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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Jill is an amusing character. I hope she becomes more relevant in later chapters, though. I confused her with Jennifer from earlier chapters, so I don't know if the name is as beneficial as it could be.
I find the sarcasm (here as well as other places) amusing, but a little wordy.
^ This seemed a little odd when compared to the other times Nick contemplates the things he does. A little too straightforward, I think. The "I'm not very popular in my school..." sounds awkward and too blunt, for example. At the end of this part, the "like I need to be 'that kid' for mother" seems more like how Nick's been thinking.
While it's not too hard to guess who the 'she' is in this section, it's still gramatically vague and takes attention away from the story.
I don't understand why that would be a bad thing? I mean, it'd just be more bother for her if they ran out of plastic bags. But I guess Nick seems to think that too, so oh well.
It'll be interesting to see what Ms. Carlyle's life is like in the next chapter.
Ms. Carlyle. XD All I can say is that that woman is crazy. I definately would have hurt her by now or quit my job. It's one thing to have to listen to her and do what she wants but it's a whole other thing to have to do it again and continue working there, especially when he doesn't really need the job. But at least he's getting out of the house and away from those parents of his, I really can't tell which is worse for him at the moment. And I'm wondering why she wants him to come to her house and unpack her groceries. She's okay...as far as I remember, and perfectly capable of loading unpacking them herself. Hmmm. Well I'll have to wait I guess.
~Rieda
Nick's life is...terrible XD. I don't think I've read about a life so terrible, but when you think about it, it's pretty reaslitic. I liked this one. His parents are still extremely entertaining ( and a little too familiar) and his "friends" or rather the people who choose to talk to him are so odd that it's hilarious. And then we have Ms. Carlyle...I think her character is awesome. She seem to cause the most stress from him even in the hectic life that he has so it's really interesting how they react together. I can't wait to read the next one!
~Rieda
**Updated**
Poor Nick
The parents are as horrifying as ever, though even more so now. There's not much of Nick's thinking in this segment, and it seems strange because of it; more removed. I think it starts abruptly and a bit randomly. Were the other chapters in present tense as well? I didn't notice. *checks* Huh. S'pose they are.
And to be frivilous, the chapter numbering's fun, albeit, a little confusing at first.
Hmm... short. Very short, much shorter than the others, but good all the same. I'm still confused about the grandmother, but apart from that, no complaints. Post more soon!
h, and why do you have 0,0,0,0 as your chapter title? Wouldn't it be easier to pu 4?
Disturbing. This seems a rather shallow excerpt, leaving me to wonder as to the relevance of this one disconnection happening. It's not the full chapter, is it?
Ah well, it's still good, I enjoyed it.