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140,571 Literary Works • 673,516 Reviews
Still funny. Lol, though it is getting serious in some parts, such as the relationship forming between Dylan and Nick but otherwise, it's pretty funny. Very well written though. The mom gets on my nerves, lol. Partly because she reminds me of my own mother but dear god! That woman is crazy! The parents together are just...I couldn't even imagine it. And then having Dylan in his room and with his mother thinking that he's gay and giving him condoms. She's just so random! The way she speaks her mind just makes me nervous and embarrassed for Nick.
. *sigh* but things can change. Or actually, nothing has to change, hmmm. Already I'm making guesses as to what's going to happen. Great character development, your characters are really easy to get attached to. I'll have to read the third chapter tomorrow because it's late but if it weren't I'd of course be reading it as soon as possible.
But the Dylan thing seems to be going well. It doesn't seem terrible, definately not the worst thing going on in his life at the moment. It sort of pained me to find out that Dylan was engaged though
Keep it up!
~Rieda
The crossed out part we provide for ourselves: unnecessary,
There were some small grammatical stuff, a typo or two, but on the whole, very well written. Family conversations are hilarious. What happened to the little brother in this chapter?
Something about the conversation on intimacy didnt sit well with me; for the most part, what you've written rings true, fits well, but that... I feel as if that was just something you wanted to get out there quickly, irregardless of its place in the story. Too soon perhaps? I don't know it makes me uncomfortable.
Also, the comment about other people and the whole 'you complete me' shite, scares me, because its almost word for word what I wrote in my blog a few weeks ago.
Some lines, like the one above, I think could do better if condensed/de-worded a bit.
^ crossed out part is unnecessary; the reader should know this already. Though the mother's reply is hilarious.
I like the balance of what Nick says and what he thinks in this part. It seems now like there's the whole conversation, even when Nick is unsure of something, like here:
**Updated**
I thought this paragraph had some long sentences [especially the last sentence] and odd diction in it [see bolded parts]. If it's character stuff, I suppose I can't cringe too too much, but it's different from how Nick usually talks, so I dunno.
What an odd florist *eesh* I kinda wish Ms. Carylye spoke more in this part, though I suppose Callie made up for it. An odd-ish place to end it, with his mother not arriving until the last minute, but whatever.
I liked it. The only thing I can complain about was some spelling and puncuation issues. Apart from that it was good. Sorry, but I don't have time for a long review.
**Updated**
The thing I noticed most was the dialogue. I think it seems more like lines in conjunction with each other than conversational, like there wasn't enough to have a conversation? But when I look back at it, the conversations are complete, so I don't know. Maybe no one's awake enough to talk that early in the morning? I thought there was something a little off in Nick's dialogue with Dylan as well, like he was explaining everything, but condensing it so that it didn't take very long to say.
Well, no comment on subject matter, but this was very well written. Especially this bit:
Very good, shows Nick's frame of mind perfectly.
One thing:
'dgu = 'dyu.
Only that.
Interesting title as well. I assume it's going to explained later on, but what does it mean?