


Have a happy Review Day!

-ZeldaIsShiek




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Tue Oct 24, 2017 1:20 am
DeerInBacPac wrote a review...



Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started. :D

So, first thing I notice that a bunch of places are missing comma and periods. A bunch of places missing's commas are "Friends are the rays of sunshine", "The ones who make the whole world bright", "The ones who walk with us", and "So love your friends" All need commas. Any line after a comma will need a period, question mark or exclamation mark after the last word. The flow was pretty good and I noticed no other spelling or grammar mistakes. So good on that part!

Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are talking about friends. How they can bring happiness into your life and they can change it for the better. They can make time pass so quickly and they can make it seem so slow. Don't lose them. They are the only ones you have in life.

Otherwise, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I need to go now, Grim has some more dead to reap and I ran out of cocoa for him. Cheerios and fruit loops to you!




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Sat Oct 21, 2017 10:14 am
popsicles wrote a review...



This is very good without friends we have NO life, lfie are very important to us
In good times and in bad, in happy and in sad ;-) yes hahah I it was a little rhyme
Well we need a friend in our journey, one to help us out and one who loves you
because of who you are and everything accepts of what you am ;-)
I like true friendship because that can make us stronger in Life
True friends are the best ones, but just friends are also okay....
We can always count on them , no matter what Life brings us, no matter who we are
Friends are little flowers that bloom and make everything feel alright, even when we are
down they can make us laugh.
I don't know if you'll understand this, because it was a really bad review hahaa. I have said everything whas coming up in my mind, about friends. I hope you understand this a little bit?
English is not my first language so I think my English is bad :-( I want to practice more ;D

Love; Bree




Ishan212 says...


Thanks friend
English is not even my native language but it's the language of the future and hence we need to be best at it, if not better.


Random avatar
popsicles says...


okay :D



zaminami says...


**slides in**

I SAW THIS AND I WANT TO SAY THAT I HAVE NO FRIENDS


Random avatar
popsicles says...


Hahah me, the same @DemonGoddes



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Fri Oct 20, 2017 3:41 pm
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zaminami wrote a review...



Hello Ishan212! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Friends are the rays of sunshine

{They are t}he ones who make {our} whole world bright

{They are t}he ones who {with} sometimes {we} fight

But {they are} the ones who make our mood light

{Add a "--" here to separate stanzas}

The ones because of which

Time halts for a while

The ones who walk with us

Together all those miles

{--}

Until we are are alive

So love your friends

As we have only one life. {There's no rhyme scheme in this stanza, like the other ones.}


Overall, pretty good, but the rhyme scheme and wording could be worked on. I fixed those for you, however, so you don't need to worry about that.

Keep up the great work.

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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popsicles says...


thanks!




Despite everything, it's still you.
— TobyFox