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125,020 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Thanks for catching those spelling glitches. When I have an idea, grammar and spelling go out the window. =]
As for the "thrilled, terrified, thrilled" bit -- I understand the lackluster effect it has, but I'm kind of partial to it, since that kind of wavering is something I like.
I'm glad I told this from Janet's POV too, it made the insights that much easier and that much more, well, insightful.
spelling...
I feel as if it should be "ever evening he's with Donny...", because wasn't Chris the "he" just earlier?
Heartbeats and drumbeats. Over used.
I didn't like this. It had no effect and it sounded annoying to the ear.
Otherwise, this was an interesting ride for me. I felt their panic, I felt that empty, lonely feeling at the end. And Donny had an outburst, didn't he? This entire chapter was full of empathy on my part. I'm glad you told it from Janet's point of view.