Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Romantic

Girls /P

by Incandescence

*deleted for plagiarism* - Nate

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
416 Reviews

Points: 11899
Reviews: 416

Tue Jul 14, 2009 2:09 am
Nate says...

*Locked for plagiarism*

User avatar

Points: 1199
Reviews: 3

Tue Jul 14, 2009 1:47 am
Midnight_Rose says...

WHOA!!!!!!!!! I'm going to go read "Green Eggs and Ham" now ...

User avatar
378 Reviews

Points: 1215
Reviews: 378

Mon Jul 13, 2009 10:47 pm
sokool15 wrote a review...

This is a scene from American Psycho... is it right to pass this off as your own work? The movie came out before this was written... you had to have just copied it from the movie. *frown* Maybe I'm missing something here, but all you did was add a tiny bit more detail to the sex scene.

Maybe this should go in fanfiction? I don't know... I'm confused...
~Kool 8)

User avatar
85 Reviews

Points: 1040
Reviews: 85

Fri May 20, 2005 10:12 pm
Chanson wrote a review...

personally, i thought this was mediocre.

i didn't find it particularly gripping - the main character was neither likeable nor interesting and the whole sex scene was boring; perhaps as one chapter in a novel it would be fine but as a short story it was tedious.

it amused me though.

a part i did not like:

"She fingers her cunt, which is so wet that her upper thighs look like someone slathered something slick and oily all over them"

obviously it looked liked there was something slick and oily all over her thighs because that is what cum looks like. i feel it was like writing "she drank her red wine and it dripped down her shirt, so it looked like someone had spilt something red and liquidy and on it".

a part i did like, was the last paragraph. very good.

User avatar
39 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 39

Fri May 20, 2005 7:38 pm
Little Dreamer says...

It was an interesting read... very detailed but ok...I didnt really know what to say but it is good.

User avatar
137 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 137

Thu May 19, 2005 4:07 am
DarkerSarah says...

Yes, Bret Easton Ellis. I think that book is one in a series, but I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 1160

Thu May 19, 2005 1:33 am
Elizabeth says...

Ok so i finished it.... and I just wanted to say.
If any man but you saw this then they would be pitching more tents and a boy scout troop in a year. Yeowch.
Now I'm afraid of the bathtub AGAIN AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!

User avatar
915 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 915

Wed May 18, 2005 5:27 pm
Incandescence says...

Bret Ellis, perchance? He's an amazing author.

User avatar
137 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 137

Wed May 18, 2005 4:57 pm
DarkerSarah wrote a review...

I'd like to repeat what Kay and Crysi said about enjoying it or not.

But this was so well written it's amazing, and I adored the ending. This piece reminds me of a book I once read...Less than Zero by...argh...I forget. There's a sense of emptiness to it, which I like (though that seems an awfully inadequate word...) There were a few missing, switched, or wrong letters, but I'm sure if you re-read this you could pick up on them yourself, as I understand you are quite bright.

My favorite part had to have been at the beginning, the introduction and mood you set for the entire piece is quite impressive.

I'll be sure to read some more of your writing.


User avatar
221 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 221

Wed May 18, 2005 2:42 pm
Kay Kay wrote a review...

Yeah I'm wondering the same things as Crysi. I didn't expect what I just read. It was written well, I can say that much, but I can't say whether I enjoyed reading it or not. You did a good job on this...that's pretty much all I can say about this post.

User avatar
594 Reviews

Points: 6831
Reviews: 594

Wed May 18, 2005 4:59 am
Crysi wrote a review...

First question - why are you sending all girls to review this?

Anyway.. Wow. Very detailed, my friend.. There were a few spelling errors, but you're bright enough to pick those up. In a hurry to write this? ;)

This was definitely the longest, er, description I've ever come across.. Not that I've deliberately read others. I just got myself into trouble there, didn't I? Let me clarify - it's much longer than the sections in American Gods.

How do you reply to something like this? I don't want to say it was bad, because it wasn't, but I don't want to say it's good, because that will make it seem like I'm into this kind of work, which I'm not really..

It was definitely surprising coming from you. Not exactly a picture of innocence, eh?

Well.. Good job, anyway. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'd like to go read stories about pink fluffy bunnies eating candy..

User avatar
129 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 129

Tue May 17, 2005 10:21 pm
Mattie says...


Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 1160

Tue May 17, 2005 9:55 pm
Elizabeth wrote a review...

"I resort to waving our waiter over and ordering the cold corn chowder lemon bisque with peanuts and dill, an arugule Caesar salad and swordfish meat loaf with kiwi mustard, even though I already ordered this and he tells me so."

Kiwi mustard? please explain to the deranged girl. AND IT'S NOT ILLEGAL TO BE HERE BECAUSE I WAS SENT HERE.

Anyway... I think I'm going to have to finish this later, I'm sorry but my dad just noticed I wasn't dead. If you remind me then I'll comment on it next we meet.

If not then you get 1000 points from yours untruly.

User avatar
665 Reviews

Points: 6165
Reviews: 665

Tue May 17, 2005 8:12 pm
Chevy says...

:dies: didn't know you had that in you, my friend...surprise, surprise!
how were you able to write this? i was detailed...
experience, maybe? =P

A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.
— Markus Zusak, The Book Thief